Spring has sprung and I have been dobbed in by a Dove

Cruella (my wife) is at our English house ruining the life of our idiot son. I am in charge of everything here: the house, the car, Tango the lonely blind Labrador and the bloody chickens. I just ignore everything and garden all day, the chickens don’t get fed unless they ask directly, and I don’t understand chickenese. It was all going so well until Cruella somehow found out. There were consequences, but more of that later.

Spring is such an exciting time for us gardeners and there is so many things that we need to be getting on with.

15th March 2025. Things I have been doing lately.

• Deadheading Aeoniums
• Refreshing plants in pots
• Reviving your lawn
• Planting seeds
• Dealing with a traitor pigeon

Deadheading Aeoniums. By now most of your Aeoniums should have finished flowering and it is time to tidy them up by a bit of judicious deadheading. The process is simple. Look just below the spent flower and you will see that the plant stem has started to thin and is noticeably thinner. The plant is naturally cutting off the flower as it no longer needs it. All you have to do is help it along, using your secateurs cut the stem at the thinnest point below the flower. The photos below show the process. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Refreshing plants in pots. If you have plants in pots then now is the time to refresh them. Over time plants can become untidy, pot bound and in need of fresh compost. Walk around and have a good look at all your plants in pots. The first thing to do is sit down and pull out all the debris, dead leaves and detritus that has built up.

Next, prune back any dead or dying stems and reshape the plant. Finally, most plants can only thrive for a couple of years in the same compost. Tease the plant out of its pot being careful of the roots then fill with fresh compost and gently ease the plant back into its pot. The photos below show a number of my potted plants all looking a bit bedraggled, overcrowded and in need of attention.

It is important to note that if you are tidying up Yucca and other spikey or spiny plants, then it is essential that you wear eye and hand protection. The photos below show what a difference a tidy up makes in restoring each plants self esteem!

Reviving your lawn. I know that not many of you have lawns in Spain, but those of you in the US and other parts of Europe are in love with your grass. But like love, if neglected it soon dies. And so it is with your lawn, Spring is the time to revive the love affair with your lawn. There are a number of things you should be doing:

• rake out areas that are dead or dying
• apply a selective weed killer
• top dress with a specialist compost
• feed with a specialist feed
• reseed when the weather is warm enough in your area

The photos below show all of this activity going on in my lawn, with the final photo showing the lawn after its first cut of the season.

Planting seeds. Oh the joy and delight in planting seeds and creating your own plants. Not only is it cost effective; as you get hundreds of plants for a few Euros, but also you will really be gardening rather than just shopping for plants.

If you have never planted seeds before then don’t panic, it is so simple. Go out to the local Garden Centre or supermarket check out the packets of seeds and buy a few packets of the ones you like. Try and pick ones that are easy to grow and suitable for your local climate and garden. But better still, why not gather seeds from your garden this summer and start your own seed collection. The photo below shows some of my collection.

The key to success in seed growing is the growing medium you use. Pick the best compost you can afford, and make sure it is for seedlings. You can help your compost by making it as free draining as possible, so buy some vermiculite to mix in with your compost. The photo below shows the stuff I use.

Mix your compost and couple of handfuls of Vermiculite in a trug. Make sure there are no lumps in your mixture then fill up some seed trays. Finish by tamping down the compost in the seed tray to get rid of any air pockets. The photos below show the process.

When you have your seeds trays ready, then just follow the instructions on the packet. Most seeds are sprinkled on the surface of the compost then lightly covered with compost. The photos below show this process.

With larger seeds the process is slightly different. Most larger seeds need to be sown individually in 4 inch pots or cellular seed trays. Just fill the pots or cells with compost, water lightly. Then using a pencil or dibber make a hole about half and inch deep pop your seed in and pinch the top of the hole closed. The photos below show this process.

The final,part of the whole process is to put your new seeds somewhere warm to allow them time to germinate. This need not be expensive you can use a window ledge indoors or just buy a real cheap mini greenhouse, you will only need it for a few weeks. The photos below shows my first seeds planted and in my mini greenhouse. The final photo is four days later and God has worked his magic and I have lovely new plants.

Dealing with a traitor pigeon. Whilst Cruella is away I take the opportunity to show the chickens whose boss. This means no special treats, early bed times, and restricted exercise periods. As you would expect this has engendered lots of discontent. In the past the chickens have somehow got a message to Cruella (my wife) and I have been made to reverse my restrictions including having to publicly apologise to the chickens whilst they smirk at me.

Anyway, this time I had taken the necessary precautions to stop them communicating. All chickens had been frisked for phones, I changed the Wi-Fi password and taped over the ChickenCam Cruella had insisted on; I told her there was an electrical problem.

I had to put up with all their squeaking and frantic gesticulations, but I just point to my ear and shout “me no speak chickenese” it drives them mad. They have held meetings, protest marches and even sent Elsa to plead their case. The photos below show their attempts to protest.

But I held out and was really pleased with myself until a furious phone call from Cruella. She was literally screaming at me “what have you done to my girls” I pleaded ignorance, but it was no good, she knew everything. I tried to blame Tango the lonely blind Labrador, but to no end. The end result was that she insisted that I make it up to the girls. I had to put Elsa on the phone, they chatted away in chickense, in what sounded a very animated call. The end result was that the chickens had demanded reparations and I have been forced to give them grapes every day. The photos below show the humiliation.

I couldn’t understand how Cruella had found out about my neglect of the chickens, especially after all my precautions. Then it came to me, I had covered everything apart from the bloody Dove that Cruella has adopted. It seems I thought it was an innocent Dove, when all along it was a stool pigeon! Photo of the traitor below – I didn’t give it any grapes!