Category: Gardening

I grow my thumb nails long and the chickens get air conditioning

It’s hot, so very hot most plants in the Costa Blanca are turning light green, not because they need iron, but because they are suffering from heat stress. I am spending so much time wandering round the garden dealing with various disasters that I have barely had time to write blog posts.

This is a catch up post dealing with some of the jobs you should now be doing in your garden. Hopefully your gardening is more peaceful than mine, I have had to deal with chicken related demands and the Idiot Son has been here for his birthday. Anyway, this is some of what I have been up to:

27th July 2026. Things I have been doing lately.

  • Dealing with Sunflowers
  • Deadheading and debudding
  • Trimming Dame de Noche
  • Harvesting Chillis
  • Repairing irrigation
  • The chickens get air conditioning

Dealing with Sunflowers. At this time of year I run an annual Sunflower Challenge in my village to see who can grow the tallest sunflower. The competition helps raise funds for our Church annual Kids Club which is run during August.

As part of my ensuring nobody cheats I grow some test plants and this year they have been great fun. The sunflowers are enjoying the heat but they have grown so quickly I will probably have to bring the measuring date forward. The photos below show some of the fun of growing sunflowers, and it’s not too late to stick a few seeds in.

I think I ooze sophistication, Cruella says I look like a tramp!
Yes it is a flower
If you look carefully at this photo you will see a bumble bee and one of my bees
Sunflower Teddy Bear a lovely small plant
Cruella (my wife) with Helga, she insisted I take this as she is entering it for Mum and Chick of the month competition in Poultry World.

Deadheading and debudding. Away from the frippery of sunflowers, there is serious work to be done in your flowerbeds. Although we are not yet at peak deadheading, you should make sure to be deadheading Petunias and Rain Lilly’s on a daily basis. If you fail to deadhead the plant will just stop flowering. Removing spent flowers stimulates the plant into producing more flowers.

In addition to deadheading you need to begin a programme of debudding to stimulate profuse flower growth. Debudding involves pinching out the central flowers on some plants to encourage side growth. In the main I do this on Marigolds and Cosmos. The photos below show debudding in progress.

Pinch out central buds
Strip lower leaves from sunflowers
Pinch out cosmos central flower

An essential aid to deadheading and debudding at this time of the year is to grow your thumbnails long. In this way you can stroll around the garden deadheading by pinching spent flowers between your thumbnail and forefinger without having to run to your shed to get your secateurs (not roses obviously). The photos below show below shows my human secateurs.

Far more cost effective than new secateurs

Finally, on the deadheading front. Watch out for fully green growth on your variegated leaf plants. Left alone fully green growth will eventually takeover and remove the variegation from your plants. I keep a keen eye out for any green growth on a nice variegated weeping ficus that I cloud prune each year. The photos below show a sneaky green growth on the back of the plant. You must take these off and the best way is to remove them by tugging then you remove the branch heel which will hinder regrowth.


Trimming Dame de Noche. This has been a terrible year for my Dame de Noche. This night scenting Jasmine would normally had its first flush of flowers by now and filled the evening air with its exotic scent. Unfortunately, it has looked pathetic, flowered meagrely and released absolutely no scent.

I have now cut it back by one third which normally ensures a late flowering and scent through September and October. I am not very hopeful, but no matter what your Dame de Noche looks like cut it back by a third now and you should be ok. The photos below show my poor plant before and after its trim. I may even give it some general purpose food, something that I have never done before.

Harvesting Chillis. Regular readers of this blog will remember that I completely cut back my Chilli plants, root pruned them and planted them in small pots to over winter. I then replanted them in larger pots with fresh compost, and lo and behold they have rewarded me with an abundance of Chillis.

Chillis are very easy to grow once you get the hang of it, and they reward you with abundant fruit. The key to harvesting chillis is twofold. Firstly make sure that the fruits are a deep uniform colour before harvesting. Secondly, when you harvest always leave a small portion of stem attached to the fruit to ensure nothing can enter the harvested chilli.

The one on the left is ready to harvest
One days harvest

Repairing irrigation. This is one of those jobs that is essential in the current heat I have hundreds of drip irrigation nodes in my garden which you just assume will last for ever, but they don’t. The sun exacts a terrible toll on irrigation pipes and nodes here in the Costa Blanca. Although I tend to keep an eye out for bursts and leaks, sometimes I am just too busy.

It wasn’t until Cruella (my wife) remarked to me one day “why are all the plants dying” that I began to urgently address the problem. My main flower beds irrigation nodes were corroded and their were pipe bursts under gravelled areas. It is good practice to replace all your irrigation nodes every two to three years. Use a different colour node to the old one so that you can see which is the new and which the old. In addition keep a reasonable supply of pipe joints for all occasions.

The photos below show some of my efforts in repairing my irrigation; I lost about half a stone and dehydrated whilst doing this.

The chickens get air conditioning. The idiot son has been here for his annual holiday, or Chicken Fest as Cruella (my wife) calls it. In the main this consists of Cruella giving him Chickenese language classes and advanced chicken handling techniques including putting the chickens to bed at night. The photos below give you the idea.

language classes
Bedtime

All was going well as far was I was concerned as I blithely carried on gardening and left them to get on with it. I was in the middle of cutting back the Dame de Noche when there was a loud scream and Cruella (my wife) came hurtling across the garden carrying Elsa one of her girls who she claimed had passed out in the heat. I offered to hose her down (and the chicken) which she did not appreciate, but instead demanded air conditioning in the chicken coop. I refused.

Since then there have been daily chicken protests on the Naya with Elsa flopping around in performative faints whilst the others chant away in Chickenese. When I asked Cruella what they were chanting she said it’s “I can’t breathe” which she said is the slogan of her Chickens Lives Matter movement.

Eventually I rigged up a cost effective solution to not having air conditioning. I was quite pleased with this, but then again I am currently forced to sleep in the shed. The photos below show the protests and my solution.

The big protest with Elsa fainting at the front
It may not be pretty but it’s cost effective

I suffer the great grape disaster and the chickens get a foot spa

Cruella (my wife) is still away at our English house over mothering our idiot son. I meanwhile am gardening all day till I pass out with the heat. When I come round I drag myself under a bush and rest for an hour or so and then get back at it till I gets dark; I am thinking of buying a head torch!

Anyway the real problem is that I have suffered a terrible attack of brown spot on my grape vines and I have only one bunch of grapes. When I phoned up sobbing to tell Cruella (my wife) about the grapes, all she said was “are my girls too hot in this heat”. I am thinking of consulting divorce lawyers, but I’m afraid she would find out. On with the gardening.

27th June 2026. Things I have been doing lately in the garden

  • Dealing with brown spot on grapes
  • Lightly trimming hedges
  • Pruning back a fig for netting
  • Some rockery planting
  • Mulching my lawn
  • The chicken foot spa

Dealing with brown spot on grapes. It has been a wonderful year for grape vine growth. The heavy spring rains have ensured that grape foliage growth has been profuse. The photos below show the heavy early growth.

This lovely spring foliage has been my downfall. At first glance all looks well and this meant I concentrated on other areas of the garden. Normally I would check the vines and begin to dress them (cut back excess foliage to expose the grape bunches to air and light). But because they looked so well I left them too long.

The lush foliage meant a lack of penetration by air and light leading to ideal conditions for all sorts of mildew and pathogens to get a grip. By the time I began to look at the vines it was too late. Brown Spot had attacked the vines harming leaf development and inhibiting fruit production. These two vines gave us 20 or more big bunches of grapes last year, but this time just one!

The photos below show the extent of the devastation on the leaves. The discolouration and the spotting on the stems shows the pathogen at work. The only solution is to cut the vine back, let in air and light and take off all the affected leaves and destroy them.

Notice the spots on the leaves
Just one bunch

The photo below shows all I have left, a single bunch of bagged up grapes. Sometimes I don’t know why I bother.

Lightly trimming hedges. By now all your hedges will be growing like “Topsy” falling and cascading over paths and lawns.so now is the time to give them a light trim. I am not talking about the big winter cutback type of trim, nor am I recommending that you destroy poor little late nesting birds. Instead, just feather the edges of your hedges to keep them in shape and to stop them overshadowing lawns, paths and flower beds.

The photos below show some of my hedges before and after their trim. Remember, if in doubt take off less.

Pruning back a fig for netting. Most fig trees in Spanish gardens are huge behemoths with unreachable fruit that eventually end the year in a messy sticky bird feast. Now if you don’t mind the birds getting your figs, then just skip this section. However, if you like figs – and I do – then you need to net your tree.

You won’t need to net it yet, do it just before the figs get ripe. The trouble is if your tree is too big, then you will need a Cherry Picker to get up there with your net. Instead, I recommend you carefully prune back excess growth and bring the tree within manageable netting potential.

The photos below show one of my fig trees with just this years growth which is enormous thanks to those early spring rains.

Beware the deadly sap and make sure you cover up

To bring this back into netting range is a two day pruning strategy. Cutting fig branches is a dangerous practice this time of year as when you cut the branch it quickly oozes corrosive sap that will badly burn your skin. Don’t rush out there and hack at your fig. Instead wear trousers and a long sleeved top, use eye protection and where possible use long handled lopers.

Day one cut back the bottom branches of the tree making sure you work upwards from the bottom so no sap is dropping on you. The photos below shows day one. Do not touch the fallen branches leave them to fully dry in the sun overnight.

Day two is the same process but this time you are working on the top of the tree. Again, make sure you work from the lower branches to the top. It is important that you do not attempt to touch or pick up the fallen branches leave them again for another full day. Once the cuttings are fully dry -day 3- you can safely gather them up and compost them. The photos below show the end of day 2 with the tree cut back and the big clean up starting.


Some rockery planting. Some year back I created a water feature using large rocks which I then in turn tried to plant into. My planting was obviously a failure as the soil would just fall through the rocks leaving the plants stranded without soil. To overcome this I instead tried to conceal plants in pots between the rocks, but this just looked silly.

However, the other day whilst rooting around in my shed I had a brainwave that will revolutionise rockery planting. I found some old shade netting which will soon become the future of rockeries – patent pending. The photos below shows the new wonder material.

My new wonder material

My big idea is this, by cutting this into set lengths I could push it into spaces I had created in between rocks, thereby creating pockets which I could then fill with soil and plant into. I could then trim the material tight to the space and the plants would eventually grow over to give a completely naturalistic rockery -ta dah!

I telephoned Cruella (my wife) to inform her of my invention and how it would make me a fortune; she just called me pathetic and slammed the phone down. Well we will see who has the last laugh – I am thinking of calling my yacht “Cruella’s Folly”. The photos below show the development of the rockery revolution.

Once I had cut off the excess material it looked like the plants were just growing out of the rock


Mulching my lawn. I know not many of you have lawns in Spain, and if you do you know what an expensive indulgence it is. But for the idiots like me it’s time to stop cutting your lawn and instead begin mulch mowing over July and August.

Mulch mowing involves using the mulching attachment to your mower and thereby just mowing off the top centimetre or two of your grass and not collecting it in your mowers collecting bag. The mulching process cuts the grass into small pieces and scatters them on the top of your lawn allowing the nitrogen to seep back into the soil and nourish new growth.

When you mulch mow water the night before and let the ground dry before mowing. If you water afterwards you are in danger of creating a soggy mat on your lawn. The photo below shows my mower after a successful mulch.

The chicken foot spa. As I mentioned earlier Cruella (my wife) phoned me up screaming that her girls must be overheating in this weather and what was I doing about it. She claimed that because of their feathers the only way they could lose heat was through their feet and because I hadn’t bothered she had found the solution on Amazon. It turns out she had found a specialist luxury foot spa retailing at £800 that would be just right for her girls.

The proposed luxury foot spa had various functions including:

  • soothing waves
  • light spray that gently sprinkled on your feet
  • vibrate that massaged your tired feet
  • music mode that played soothing classical music
  • light mode that changed the water to different colours in the evening

Given that I had spent all the money she had left me on the bees and some new gardening tools I had to improvise. The photo below shows the not so luxurious compromise. I am hoping that the weather will have changed by the time she comes back and I can tell her someone stole the foot spa.

Notice that I added ice and I also placed a radio by it playing soothing music, in addition at night I shone a torch on it.
The chickens just ignored the whole thing so I saved lots of money. But I think I’ve bred a million mosquitoes .

Podcast Episode: The chickens drink champagne and eat grapes whilst I finish succession planting

Pip: Welcome to the Spanish Garden podcast — where the garden gets tended, the chickens get champagne, and the gardener gets toast.

Mara: Today we're covering one post from spanishgarden, and it's doing a lot of work: succession planting from seed, summer bed management, and the delicate matter of poultry diplomacy.

Pip: Let's start with the chickens, the grapes, and everything else that happened while Cruella was away.

The chickens drink champagne whilst succession planting gets done

Mara: This post covers the end of a full summer succession planting cycle — everything from clearing out winter plants to deploying the final reserves — while also managing a small domestic crisis involving chickens with champagne tastes.

Pip: The post sets up the stakes plainly: "Cruella (my wife) has gone to our English house to mother our idiot son. She has left me strict instructions on the dietary requirements of her girls whilst she is away."

Mara: So the question the whole post is really answering is which got prioritised — the garden or the chickens. And the answer is: both, in sequence, with varying degrees of success.

Pip: On the garden side, this is a genuinely detailed run through a working system. Osteospermums go out after two years to make room for summer annuals. Alyssums get cut back hard and bounce. Spiral grass gets chopped right to the corm.

Mara: The spiral grass section is worth pausing on. The advice is to cut it back completely, give it water, and put it at the back of the potting bench until spring. The post is clear that it actually likes being overcrowded — separating it is optional.

Pip: Then come the mini sunflowers and Petunias, which close out a succession that started with seed catalogues last winter. The post makes the case directly: stop shopping for plants and grow from seed instead.

Mara: And on reserves — the post recommends always keeping seedlings back to plug gaps from snails, disease, or chickens. The plan was Salvia, but a bad compost choice forced a retreat to Marigolds. Reliable, fast-growing, flowers all summer.

Pip: Meanwhile, back at the chicken situation: Cruella's pre-departure regime involved champagne sips and seedless grapes. The post notes, drily, "Seedless grapes and fresh strawberries for the chickens, I got toast for my dinner."

Mara: The replacement regime — plain water and crushed cornflakes — triggered an immediate rebellion. Phones confiscated, Wi-Fi password changed. The chickens responded by going limp at bedtime and, eventually, starting a dirty protest.

Pip: The post closes with the observation that the dirty protest is hard to detect. Which is either a hygiene update or a philosophical statement about chickens.

Mara: Probably both. The garden, at least, is fully planted and heading into summer.

Pip: Seeds in the ground, Marigolds deployed, chickens in open revolt — a full week by any measure.

Mara: Next time, we'll see whether the stalemate holds or whether the Wi-Fi password gets leaked.

The chickens drink champagne and eat grapes whilst I finish succession planting

Cruella (my wife) has gone to our English house to mother our idiot son. She has left me strict instructions on the dietary requirements of her girls whilst she is away. Meanwhile I have been busy with finishing off my summer successions planting; read on to find which activity I have prioritised!

13th July 2026. Things I have been doing in the garden lately.

  • Clearing out Osteospermums
  • Cutting back Alyssums
  • Putting spiral grass to bed
  • Planting out mini sunflowers and Petunias
  • Deploying the Marigolds reserve
  • Overseeing the correct dietary requirements of chickens

Clearing out Osteospermums. I love Osteospermum daisies as they provide the backbone of my winter and Spring garden.They self seed profusely and I gather the seedlings in January and pot them up. They are then planted out and allowed to grow away for two years with a new bunch planted every year and the two year olds taken out. The photos below show the start of the removal process to make room for the summer annuals.

Note the anti chicken fences around my flower borders

Whilst I was working on the flower beds the chickens decided to reenact the cover of the Beatles Abbey Road album (only readers of a certain age will understand).

If you look carefully Isabella has no shoes on

Cutting back Alyssums. Another great self seeder that is wonderful in the winter garden is Alyssums. These low growing free flowering beauties are ideal in Spain as they are quite drought tolerant and just need cutting back to quickly bloom again. The photos below show how tough you can be with them and they still bounce back.

Putting spiral grass to bed. Spiral grass is an unusual plant that sits on some of my outdoor window ledges and gives interest and is often commented upon for its dramatic spiral growth. Once it has flowered with its unshowy flowering stems and gone slightly brown, it’s time to chop it back.

To ensure next years growth from its corm like bulb you have to be very brutal and chop it right back to the tip of the bulb. At this stage you can if you wish separate it, but to be honest it likes being overcrowded. The photos below show spiral grass just before the chop and afterwards. Once you have cut it back, give it a water and put it at the back of your potting bench, to be brought out next Spring.

Planting out mini sunflowers and Petunias. I am now at the end of my summer succession planting and the last things I am putting in are mini (Teddy Bear) sunflowers and Petunias. My Summer beds already have the following growing on:

  • Gazanias
  • Cosmos
  • Alyssum
  • Marigold
  • Giant sunflowers

Everything is grown from seed and is planned to provide a profusion of flowers All the way through summer into the late autumn.

The process starts with laying out the mini sunflowers where I want them, this is followed up by bringing out the trays of Petunias I have managed to hide from rampaging Blackbirds. The petunias are placed around the mini sunflowers in blocks that will eventually give solid colour throughout this year including winter and into next spring.

The photos below show the planting out that ends a process that started with seed catalogues last winter and will now culminate in a riot of colour. Oh the joys of gardening.

Deploying the Marigolds reserve. When you are planting out your summer beds always make sure to leave some reserve seedlings on your potting bench. You will definitely lose some plants either by bad luck, snails, disease or chickens. Given that you don’t want gaps in your planting you need to have reserves ready to plug the gaps.

My go to reserve plants are Marigolds. Ever reliable fast growing and flower all summer. I was planning that my reserve would be Salvia this year, but through bad choices on compost I have had to revert back to the good old reliable Marigold. The photos below show the reserve being deployed.

From potting bench
To deployment
Going over the top

I hope this discussion on succession planting from seed will encourage some of you to stop your plant shopping habit and instead enjoy the delights of growing from seed. Finally, a couple of photos of the fully planted flower beds.

Overseeing the correct dietary requirements of chickens. Before she left Cruella (my wife) was overseeing a strict dietary eduction and etiquette programme aimed at improving her girls chances of being accepted into “Society” and making a good “match”. I think she has been reading too much Jane Austen.

Anyway, the programme mainly consisted of Cruella (my wife) drinking lots of champagne and allowing her girls to have little sips to gradually introduce them to alcohol without the danger of unseemly intoxication. In addition to introducing genteel drinking habits, she has been feeding them solely on seedless grapes and strawberries. The photos below shows them midst drinking and eating frenzy.

She says it’s for the chickens but I don’t think they get very much
Seedless grapes and fresh strawberries for the chickens, I got toast for my dinner

As soon as I got back from dropping her off at the airport I immediately enforced a new regime. Plain water to drink and crushed up cornflakes to eat. As expected there was an instant rebellion and they demanded that I contact Cruella (my wife) at least that is what I think they said it was all Chickenese.

Luckily I was prepared for their antics and had already confiscated their phones and changed the Wi-Fi password. At the moment we have reached stalemate, they are refusing to go to bed so that I have to pick them up individually to take them to their coop. The problem is that they then they go all limp and floppy to make it difficult; Cruella taught them this when she was doing her “chickens for Calais” training.

The photo below shows them refusing to go to bed. To make matters worse they have started singing protest songs such as “we shall overcome” and “by the rivers of Babylon”; at least that’s what I think they are singing, but it was all Chickenese.

They have now started a dirty protest, but to be honest I can’t tell the difference

It’s nearly Open Garden Day and the Blackbirds have dug up my Petunias

Next Saturday 30th May is our annual Campoverde Open Garden Day. This is an event that I organise every year for my village Church. But I have been away at my UK house and Cruella (my wife) and her girls have had a sleepover and invited Blackbirds.

In what I can only assume was some sort of orgy of destruction they have wantonly dug up all my Petunia seedlings from their seed trays. I am bereft these were special ones I had grown from the best of last year.

Since the first act of destruction I have replanted twice only to be struck by other raids. I have now taken to hiding my seedlings in new places every night, but by the next morning they have been dug up again. I think one of the chickens is spying on me and informing the Blackbirds!

To be honest I am too upset to go on writing this post but I’ll will just finish off by showing you the length I have had to go to protect my seedlings. My potting bench now looks like a prison camp I have so much protection. See photos below and click on each one for a larger view.


Anyway, if you would like to come along to Open Garden we would love to see you, see poster below.

If you do want to come along to Open Garden Day and commiserate with me then just so you know Pinar de Campoverde is south of Torrevieja and just inland from the town of Pilar de la Horadada in Alicante Province. The map below shows you the location of each garden.

Tidy your garden – but not too much and the chickens take dance lessons

We are just about to leave Spring and rush into Summer. This means you have to tidy your spring plants to make room for your new summer growth and seedlings. By now all the early bulbs should have gone over and all you are left with is dying foliage and seed heads. Don’t make the mistake of grubbing everything out too early and failing to let growth and goodness go back into the soil and plants.

Whilst I have been busy readying the garden for Summer Cruella (my wife) has insisted her girls should get dancing lessons in case they are invited to Summer Balls. More of this nonsense later, on with the gardening.

28th April 2026. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Deadheading and tidying early flowerers
  • Preparing my Chilli’s for summer
  • Dealing with dancing chicken damage

Deaheading and tidying early flowerers. By now all the early Spring plants have gone over and it’s time to tidy up plants such as Daffodils, Iris, Ice plants and even Mother in Laws Tongues.

Starting with Daffodils. By now you should have completely cut off all the seed heads and your plants will be looking like the ones in the photos below.

The key to success for next year’s bulbs is to let the foliage die completely back and go brown. Do not cut it off and definitely do not tie it in a knot. By doing this you are allowing the plant to transfer the goodness from its foliage back down into the bulb.

With Iris both Spanish and Dutch should now be fully spent and you need to deadhead them to stop them spending their energy making seed. With Iris you need to cut off the spent flower at the point in the stem where you can see a distinct narrowing. In addition to cutting off the seed head, do not be tempted to cut back the mass of foliage. See photos below.

Look for the narrowing
Do not cut this off yet

By now your Ice Plants (Aizoaceae) will have flowered freely for two or three months. With Ice Plants it is best not to deadhead individual stems as it will just take too long. Instead wait till they have all flowered and then get out your shears and just shear off all the flowers. Try not to cut too far into the green foliage and with a bit of luck you should get another full flowering this autumn and sometimes before. The photos below show my Ice Plants ready for their annual trim and the final trim back.

Another in the tidying up stakes is Mother in Laws Tongue (Dracaena trifasciata) which is usually ready for a tidy up this time of year. This plant is popular in Spain as it is unfussy and will happily spread through underground runners. The only problem with it is if left to its own it can begin to look a bit scruffy. The photo below shows my plant looking a bit of a scruff.

The first thing to do when clearing this plant is to trying pulling at all the dry brown stems and many will come away easily. For those that don’t you will need to get a good sharp gardening knife and go down to the base of each stem to where it’s attaches to the runner and cut these off at ground level. The photos below show my trusty old gardening knife (over 30 years old), followed by where to cut and finally the cleared plant.

Finally climbing roses need as much dead wood cut out as possible. I find it is almost impossible to find deadwood on climbing roses over winter. I get fed up scraping branch after branch to discover if there is green beneath. Instead, I find it is better to wait until the plant begins to leaf up and blossom and then it is easy to identify the dead branches and these can be cut out. The photos below show the untangling and cutting out of dead branches. Make sure you wear gloves as blood will be spilled.

Preparing Chillis for summer. For those of you who took my advice and cutback and repotted last years Chilli plants, now is the time to repot them to larger pots for their summer growth. All of my Chillis apart from one successfully overwintered and are now read y to burst into life. The photo below shows the healthy survivors in their winter pots.

Like many plants Chillis do not like their roots to be disturbed too much so it is better to use the in-pot filling method shown in the photos below. This approach minimises any root disturbance and shock and ensure the plants will produce fruit more quickly.

The photo below shows my Chillis just a couple of weeks later. As you can see they are already flowering and soon I will be harvesting Chillis.

Dealing with dancing chicken damage. Cruella (my wife) has decided that her girls could have a career in show business, but not in what she calls the “common” shows like Britains Got Talent, but more in the Royal Command Performance type of thing. To this end she has declared that they are forming a dance troupe – I keep spelling it troop and she gets really mad.

To this end they have been having dancing lessons in the garden for the past few weeks. This mainly involves them holding on to a tree or low wall and doing strange knee bending moves by slowly lowering their bums to the ground, then striking out dramatically with one foot. Cruella assures me this is their “barre” exercises and that the knee bending is their Pliès followed by Frappès.

The upshot of all this dancing is that they are digging up the membrane under my gravelled areas as they perform their barre exercises. Some of the damage can be seen in the photos below followed by a typical dance class in action.

I have spent hours wandering round with a rake pulling gravel back into position, but no matter how hard I work the garden is beginning to look like the Somme battlefield. I finally convinced Cruella (my wife) that a classier option would be to teach her girls traditional dancing. Such as dancing round the Maypole etc. I am pleased to say that they now spend their time spinning around in circles under my trees attached to bits of string. The photos below show a typical rehearsal.

Dealing with garden thieves and Isabella’s phantom pregnancy

I am not actually talking about real thieves who might steal your garden gnomes etc. But instead we need to deal with those pesky plant thieves that will stop your plants thriving through the summer.

As if getting the garden ready for summer wasn’t enough, Cruella (my wife) suddenly declared to me “I have big news, we are going to be grandparents”. Now I know the idiot son is not that stupid, so upon further enquiry she declared that one of her girls “was with chick”! More of this idiocy later, on with the gardening.

13th April 2026. Things I have been doing lately.

  • Dealing with various types of suckers
  • Stopping Chlorosis
  • Freeing in ground sprinklers
  • Dealing with Isabella’s phantom pregnancy

Dealing with various types of suckers. Most plants – especially older ones – will try and sucker. Suckers are those bright green little baby shoots that pop out on the lower branches of your trees. Suckers are basically the cheats of the plant world they try and pop out below the main growth so that they can get the first lot of food. They won’t kill a tree but they can slightly weaken it, reduce the size of fruit, and if they get really big look unsightly. The photos below shows various suckers.

Never give a sucker an even break

The photos above show various suckers on fruit trees and lastly on a grapevine. To deal with suckers all you have to do is pull down sharply on the suckers and it should tear away from the plant. It is supposed to be best to tear rather than cut.

In addition to suckers on stems, you will occasionally see a root sucker popping up from the base of the plant or even emerging from the ground.. In most cases there is no point in trying to retrieve these and potting them on, as they will just be base rootstock that your plant has been grafted on to.

In the photo below you can see a root sucker emerging from one of my figs. In this case as I grew it from a cutting I know it is true root stock. If you want you can cut these off with a sharp knife, dip it in rooting compound and then grow it on.

Root sucker
Possible to replant

Stopping Chlorosis. Another garden thief this time of year is Chlorosis. This can be seen on many plants especially citrus, Stephanotis and roses. The symptoms are yellowing leaves especially along leaf veins. Chlorosis is quite common in the Costa Blanca because of our Alkaline soil. There are other causes but the main one is lack of iron which results in the yellowing. Iron in itself is not a plant food, but instead it is an enabler and aids plants to take up other foods. See photos below.

Orange tree with Chlorosis
Standard Solanum with Chlorosis

Most general purpose plant foods will have traces of iron, but when you see yellowing as in the photos it will tend to be a need for more iron. In Spain iron is known as “hierro quelatado”. Normally it comes as granules and you mix these with water to make a “Rosé wine” type colour. Water directly into the roots and not on the leaves. Now is the best time of year to do this. The photo below shows my iron mixture before full dilution. I pour a glug into the watering can and then mix to the right colour.

I keep iron mixed up to a high strength and then dilute

Freeing in ground sprinklers. Many gardens on the Costa Blanca will have in ground sprinklers sometimes on timers that pop up in the lawn or to water selected flower beds. Don’t just assume that these will go on watering correctly forever. As they are in the ground weeds and grasses will gradually choke off their function in two ways.

Firstly, grass and seeds will grow over the pop up sprinkler and stop it popping up thereby only watering the small area close to the sprinkler. Secondly, if they do pop up the exit area for the water can easily get choked with weeds growing into the stem thereby either stopping watering completely or creating an uneven watering pattern.

To overcome all of the above you have to get out there on your hands and knees and clean each sprayer individually. Given their starting point can be deep in the ground this can be difficult. So the simplest way I have found is to turn on your system only slightly till the pop up function works but without any great spray. Then go round each sprinkler pull them fully up, clean them out and then finish by trimming the grass around them so it does not impede. The photos below show my efforts.

First find your pop up
Clean it out
Remove grass and debris

Dealing with Isabella’s phantom pregnancy. Gardening is my solace in a troubled world. I wander round, sowing here, pruning there talking to plants and discussing world affairs with my bees. I don’t ask much, just to be left alone to get on with things. But alas, Cruella (my wife) often has other ideas.

Her latest announcement that we were to become grandparents is just one more example of her chicken idiocy. It seems that Isabella one of her chickens (full name Isabella Ding Dong) has gone broody and has taken to spending the whole day sitting in a flower bed and refusing to move. See photos below.

Isabella with Chick!!
If you look closely she is wearing a matinee jacket knitted by Cruella

Cruella has insisted that she must be pregnant and we should prepare for a new arrival. I have told her not to be stupid as we do not have a male chicken (I am not allowed to say c**k in front of her girls). To back up her argument she told me she has consulted the definitive book on the subject: “The Common Sense Book of Chick and Chicken Care” by Dr Benjamin Squawk. I will let you know what happens, but she has already started knitting and planning a chick reveal party.

Cut your Palms properly

I don’t know normally dedicate a post to one subject as there is too much gardening to do. But I decided to dedicate this post to discussing cutting Palm trees properly because I am fed up seeing palm trees butchered by men with chainsaws.

Now any idiot can buy a chainsaw and claim that they are a professional. And no doubt it will definitely be cheaper than the real professional. But the end result is ugly butchered trees that have been hacked to pieces and are now ripe for a visit from the Palm Weevil.

Now whether you take my advice or carry on butchering your trees it is up to you but here we go.

16th March 2026. Things I have been doing lately.

Well to be honest, it’s not things I have been doing, it’s things I have been getting done. Cutting Palms is the only thing that I do not do myself in my garden. There are four reasons for this:

  1. The aforementioned I cannot stand seeing butchered palms
  2. I have twelve palm trees some of which are 40ft high
  3. I am old and wish to preserve my bones
  4. The idiot son has made me promise not to climb ladders as I often fall off

Why cut your palms? There are lots of good aesthetic reasons for cutting your palms. Probably one of the least important is that they look messy, unsightly and blight your garden. The photo below shows a typical example.

Not only unsightly but also dangerous

The thing is not only does this look unsightly it also dangerous as the added wind resistance can make the tree susceptible to wind rock and eventually falling. In addition all that dead vegetation hanging down is an ideal home for virus and of course the dreaded Palm Weevil shown in the photo below.

Here is one I caught last Summer

Whilst the Red Palm Weevil mainly attacks Phoenix Palms, there have been instances of it attacking Washingtonia and other species.

I have dealt with treating against Palm Weevil in other posts so if you have a problem just use the search button and you will find the relevant post.

When to cut your Palms. The best time to cut your Palms is between January and March. This is the period when most of your trees growth is over for the season and is also the time when the Palm Weevil will not normally be flying.

If you cut your Palms at any other time, especially during the hight of summer, then you are inviting the Palm Weevil to come and lay its eggs in your tree. When Palm trees are cut in the summer they will ooze sap. This sap can be smelled by the Palm Weevil which I am told has an amazing smell and a highly developed olfactory glans. Research has shown that the weevil can smell a damaged or cut tree from over 1 kilometre away.

How to cut your palm trees. At its simplest you should aim to have your tree cutback so that the remaining fronds are more or less upright. The photo below shows some of my newly cutback palms.

Don’t they look lovely, unfortunately they don’t stay that way

Why use a professional Palmerero. The title Palmerero is commonly used to refer to a professional palm tree cutter in Spain. These are highly trained and skilled individuals who know everything about palm trees and how to prune them. As I said at the start of this post you will find lots of men with ladders and chainsaws who will cut your trees back a lot cheaper, but may well end up damaging your trees and leaving them unsightly.

Palmereros do not use any machinery. Instead they use a specialised knife called a corbellote or in different parts of Spain a corvellot  to prune and trim the trees. Because they do not use ladders Palmereros will use a climbing technique that involves specialist boots and a harness to scale even the highest trees. This means they are not hacking at your palms from the top of a short ladder and instead can get right up to the crown to inspect for damage.

I have used the same Palmerero, Antonio for over 15 years and have always been satisfied with his work. He and his son arrive and graft away all day and then clean everything up and take it away. I have included some photos of Antonio at work.

Here is Antonio at work shaving one of my small palms. I am showing you a photo with a small palm as you can see the specialist boots, harness and cutting tool

That’s it for another year, everything packed up and off they go. Unfortunately there will always be a little bit of collateral damage from 15ft palm fronds falling 40ft.

I am sure there are many other Palmereros available but I am happy to recommend Antonio. He covers most of the Costa Blanca as far as Benidorm so het tells me. This is totally unsolicited but here is Antonio’s number 630389536.

It’s Spring and I’ve lost a dove and gained a rabbit

Cruella (my wife) is at our English house assisting our idiot son to move house and I am in sole charge of everything here. I am having a great time, I garden all day and hang around the compost bin and potting bench talking to the cuttings. At night when the chickens won’t go to bed I stuff them up through the coop entrance one after the other and they all end up like those Russian dolls forming one giant chicken.

But more worryingly the little white Dove has disappeared, but by way of compensation God has sent me a little blue rabbit. I will explain everything later but we need to get on with the gardening as it’s Spring and we don’t have a moment to lose.

12th March 2026. Things I have been doing lately.

  • Preparing and revitalising you borders
  • Planting out winter seedlings
  • Planting annual seeds
  • Feeding and mulching roses
  • Tidying and feeding Bird of Paradise
  • Cutting back Allysium
  • Feeding grass
  • Dealing with the loss of the little white dove and the arrival of the rabbit

Preparing and revitalising your borders. Spring is a fantastic time for gardeners, the soil is warming up and nature is poised to leap forward. Your job as a gardener is to get ahead of the game and make all the necessary preparations to ensure a good summer.

One of the first things you need to do is to weed, water and mulch your flowerbeds and borders. You can’t just keep sticking plants into the same soil every year without making an attempt to replenish it. Replenished soil is revitalised soil that will reward you with stronger plants and bigger flowers.

Ideally use mulch from your compost heap, but if you have still failed to start composting, then just buy a few bags of cheap compost from a China shop. Hoe the beds thoroughly first to remove any weeds and clear any leaf debris. Once you have done this deeply water the borders and then apply a thick mulch of compost; ideally at least 2 inches thick. Don’t worry about digging it in the worms will do that for you. The photos below show my mulching efforts accompanied by the chickens who like the maggots from the compost.

Compost À la maggot
Chicken chuck wagon
2 inches thick

Planting out winter seedlings. In the autumn I pricked out lots of self seeded Osteospermums and planted these up in trays to grow on during the winter. Now is the time to plant out any seedlings you have been growing on as they will have become quite root bound. The photos below show my planting into the newly mulched borders.

You need to tease the roots out
Plant 8 to 12 inches apart

Planting annual seeds. Don’t rush out and buy lots of plants from garden centres. Instead grow your own from seed. It is easy and very cost effective. If you haven’t got nice warm window ledges in your home, then buy a cheap little plastic greenhouse either on line or from Leroy Merlin. You will only need a little greenhouse for a month or two but it gives you a lovely start to Spring. The photos below show my little greenhouse being assembled. I need a new one every 2-3 years as the sun perishes the plastic.

Once you have your little greenhouse then mix up or buy a suitable seed compost. You need a free draining fine compost for the little seed roots to work through. I mix some of my own compost, together with a premium bought compost and then add Vermiculite for drainage. You can see the result below.

Once you have your compost ready then it is time to get your seeds out. I usually save seeds and these form the majority of my planting. But this year I am changing the main flowers in my borders to a mixture of Gazania, Cosmos, Salvia and Petunia. It is important to change every 5 or so years as continually planting the same can lead to virus building up in the soil. The photos below show shows the new choice.

Finally, on seeds, sow them thinly and make sure you label them as you will surely forget what you have planted in each seed tray. When sowing them thinly, the simplest and most effective way that I have found is to pour the seeds into the palm of one hand. Let them form a basic line in the crease of your palm, and then tap gently on the side of your hand with your other hand whilst moving your palm across the surface of the compost. Go ahead try it, it works magnificently.

Feeding and mulching roses. Roses are greedy feeders and if you want to get them off to a good start then now is the time for the first feed. To my shame every winter grass grows up beside my roses and I hate it, but just can’t get rid of it. See shameful photo below.

I am mortified and mightily ashamed

Before I can feed my roses I need to get down on my hand and knees, and over a two day period remove the grass once more. I do it over two days as the blood loss I sustain from working under the roses is horrendous. By the end of the two days I normally need a blood transfusion and have used a few bottles of antiseptic formula.

Once the grass is gone I apply the rose food in great handfuls and then completely top up with good compost from my bins. I heap the compost up around the roses as this will soon be taken into the earth. I complete the whole process with deep watering (which always guarantees it will rain the next day). The photos below show the outcome, and I am proud of my roses once more till next winter.

Tidying and feeding Bird of Paradise. The winter months will have taken a toll upon your Bird of Paradise (Strelitzia). So if you want to get the best out of it this summer, you need to do two things. First, cut back any old flowered stems, tidy up the flowers and cut out diseased stems. Secondly, you need to give it a good feed now and every month during the summer.

When cutting back flowering stems you can usually get at least one more flowering stem by cutting back to the diagonal joints shown in the photos below. Also don’t be afraid to peel dead petals out of flowers to make them cleaner and less likely to get insect attacks. See photos below.

My plant looking a bit tired and unfed after the winter
Tidy flowers
Cut out diseased stems
Cut flowers stems back to a diagonal joint


Cutting back Alyssum. These lovely plants were a star in my garden last summer and have now flowered all winter. I grew them from seed and they have given me great joy with their constant flowering. To keep them going all the time, all I need to do is occasionally shear off all their flowers and off they go again. See photo below.

Before
After

Feeding grass. If you have a lawn (and yes I know not many of you sane people have). Feed it now, this will be the first of four feeds over the growing season.

Dealing with the loss of the little white dove and the arrival of the rabbit. Regular readers of this blog will know that a little white dove arrived in our garden about a year ago, and since then has had accommodation built specially for her, she was fed special food, and has joined in Chickenese classes with Cruella (my wife) and her girls.

Well sadly I have to report that the little white dove has been missing for a few weeks. Cruella has been fretting from day one and insisted that I contact the police. I told her not to be so stupid. She then insisted that we contact the Bureau for Dove Investigations (BDI), to my surprise it appears there is such a thing. They have said that as it is spring the little white dove may have gone off to mate. Cruella is dismayed about not having an engagement party, but has calmed down a lot now that she has started knitting onesies for the future chicks when they visit. Myself, I think it was probably a cat.

Well you can imagine my surprise when no sooner had the little white dove disappeared than a little blue rabbit appeared in the garden. It sleeps in a bed of Osteospermum and comes out during the day to frolic with the chickens on the lawn.

Cruella claims it is an answer to her prayers as she has always wanted a boy. This upset the idiot son, but he got over it. Anyway Cruella and her girls have named him Peter. I thought after the Apostle and founder of the Church, but no it seems after the Beatrix Potter character.

Home sweet home
Spot the rabbit

The big Winter cutback part 4 and I am accused of cowardice by a tree

The big winter cutback is now complete. Normally at the completion of the big cutback I stand back and survey the garden with quiet satisfaction, but this year has been marred by controversy.

Pruning my big Ficus tree is normally the last item on the cutback, mainly because it is a mammoth struggle between man and tree, resulting in the loss of much blood, severe bruising, sprains and spectacular falls from a great height. However, this year I did it differently resulting in hurtful insults from the tree accusing me of cowardice. To be honest I am a bit ashamed of my actions and don’t really want to talk about it, but more later, for now let’s get on with the gardening.

15th February 2026. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Cutting back ornamental grasses
  • Planting new trees
  • Dealing with the big Ficus and accusations of cowardice

Cutting back ornamental grasses. If you have ornamental grasses then you know how lovely they look in the autumn and winter. Their long floating blades and fronds blowing in the autumn winds add movement and texture to the garden at a time when it can look a bit bereft and boring.

I mainly favour large Fountain grasses for their stately bronzed fronds, although I do have one smaller blue grass which has yet to reach its full potential. The photos below show my grasses before their trim.

Most of my grasses are transplants from bigger plants that I have separated over the years and in the last few weeks they have looked lovely. However, if you don’t cut your grasses back now then they will become congested with old growth and you will hinder this years growth.

All you have to do is get your hedge trimmers or shears and cut the whole thing back to a small mound. Once you have the grass cut back then get your garden gloves on and pull out any dead grass from the centre of your plant. Gloves are important as grasses can be sharp. The photos below show my efforts at clearing the congestion at the centre of one of my grasses, and the finished and trimmed plant ready for new growth to bust through in about a month.

You need to get right into the centre
All ready for Spring growth

Planting new trees. My only lemon tree has been gracefully dying for about 2 years which has been a cause of great concern to Cruella (my wife) who relies on it for lemons for her gin. It is an old tree, and I have been carefully managing its decline. However, it has reached the end and it had to go, especially if I was to get a new tree in this year. The photos below show my old tree leaving this earth gracefully.

This is not assisted dying, this is loving family care of an old and dear friend
A last fond farewell
25 fruitful years come to an end

If you are going to plant new trees in the Costa Blanca area, then you only have a planting window between November and March to get your new tree into the ground. Any later than this then your new tree will have difficulty getting going in the heat. By getting it in whilst the soil is beginning to warm and there is some rain around but the sun is not too hot, then your new tree has a chance to set some root before the heat of the summer.

The first thing you have to decide is the position of your new tree. My fruit trees are in two parallel lines in a typical orchard style. In effect this means that my new tree will be in line, but essentially it needs to be at least 3 metres from the trunk of my old tree. The reason for this is simple. The soil around the old tree will be depleted and the roots of the old tree are still in the soil and won’t rot for a few years.

Your next decision is what type of new tree to buy. You can buy spindly things grown from seed, mid size trees grown on grafts, or cut down larger trees. I prefer mid size trees grown on grafts as they are relatively mature, won’t have the frailties of seed grown trees or the potential disease of cut down trees. Anyway, which ever you choose soak it in a bucket for at least three hours before planting. The photo below shows my chosen tree draining after its soak.

New life, new hope

Once you have your tree it is time to get it into the ground. Dig a hole as big as you can, ideally twice the size of the root ball (but to be honest these days I am lucky if I can dig a hole). Chop out any roots you find from the old tree. When you are happy with your hole, fill it with water and let it drain. The photos below show my progress.

Old roots
The hole
Heres to 25 fruitful years

Now to the important part of planting your tree. Your aim is to give your new tree the best chance of survival, and that means careful preparation. First, ease your tree out of its pot and carefully spread the roots out of their pot shape. Next, sprinkle the roots with Mycorrhizal fungi to encourage root growth (you can buy this in most garden centres).

Now plant your tree in a 50/50 mix of really good compost and the existing soil, ensuring that you firm the soil well down by treading it in. It’s really important at this stage that you do not cover the the graft with soil. The graft is the swelling at the bottom of the trunk. If you cover this with soil you may get growth from the graft host. See photos below.

Sprinkling the magic of fungus
Never cover the graft and keep an eye on it

Finally, when you are happy with your little tree, you will need to stake it against “root rock” which can happen in high winds and stop your tree taking. All you have to do then is to water it profusely for the first few weeks and enjoy its first year of growth.

Luckily this was staked before the recent horrendous winds

Dealing with the big Ficus and accusations of cowardice. Regular readers of this blog will know that I finish the big winter cutback by pruning my big ficus tree. Years ago I shaped this tree into a pruned donut shape by cutting out its central trunk. This meant that in the spring each year I had to prune and reshape the tree to retain its donut effect.

Some of you might envisage that this would seem to be a rather easy task. But no, the ficus is big and tall and has a vicious temper. It has never forgiven me for the original removal of its central trunk, and it takes every opportunity to smash, bash, cut and bruise me in our annual encounters. The photo below shows me mid battle in years gone past.

Happy carefree days; I usually fell out of the tree

Normally I can feel it malevolently watching me as I go about all the tasks in the big winter cutback. Sometimes if the wind is blowing in the right direction I can hear its leaves rustling and whispering vicious threats of what it is going to inflict upon my body. Every year so far I have psyched myself up through a mixture of prayer, character building readings and a little yoga. But this year something just snapped. I couldn’t face it.

I blame the fact I had been softened up by the rest of the garden before this big encounter. The roses had made me bleed so badly I became anemic. Falls from and through the hedges bruised my body so badly that the police were called in and Cruella (my wife) accused of domestic violence. My back and bones hurt so much from digging that I am now a chiropractor case study. And all of this physical and mental damage whilst being constantly insulted and laughed at by chickens.

So the obvious happened, I called in tree surgeons to prune and cutback the big ficus. To be honest, they did a lovely job and pruned right back into shape. But that is not the point, since then the ficus has loudly proclaimed that I am a coward to all the plants in the garden. I lost respect amongst the plants and my authority was being questioned even amongst seedlings. I could barely look at the ficus with its knowing sneers and open contempt. The photos below show the big ficus after its professional prune.

Look carefully what do you see
A nice open canopy
The Cheshire Cat back in place

After days of torment and sleepless nights I knew I had to gain the respect of the garden or it would be all over. Suddenly it came to me. If you look at the first photo of the ficus above you will note that the left hand edge of the tree canopy is slightly higher than the right – the tree was lop sided and looked unbalanced. This was it, my opportunity to regain face and respect in the garden.

I boldly got out my ladders, platform and tools and with a great deal of ceremony and fuss began to re-trim the tree to give it a semblance of balance. As I worked the tree stayed silent, but I knew it was looking at me; at first with pitying hostility but as I proceeded it eventually melted into looks of understanding, trust and comradeship. The photos below show me at work.

You can’t see me
I’m in the tree

Well I am pleased to tell you that it all ended well. After I had finished I sat in its boughs and we discussed past battles and skirmishes. We laughed and cried about our antics when we were both younger telling each other our favourite parts of our various battles. Eventually it was getting dark so I climbed down. But I am pleased to tell you that it doesn’t end there. We have agreed to collaborate on a book, we have a tentative title; “The Old Man and the Tree” what do you think, it has a sort of ring to it, Hemingway would love it.

The big Winter cutback Part 3 and the chickens get a soft play area

On we go with the big winter cutback, part 3. You should be more than half way through the systematic cutback of your garden, your back is aching, your compost bins are filling up, the cold and wet days haven’t stopped you and the end is in sight.

All was going well until Cruella (my wife) demanded that I stop messing around gardening and create a new soft play area for her girls. I explained how essential the winter cutback was but she refused to be moved insisting it was a human right as covered under the UN Charter and the ECHR. I explained that her chickens were not human and therefore not covered under this legislation. She has now hired human rights lawyers and is seeking a judicial review. Anyway enough of this nonsense on with the gardening.

24th January 2026. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Pruning fig trees
  • Dealing with broad leafed weeds in grass
  • Cleaning up and composting leaves
  • Cutting back hedges
  • Refurbishing the chicken soft play area

Pruning fig trees. Most fig trees in Spain are left to grow into huge towering hulks that lower over gardens in threatening sprawls. All too often their fruit is too high to pick and when it falls it makes a sticky mess all around the trunk mixed in with bird poo that creates a dead zone under the tree.

It needn’t be this way you can carefully train your fig to be a fruitful adornment to your garden. The starting point is radical pruning. Now this can be scary as you have to prune back to a few strategic branches spaced around the trunk of the tree. Once you have pruned your tree back to these strategic branches, then all you have to do is cut back to these branches at the end of each growing season. The photo below shows one of my trees ready for its annual cutback.

From this photo you can see that the tree has been pollarded back to selected branches and the long “whippy” growth is the only part that will be pruned. Before you begin pruning ensure that all the leaves are off the tree as this will mean that the caustic sap has drained back to the roots and you are in no danger of being burnt.

All you need to do then is snip all the new growth off using your long handled lopers. Just take them back to the knuckle at the end of the branch and the new growth will grow from this point. The photo below shows the tree ready for the new growth.

In addition to my standard fig I also have an espalied fig that I have trained along a wall over a number of years. The process is the same; just take off the side shoots and leave the main branch. The photos below show the espalied fig before and after.

Dealing with broad leaf weeds in grass. Now I know not many of you have lawns in Spain, and that is perfectly understandable. However, for those of you that have, now is the time to treat for broad leaved weeds.

Broad leaf weeds such as Dandelion etc are growing ferociously at this time of the year. They, spread their leaves out, kill the grass underneath and then set seed to give you another generation. You can if you wish, go round and remove all of these weeds by hand, but it is a time consuming and difficult process. Instead use a selective weed killer. This can be sprayed on to the offending weeds without harming the grass. The photos below show the problem and the solution.

Cleaning up and composting leaves. An integral part of the big cut back process is that you will create lot of fallen leaves, which taken together with the normal winter leaf fall will have left you with various piles blown all over your garden. The temptation is to just leave them and let them blow around. But the danger with this approach is that the leaves will gradually breakdown into a fine tilth on your gravelled areas and on paths creating a lovely medium for weeds. In addition they provide a perfect environment for slugs and snails to foray forth and eat your new plants. The photo below shows a perfect slug and weed environment.

You have to clean them up, but don’t do it grudgingly, and don’t just throw them away. Instead compost your leaves to make a lovely top dressing mulch for next autumn. The first thing to do is to sweep or blow your leaves into heaps. Then load them into plastic sacks, making sure to crunch them down as you go. Once you have filled your sacks, puncture them with a garden fork in a few places to encourage air circulation. Once you are ready store them in a shady corner of your garden and just forget about them for 6 months. After this time they will make a nice mulch for top dressing. The photos below show my world famous sack pricking technique and my leaves shady corner.

Cutting back hedges. I take joy in hedges as they provide a floriferous back drop to the garden and a wonderful home for lots of wildlife. As I wander around I see thousands of houses with 2 metre high walls all around their garden. A good well planted mixed hedge will give you all the security and privacy of a wall but with the added bonus of an ever changing backdrop throughout the seasons.

But as hedges are living things you have to cut them back once a year. Over the years I have developed a technique of planting hedging plants quite close together and making them fight for air, light and space. This technique encourages prolific flowering and is a joy to behold. The photos below shows some of my hedges and the battle of the big cutback. Click on each photo for a larger view.

At the end of the cutback process don’t just throw everything away, instead shred what you can and then either compost the material, or where appropriate spread it as a mulch under your trees. See the photos below.

Refurbishing the chicken soft play area. I am ashamed to admit that I have a chicken soft play area in my garden. Basically it’s an area that once was lawn. It is located right in front of our Naya (Verandha) where Cruella and I sit and take our morning tea. I took out the grass and replaced it with cheap compost, this then allows Cruella’s girls to disport themselves first thing in the morning whilst Cruella feeds them sliced grapes and gives them their instructions for the day.

All of this activity takes place in Chickenese so I have no understanding of what’s going on. Over the years I have picked up key words in Chickenese, but not much, mainly I only understand when she points at me; so I now know the chickenese word for “pig”.

Anyway, I had to stop the big winter cutback to refurbish the soft play area with new compost. She also wants me to install a swing and a slide, but I have refused . Hence my being referred to various international bodies for chicken human rights abuses. I know she is talking nonsense, but I am beginning to worry as I have received several threatening legal letters. She tells me a date is set for hearings so I am thinking of Lawyering up.

The photos below show the start of the refurbishment of the soft play area. Then just when I get the surface all nice and neat they dig it up again.

A blessed and peaceful Christmas to all followers of Spanish Garden

As the gardening year draws to a close, I thank God for the peace, pleasure and knowledge that this year has brought forth from my garden. I extend to you and your family the joy of the season and wishes that your gardening activity in the coming year is both bountiful and floriferous.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

from

James, Cruella (my wife), her chickens, the little white Dove, the spirit of Tango the lonely blind Labrador and the idiot son.

The big Winter cutback Part 1. and the chickens think we are having Tofu for Christmas dinner

Well it’s that time of year again when gardeners need to “stiffen up the sinews and summon up the blood…once more unto the garden, dear friends” yes, it is time for the big winter cutback.

If you prune and cutback your garden now you will see amazing results in spring and summer; failure to do so will leave your garden tired and browning during the summer months. Over the next few posts I will be be cutting back my garden which is full of common Spanish plants that you will find in your garden, and if you follow me week by week then by the time we have finished your garden will be ready for the summer.

The only thing that will hold me back is the obvious festivities celebrating the birth of Christ and the fact that Cruella (my wife) is in paroxysms of ecstasy as she awaits the arrival of our idiot son. All week she and the chickens have been preparing for the return this has included a special Christmas song, a dance and a Japanese Haku – he speaks Japanese and a bit of English! I thought you might like to see the Haku:

Wings flare, voices rise – Our lost chick returns at last, – Yuletide clucks resound.

In addition she has told the chickens that we are having Tofu for Christmas dinner which is of course inaccurate as we are having Turkey; so I now have to call it the “T”word in front of the chickens. The photo below shows the chickens practicing the Haku.

The little white dove leads the chorus

Anyway enough of this festive nonsense, on with the gardening.

13th December 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Over wintering Chillis
  • Pruning Dame de Noche
  • Trimming Oleander
  • Cutting back my towers of flower
  • Pruning Mediterranean Fan Palms

Over wintering Chillis. I do not grow any vegetables apart from Chillis, and if you do the same then it is time to overwinter them.

By now your Chilli plants will be looking tired and a bit ragged and their compost will be completely exhausted. If you leave them like this over winter then they will die. The photos below shows my exhausted Chillis before their cutback and after the big trim. To revive them you first need to cut the whole plant back leaving just a few leaves low on the stem.

Bedraggled
Renewed

Once you have done this you then need to ease each plant out of its large pot ready to fit into a smaller overwintering pot. As you take each plant out radically trim its roots – it won’t need all these roots in a small pot. You then need to repot your plants into a much smaller pot. You need to use a good quality compost to refresh them. Water profusely then leave them sitting on your potting bench over winter. When they start to show new growth in the spring, ease them out and back into their bigger pots and off you go again.

The photos below show the chilli reviving process in action.

Too much root
Light trim
Ready for potting
Nice snug fit
Time for a winter rest

Pruning Dame de Noche. Night flowering Jasmine is a perennial favourite in Spanish gardens, prized for it’s beautiful night scent it is often situated by outdoor seating areas.

This plant can grow very tall if left to its own devices, but it benefits from two prunes a year. Prune once after it has flowered in June/July and it will re flower. Give it a final cutback to your preferred height in Dec/Jan – you can go as low as 18 inches. As I gave my plant a very radical cutback last year, I am leaving it longer this year. The photos below shows my plant before and after its haircut.

Trimming Oleander. Oleander is a Spanish favourite grown either as a single plant or as a hedge. I have a few dotted around my garden mainly as statement plants or part of a set area arrangement.

The first photo below shows an Oleander that I grow in my dry garden area as part of a set arrangement with Osteospermums and yuccas etc. If not cutback every year or so then the Oleander will overwhelm the other low growing plants and ruin the symmetry of this part of the garden. You can cut Oleander back quite radically and it will spring back within a year or so.

The photo below shows an Oleander that stands alone in another part of my garden as a statement plant. Here I only need to prune a couple of inches off the edge to keep the plant shapely.

Cutting back my towers of flower. Regular readers of this blog will know that I grow a number of climbers up an old palm tree that I had chopped back a few years ago. This flowers profusely all summer and gives me a “tower of flower”. To trim this beauty back all I need to do is run my hedge clippers up it and it is ready for another year of flowering.

I would add a note of caution should you wish to copy me. At first you will be able to lean your ladder up against the old palm trunk as you trim. However, after a number of years the centre of the trunk will rot and it is not safe so you need to use a stepladder. Apart from that it is lovely as can be seen below with its seed pods giving winter interest before it is cut back.

Beautiful seedheads
Step Ladder after 5 years
The rot sets in
All ready for next years tower of flower

Pruning Mediterranean Fan Palms. December and January are the best time to prune palms as the dreaded Red Palm Weevil will not be flying. I have a professional Palmista for my large palms, but for a stand of Mediterranean Fan Palms I just get stuck in myself. The photo below shows the palms I need to cutback.

From these photos you can see that there are two key areas of pruning. Firstly the undergrowth of pups needs to be reduced so that you can successfully walk past the palms without being snagged. Secondly the crowns on the large palms need to be pruned back so that the top fronds stand up. When cutting back palms it is always wise to wear a thick jacket and make sure you wear goggles. Despite my best efforts I ended up with a Palm frond hanging by a thorn from my nostril – very painful.

Normally I use short handled lopers for the low growth and my long handled lopers to reach the crown. However, this year I experimented and used my new electric hedge trimmers to cut most of it back. I must confess it was a lot easier although not as neat as normal. The photos below show my efforts.

The big composting special

Hooray it’s that time of year again when I regale you with advice on the merits of composting. For weeks I have been excited about this but unfortunately I mentioned my excitement to Cruella (my wife). Since then she has mercilessly mocked me saying that compost is smelly and that I am an idiot for getting excited about dirt. To make matters worse her chickens have taken to following me around pretending to hold their beaks and shouting smelly in chickenese (at least I think that’s what they are shouting.

But I’ve got my own back. Remember that Coca Cola advert that appears on the television every Christmas, where a large truck with a picture of Santa Claus on the side goes through towns accompanied by the sound track singing “holidays are coming…holidays are coming”. Well that has been me for the past few weeks I have been singing “compost special is coming…compost special is coming”. To say this has annoyed Cruella (my wife) would be an understatement, so much so that I now mumble it under my breath, and when she says what did you just say, I reply “nothing”. I know it’s not much, but I count that as a small victory.

Anyway, on with the show let’s keep the excitement bubbling.

1st November 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Why compost
  • How to compost
  • What to compost
  • What not to compost
  • The key ingredients of compost
  • what should compost look like

Why compost. All garden soil gets depleted over time and lose micro nutrients either they just get washed away by the rain or the plants take them up and the soil needs replenishing. Composting can help improve soil by adding back these nutrients and encouraging helpful bacteria that will break down and improve your soil. When added to your garden compost will help suppress weeds, lessen the need for chemical fertilisers, retain moisture and give you a warm feeling that you are doing a “green thing”. So no matter what your motivation, by composting you will be improving your garden and it will make you a better person.

How to compost. You don’t have to make a big deal out of composting and any one can do it. Whether you have a large garden or just a little patio garden with pots, adding compost will improve your garden. The basic need is to have a compost bin, or compost heap where you can store your compost. This can be very basic such as a little patch of your garden where you tip excess produce and cuttings etc. You could just have a heap in the corner covered by an old carpet, or if you like make a basic container out of chicken wire.  It might be easier just to buy a compost bin from a store and there are thousands of them, from basic one simple bin, right up to multi-bin purpose built composting systems.

As you would expect, I have a purpose built composting system consisting of two large bins with lid for easy access and doors that can be raised to allow me to get at the compost from the bottom. The photo below shows my composting system.

Now, I don’t want you getting compost bin envy, that’s not the idea. I designed these and had them built when we first moved to this house because this size garden calls for this amount of compost. There are fruit trees to be mulched, lots of beds that need seasonal replenishing, lawns that need some topping and all the planting and stuff on the potting bench.

What to compost. Now you can compost most organic material. Examples would be:

  • all plant cuttings and mown grass
  • vegetable trimmings etc from your kitchen
  • old newspapers and cardboard
  • hair and fur from your dog, cat, hamster; even chicken feathers
  • twigs and branches up to about an inch thick
  • eggshells, coffee grounds and filters, tea bags
  • fruit, but not too many lemons or oranges as they will make the heap acidic

What not to compost. You must be careful not to compost the following:

  • cooked food of any sort (this will encourage rats and cockroaches). This includes: meat, bones, fish, fat or dairy
  • leaves or cuttings from plants that have been infected with disease or pathogens such as rust on Roses or mildew. If you compost these then you will infect the heap.
  • dog or cat poo; and don’t even think of human poo.

The key ingredients of compost. Quite simply good composting requires four things:

1. Green items: that add nitrogen (grass, leaves etc)

2. Brown items: that add carbon (twigs, branches, newspapers etc)

3. Water: to keep the heap moist but not wet (don’t let it dry out, but don’t over soak it)

4. Air: oxygen is needed to encourage the composting process, so once a month you need to stir your compost with a fork or spade to keep the air circulating.

There is one other vital ingredient that you can choose to add to your compost heap, and that is “compost accelerator”. This is normally added as a powder which encourages the development of microbes in your compost heap and speeds up the composting process.

The photo below shows all the key ingredients apart from air; but I assure you it is there. In the photo you will also see a special compost turning tool that I bought some 20 years ago. You just push this into your compost heap then the two little wings at the bottom of the rod come out as you pull up and the whole heap is lifted and turned. If you can find one, buy it.

What should  compost look like? A question I am always asked (I lead an interesting life). The photos below show the current state of my compost bins. The first photo is the bin currently in use, and you can see all the ingredients I talked about above. The second photo shows the resting bin this has been in use for a few weeks that and has already had lots of compost removed. You can see from this photo that the bin is half empty, and this is because all the insects and beneficial microbes will have eaten stuff whilst making the compost. The final photo shows the finished compost; or as I call it black gold. Each of these bins will on average give me 20 wheel barrow loads of compost each year.

Gettting in the compost bin. One of the great joys at the end of a hard days gardening of trimming and cutting is to get in the compost bin and tread it all down. What do you mean you’ve never done this, just me then. One of the drawbacks of getting in the bin and stomping your compost down is that quite often you have cockroaches run up your legs which can be disquieting. To overcome this I have cut a board exactly the size of my bin which I fit into the top and then jump up and down on (patent applied for).

The photos below show my bin with the board in place, followed by a view of a reduced bin. Finally, I had to take a selfie of me in the bin as Cruella (my wife) refused to,come near because of cockroaches. Just after she took this photo, Cruella slammed the lid down and I was in there for two days. I must say they were the happiest two days of my life. She only got me out because the dishwasher needed emptying.

It is time to get out there and gather seeds

Gardening never stops, it just has lulls. Technically a lull is a time that is less frenetic, when you can take stock, look around and begin to plan for the future. Now is our autumn lull, summer flowering is over and it is not yet time for our big winter cutback.

This is the perfect time to wander round your garden and look for seed heads and potential self seeding seedlings. So come on let’s get gardening.

29th September 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Assessing flower beds
  • Checking for seedlings
  • Gathering seeds
  • Planning my lawn renovations

Assessing flower beds. By now most of the plants in your flowerbeds will have gone to seed or just gone over and died right back. You should now be going through your flowerbeds forensically examining what to keep, what to cut back, what to put on the compost and what will offer you seeds for next year.

The photos below show my forensic trawl taking out what needs to come out and overall assessing space for upcoming plants.


Checking for seedlings. Once I have removed or cutback and assessed what potential there is for seedheads, then I look carefully for seedlings coming through. A mainstay of my flowerbeds is Osteospermum (Daisy). This a is a free flowering self seeding perennial champion that will never let you down. Each year I will take the floppiest specimens out, cutback those with potential, and leave space for their self seeded seedlings to come through. The photo below shows the lovely little seedlings peeping through.

In a month or so when these have grown a bit bigger, I will either pot them up into seed trays or sometimes, I just relocate them into the positions I want them. Either way, it is hundreds of free plants.

Gathering seeds. Once the flowerbeds have been examined it is time to begin looking around for seedheads. The photo below shows me setting off with my secateurs, gardening knife and plastic bag to hold seed heads.
If you just look in your garden there will be hundreds out there. I gathered the following:

Petunias. This was my first time growing Petunia and they were a great success. The seeds heads are very tricky so don’t be put off. The seedheads are small and seeds are like dust. You need to get the seed head when it is just beginning to open and has a brownish look to its tips. See the photos below.

Marigolds. Another of my garden stalwarts and a great source of seed. I normally mark up the most promising flower with a piece of masking tape so that when it comes to collecting seeds, I can identify them. The photos below show my marked up seedheads ready for harvesting.

Each Marigold seedhead will provide you with hundreds of seeds. All you have to do is clean the seedhead up and then roll it between your thumb and forefinger and let the seeds cascade into your palm.

Pink Trumpet Vine. The pink trumpet vine has dramatic seedheads that are a decoration to the garden in their own right. Each seedhead is long and thin and can grow up to almost a metre in length. My tower of flower is covered in these lovely seed casings. See the photo below.

The secret with Pink Trumpet is to wait till the seed casings are completely dry and brown. Once they are ready they will easily split vertically to reveal their row of seeds waiting to be harvested. Don’t harvest these on a windy day as the seeds are meant to be airborne so will just blow away. Instead split the casings over a waiting envelope and let the seeds fall in. See photos below.

Loofahs. Some of your loofah seedheads should be ready by now, and again they must be fully brown and dry. In addition, to make sure they are ready, give them a little shake, and if they are ready you will hear the seeds rattling around inside. Don’t make the mistake of thinking your Loofah plants have died back, they have a habit of putting on another spurt of growth and producing new pods. The photos below show below shows some of my loofah ready to harvest.

With Loofahs you want to collect both the seeds and the pod itself. Regular readers will know that the pods have great exfoliant powers and are wonderful in your shower. I harvest quite a lot of these and sell them on to Cruella (my wife) and all the friends in her coven. They fly in from all over the netherworld as Loofahs are capable of removing even the most stubborn nose wart.

To access the seed crack open the top and pour the seeds into your palm. To harvest the pod just roll the pod between your hands till it cracks, peel of the dead skin and there you have it a loofah.

The final results of my efforts can be seen below. These will be safely stored in the dry and the dark, till God willing, I begin to work with them in the Spring.

I garden with tears in my eyes and the chickens gamble for Tango’s things

We all knew it was coming but it is now official; Tango the lonely blind Labrador is lonely no more and he can see. He has gone to be an Angel in God’s garden, joining his brother in chicken free glory.

We better get on with the gardening or this will end up as a tear stained blog filled with memories and no plants.

10th September 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Giving hedges a little trim
  • A bit of messing around with trees
  • Beginning to harvest grapes
  • Using Cathie’s big pots
  • Tango bids farewell amidst unsightly chicken behaviour

Giving hedges a little trim. If you have hedges now is not the time to undertake a big cutback, that can wait till January. However, if your hedges are getting in the way of other plants or are stopping you walking round your garden, then now is not a bad time to get them back into shape as September is still warm and there will still be growth.

Some of my hedges overlook my lawn, and as such they shade part of the grass, more importantly they will impede my lawn work in October. The photos below show the problem.

Using my long handled hedge trimmers I just gently took off the ends of the main branches to expose the lawn ready for scarifying, top dressing, reseeding and feeding in October. See the difference below.

A bit of messing around with trees. Just like hedges, you shouldn’t really cut trees at the moment. However, there are two things you should be looking out for and dealing with.

Firstly, if you have any variegated leafed trees then you need to keep an eye out for full green leafed growth. Fully green leaves have much more chlorophyll and are therefore better able to process sunlight than the variegated type. In effect this means if you do not cut out fully green growth then it will soon take over the tree and you no longer have variegation.

I have a weeping Ficus that I cloud prune, therefore I keep an eye on it for green growth. The photos below show my little tree, but then round the back I have discovered some full green growth. It had to go.

Secondly, If you have deciduous trees, that lose all their leaves in winter, then now is the time to look out for and cut out dead branches. Whilst the trees still have their leaves you are able to detect any branches that are totally leafless. Check that the branches are dead by scraping back the bark in a small area. If you see no green then the branches is dead. Just cut it right out at its base. The photos below show me taking out dead branches on a little peach tree.

Beginning to harvest grapes. You will remember in a previous post that I recommended that you bag up your grapes to save them from pests and disease. Well if you did so then now is the time to begin harvesting.

On a weekly basis go round and look inside each of your little bags to see how your grapes are ripening. I recommend that you do not try to harvest them all at once, as they will ripen at different times, and anyway you can’t eat them all at once.

To harvest your grapes just cut the stem above the bag and remove your bunch. All you have to do then is give them a rinse, let them dry and refrigerate to eat at your leisure. See my efforts below.

Using Cathie’s big pots. My friend Cathie kindly donated two large interesting pots to me some 6 months ago. Cathie is one of those gardeners who has an eye for garden design, but an uncanny habit of killing any plant she touches.

Although I have pots, I never really consider myself a pot gardener. But these were too good to turn down so I have spent the past six months contemplating how to use them, what to plant in them and where to put them.

I have grown a variety of cuttings as potential pot residents, but eventually I have decided on “little pickles” as the tenants. The lovely pots and their potential new tenants can be seen in the photo below.

I didn’t want to just fill the pots with compost as this would have been a waste. So instead I stuffed half of each pot with old T-shirts and a few pots and topped up the remainder with compost rammed down. I then eased the little pickles out of their pots; both showed good root growth as can be seen below. I think they look rather nice in their final position. As they grow and cascade to touch the ground I will take some cuttings to give to Cathie to kill.

Tango bids farewell amidst unsightly chicken behaviour. We knew it was coming but it didn’t make it any easier. The vet duly called, Tango was sleeping and barely raised his head as the vet shaved his leg for his final injection. He passed so peacefully. Cruella (my wife) threw herself on his lifeless body in a fit of funereal histrionics, her chickens meanwhile gazed through the window at Tangos deathbed scene with blank eyed indifference.

The vet took Tango away and I went down to the Wild Wood to tell the bees. It is traditional when a member of the family passes away to go and tell the bees. I went to each hive and knocked three times and said the traditional words: “Bees, bees, hear what I say, poor old blind Tango has passed away.” The bees were very respectful and it gladdened my sad heart.

As I came up from the wood I could hear a cacophony of cackling Chickenese coupled with squabbling noises. As I rounded the corner of the house there was Cruella and her chickens throwing dice to decide who would get Tango’s various things. His bed, collars, brushes, dinner bowls and leads were all laid out in front of them as they gambled for them.

I rushed forward and gathered everything up and raced to my shed and locked myself in. They are out there now shouting profanities in Chickenese whilst Cruella keeps trying to get the door open. They have no respect, I think they’ve been drinking.

Tango when he was a puppy, he could see and he wasn’t lonely.




I pick seed winners, rescue a Leek and demand that chickens wear nappies

We are now in the dog days of Summer; the heat is intense, plants are wilting, water bills are high and Cruella (my wife) is refusing to fit nappies (diapers for US readers) to her chickens. I know it is all a bit surreal, but you should try living here. Anyway on with the gardening.

20th August 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Selecting the best blooms for seed
  • Cutting back Petunias
  • Dealing with tree suckers
  • Rescuing a common houseleek
  • Petitioning for chicken nappies

Selecting the best blooms for seed. Now is the time to consider which blooms you are not going to deadhead, but instead save for next years seed. As you wander up and down your borders deadheading, look out for the best blooms and mark them for seed. To be honest I should have done this earlier in the summer but I have been just too busy.

The benefit of marking the best flowers for seed, is that you do not accidentally deadhead them. Just get some masking tape, select the blooms you want to save, and wrap a band of masking tape around the stem to remind you not to deadhead this particular flower. I do this because when the flowers shrivel and die they all look alike, but if I mark the best ones I will save them for my next years seed. The photos below show some of my marked blooms.

Cutting back Petunias. I have mentioned in recent post that I have been delighted with Petunias this year. They have flowered like crazy and given me much joy. As long as you deadhead them each day – by plucking off spent flowers – they will keep flowering. However, by now they are getting a bit leggy as you can see in the photo below.

For some reason this pot does extremely well

To keep them flowering then you need to cut back the longer stems by a third to half. Don’t do all of them just select a few each week and prune them with secateurs. The photos below show me pruning to ensure flowering all the way to October hopefully.

Dealing with tree suckers. Tree suckers are those little bright green shoots that you see sprouting from the bottom of the trunk on your trees. It is important that you remove these as they are in effect sucking the goodness out of your tree before it reaches the leaves and fruit.

Tree suckers are particularly a problem on older trees, especially those suckers that are growing from below the soil as these may be root stock suckers that are no good to anyone. You need to remove suckers on a regular basis. The simplest way is to pull sharply downwards on the sucker and tear it away from the trunk, this method is far better than cutting with secateurs, as it seems to inhibit further growth.

The photos below show a sample of my trees before and after with a variety of types of suckers. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Do not use your hands to remove suckers from palms

Rescuing a common house leek. I don’t have many succulents in pots, but a while ago I potted up some house leeks with a variety of other succulents and they looked rather nice. Well, they all started to die and rot and it was all my fault. It was simple really, my nice pot of succulents sat between two pots of petunias, and as I watered one pot of petunias and moved across to the next, I would just give the succulents a squirt of water. But never do this, or you will get what I got a pot of rot. See the photo below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

If you catch this in time, then the solution is simple, stop watering! Then you have to dig up the plants, clean them of dead foliage and rot and repot them in a nice free draining compost with added vermiculite. Once settled water them once a month if necessary The photos below show my little succulents being rescued and revived.

Petitioning for chicken nappies. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but Cruella’s chickens are poohing everywhere they shouldn’t. I expect them to pooh in the garden, in fact I welcome it. But lately they have been congregating on our Naya (veranda), covering it in Pooh and then sneaking into the house to torment Tango the lonely blind Labrador by poohing near him. He then rolls over to ease his many pains and ends up covered in chicken Pooh.

I approached Cruella (my wife) with the problem, but she flat out denied that it was her girls. She began to blush and exclaimed that her girls were too well brought up for such things and were well versed in “toilette”. Anyway I presented her with the photo evidence below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Pooh covered Naya
sneaking in
they are on tiptoes
Tango suspects they are there

At first she denied they were real photos and I must have photoshopped her girls in. When I insisted this was not the case she changed her story and said her girls were just popping in to see if Tango the lonely blind Labrador was ok!?

Anyway, she has refused my suggestion of chicken nappies and instead insisted that I should put up an old fly screen over the door. So far poor old Tango has got tangled in the screen and fallen out the door three times; the chickens just stand back and mock him in chickenese as he struggles to free himself. It is a bit like watching Samson being mocked in the temple of Dagon by the Philistines.

I am deadheading night and day, Cruella has a new broom and the chickens are disrespecting Tango

By now your garden should be at its peak, with flowers galore, soft fruits and figs etc coming out of your ears. And yes, I know it’s hot, but when the going gets tough, the tough get gardening. As if all this isn’t enough Cruella has upgraded her broom to a digital model, she says it is the equivalent of the Airfryer of brooms, but I don’t know what she is talking about. The photo below shows a delighted Cruella with her new broom.

If you look closely the handle has a hole in the top, Cruella tells me this is to hang your handbag when flying.

Oh! and the chickens are trying to make Tango the lonely blind Labrador homeless and are disrespecting him. Anyway, on with the gardening.

5th August 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Deadheading
  • Harvesting and preserving figs
  • Dealing with the Chillis disaster
  • The chickens are disrespecting Tango

Deadheading. You have done all the hard work, planting seeds, potting on, planting out etc. And now you can enjoy your lovely summer flowers. Even if you shamefully went out and bought your plants, I can forgive you, as long as you deadhead every day.

Every plant will attempt to flower only once and then put all its energy into setting seed. The plants whole purpose is to fulfill its life cycle by setting the next generation. However, if you let this happen then all you will mainly get is a quick flush of flower then borders full of brownish wilting plant stems.

If you want flowers all summer then you need to deadhead daily. At its simplest this means taking off the spent flowers heads to encourage the plant to continue to flower.

Most deadheading is very simple. Take your secateurs to just under the spent flowers head, but don’t cut there. Instead, slide your secateurs down the stem of the plant till you meet the next flush of leaves, cut here. In this way your cut will be at a growth node and you will not be leaving behind deadwood that could get infected. However, sometimes you have to deadhead certain plants differently so I have outlined some examples below.

Marigolds. Marigolds are stalwarts in my flower beds and are wonderful flowerers all summer. You deadhead Marigolds in the traditional way by moving your secateurs down the stem. See photos.

Petunias. I have planted Petunias from seed this year and they have been delightful. Once they get going they flower profusely with new flowers every day. To get the best out of Petunias I deadhead them every morning and sometimes twice a day.

You do not prune Petunias, instead you deftly pluck out the spent flowers. However, it is difficult at first to tell which is a new flower and which is a spent flower. So you have to train your eye to tell the difference. A new unopened flower will come straight out from the stem as a closed funnel (which to be honest can look dead).

A spent flower that has been left and not deadheaded soon enough looks exactly like a new flower with the only difference that it has a slight curl at the end, and if you feel it, it will feel a little bit crusty. The first photo below shows an emerging flower, whilst the second shows a spent flower.

New flower
Dead flower

Cruella just looked over my shoulder, read this and said “nobody cares about your bloody flowers”.

Roses. Most of my roses are single bloomers and in the main it is all over by late May with another little flush roundabout now. The one exception is an old standard rose that I planted in a hedge years ago. This thrives on neglect and flowers beautifully all summer. To prune roses, wait until most of the colour has gone out of the individual blooms and then deadhead by sliding your secateurs down the stem as outlined above. The photo below shows my lovely old rose flowering away and how to deadhead.

Rain Lily. By now all of my bulb plants have flowered, been deadheaded and are happily sleeping in the soil till next Spring. The one exception is a lovely little pot of Rain Lily (Zephranthes Carinata). This lovely little plant flowers like crazy, but like all bulbs you just take off the seed head and let the stems die back naturally. It will be cut back to the soil in the autumn, but now it is time to just enjoy. The photos below show the little wonder.

Harvesting and preserving figs. If you pruned your fig tree correctly, then by now you will be awash with figs. Luckily I love figs, but even I can’t keep up with the harvest. The photos below show my daily harvest from two trees.

Now there are lots of things you can make with figs, so just look it up on the internet. But, if you want to preserve that luscious juicy feeling through till the autumn then I recommend drying your figs in the sun and then freezing them for use later.

It is quite simple as long as you remember that your figs will be under attack from ants, flys and birds, so you have to protect them. All you need is a few mesh baking type trays, fly coverings which you can get from most “China” shops (sorry those of you in the US, it is a common term in Spain).

Cut your figs into halves and then space them out in rows on your mesh tray. Put this out into your garden on a table in full sun all day. You must place the legs of your table into pots of water to ensure that ants can’t climb up and destroy your figs. The easiest thing to do is just cut a plastic orange or milk bottle in two and fill the bottom with water.

Leave your figs in full sun all day, but take them indoors each night and keep them covered. It takes about two to three days to dry the figs. The first photo below shows my sun drying technique, whilst the second shows some figs ready to freeze. They can be used as a snack or used in cereals and porridge.

Note the legs in water
Autumn treats

Dealing with the Chillis disaster. I have grown lots of Chilli plants from seed this year. I had so many that I kept 8 but have given lots away to friends. All was going well with plenty of flowers and nascent Chillis; that was until the chickens found them. I had placed them in pots at the rear of our house where the chickens seldom go, but I came out one morning to find the plants stripped of all flowers and the little Chillis and most of the leaves.

I was extremely distressed and complained to Cruella (my wife), but she just shrugged her shoulders and said “girls will be girls, you shouldn’t have left the stupid things there anyway”. In the end I put my plants up on tables out of the reach of the chickens, but then we had a terrible storm that blew all the plants off the table and removed all the new little Chillis. I have persevered and at last I have some Chillis. See the photos below for the hapless chilli plants and my little harvest.

It seemed a good idea putting them on tables
A hard won harvest

The chickens are disrespecting Tango. Tango the lonely blind Labrador was for so many years top dog. Together with his late brother Nero he rampaged around the garden, guarded the house and was generally just lovely. However, lately age and ill health have forced him down the animal pecking order. Now 17, blind, deaf, only three good legs and a gigantic tumour he cuts a sad figure. To me he will always be a puppy, but Cruella and her chickens laugh at him, mock his infirmities and snigger when he can’t get up. He is a bit like Samuel chained to the pillars by the Philistines in the temple of Dagon.

Tango’s situation has been made worse by Cruella’s new broom. She has been distracted with test flights and the chickens and their friend the Dove have started picking on Tango. They turn their backs to him every time he walks past and just snigger. They try and stop him entering the house by blocking the doorway. However, the latest indignity is the worst; the Dove has started bathing in Tango’s drinking bowl.

Tango has started having stress nose bleeds, so we are pulling together a “class action” to prove cruelty to dogs and Chillis. We are still working on the paper work, I will let you know how we get on. The photos below show Cruella starting one of her test flights, followed by various acts of cruelty.

She has already knocked the satellite dish off the roof
Mockery
Trying to keep Tango out
Shameful behaviour

The idiot returns, chickens net figs, I style Yuccas and sing to orphans

All of the above is true, and in that order. I know we are stretching it a bit as a gardening blog, but all I really want to do is garden, but other things keep interfering.

Our idiot son returned for his birthday weekend. Cruella (my wife) and her chickens had spent days preparing. There were banners, a specially commissioned song in Chickenese and a Haiku poem as he likes Japan.

Welcome, dearest one

The house wakes to your presence

Sunlight fills the rooms.

When Cruella told me that her girls were going to perform a special Haiku, I thought she meant Haka that the New Zealand rugby players do; I was looking forward to seeing chickens dancing and sticking out their tongues, you can imagine my disappointment. Anyway, on with the gardening.

19th July 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Netting figs
  • Styling Yuccas
  • Singing to orphans as I clear the potting bench

Netting Figs
If you have fig trees then now is the time to net them. Even though your figs are probably not quite ripe, don’t postpone this necessary task as the birds can easily strip a fig tree of ripe fruit overnight.

If you are going to net your figs or other fruits, then it is important that you use the correct small gauge mesh netting. If you use a larger open mesh then this will become invisible to the birds, they will fly into it and get caught. When you come out in the morning to inspect your figs you will find a flock of fat birds hanging upside down and flapping. The photo below shows the netting I use.

I have two fig trees, one of which I have espaliered along a wall. My normal approach is to invite different friends around to assist with this task. But Cruella insisted that it would be a good bonding activity for her girls and their brother (the idiot son). Despite my protests that chickens could not net, she insisted her girls had been raised to do anything a man could do.

I netted the espalier fig myself and would have gone on to try and net the big fig myself, but Cruella saw me and insisted I was denying her girls a “learning experience”. Anyway the photos below show the espalier being netted.

The first part of netting the big fig is to measure out and cut the amount of net needed. Once this is done you need to join together the two halves of the net as most nets are never wide enough to completely cover the tree. The photos below show Cruella and the idiot boy in action. I was in charge of strategy and Cruella decided it was too hot for the chickens and they should remain in the shade.

Cruella had already smothered them in sun screen

The photos below show the measuring out stage followed by the joining together stage.

The idiot boy trying to find the end of the net
Cruella waits patiently
He eventually found it
For some strange reason he started to dance

The next stage is hauling your net over the top of the tree without it becoming ensnared into the branches at the top. I have developed a technique over the years that requires two people to manoeuvre the net down the side of the tree whilst I hoist the middle of the net up using an extendable pole. The photos below show this process in action.

Cruella holds it all together
The big lift

The final stage is tieing your net down around the tree to lower branches. The photos below shows the idiot son in action tying in, followed by a triumphant photo of me.

5 years in the scouts and still can’t tie a knot
Post netting cuddle for Elsa
None of this would have been possible without my technical,expertise

When we had finally netted and tied down the tree, Cruella insisted that we should have a party to celebrate her girls first time netting; I pointed out that they hadn’t done anything but she accused me of nitpicking or possibly a “hate crime”. Anyway the party photos are below.

This was the cabaret the idiot boy doing his ventriloquism act
Cruella insisted her girls are carried to bed after a strenuous day


Styling Yuccas
Those of you with Yuccas – and this means everyone in Spain – know that these can be useful, hardy, statuesque plants that can add height and interest to your garden. However once Yuccas get too tall or messy then they detract from your garden and end up looking like extras from those bad 1960’s westerns. It needn’t be this way. As Yuccas are canes they can be cut back and shaped to your desire and they will normally regrow from around your cut area.

Every 5 years or so I chop all my yuccas back to a manageable and interesting height. I then leave the cut plants for about 3 months or so till I start seeing regrowth. Usually there will be far more sprouting shoots than you require and some will be in the wrong place. All you need to do, is take your gardening knife, wander round the plant and choose the shoots that you wish to retain, those you don’t want just cut back cleanly where they join the trunk.

The photos below show where to prune and my various yuccas before and after their restyling. Click on each photo for a larger view.


Singing to orphans as I clear the potting bench

One of my saddest jobs as a gardeners is telling the plants that remain on the potting bench that unfortunately they won’t be going out in the garden. These are the orphans who have failed to be chosen, either because they are just not pretty enough or are just too immature. Now with the hot weather they won’t be able to be planted out.

I always start the talk the same way; I tell them they are “special”, and just because they haven’t been chosen doesn’t mean they can’t be happy. I talk about all their friends who are now growing in the garden and how they are getting on. Sometimes we cry, but that’s only to be expected, though I try not to break down in front of them.

I always end my talk the same way by telling them I have been proud to grow them, they haven’t let me down and God loves them for what they are. After my talk, and when everyone has dried their eyes, it’s on to the annual sing song.

This is my favourite part. I sit on the compost bin lid with my legs dangling over the edge and beat out the music to all their favourite songs. Mainly they like songs from the shows: Evita is one of their favourites as they like the drama. My absolute favourite is “Nelly the Elephant”, I bash this out really loudly and we all belt out the chorus. Cruella came round the corner and asked me why I was singing “Nelly the Elephant”. I explained it was our annual singing. She said “I didn’t hear any singing only you” I didn’t tell her you need a Soul to hear it.

Our finale is always the same song “The Sun will come out tomorrow” from the show Annie. It is always good to end on optimism. I kiss them all goodnight and slowly walk away. I postpone the compost bin till tomorrow!

The sun will come out tomorrow

Grapes in bags, Figs weeping acid and Sussex died in front of me

Let me start with the non gardening bit; Sussex is not related to that “Meghan”, but the chicken Sussex, who unfortunately has died in the heat. I was walking past her and she just keeled over and died. Cruella (my wife) has accused me of being involved and has contacted the police, she refers to me as “the perp”. Technically I am on the run so don’t tell anyone where I am. On with the gardening.

4th July 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Dressing grapevines and bagging grapes
  • Getting my figs ready for netting
  • Succession planting with Petunias
  • Goodbye to the mini greenhouse till next year
  • The death of Sussex

Dressing grapevines and bagging grapes. At this time of year your grapevines will be overflowing with leaf growth and hopefully some bunches of grapes. The photos below show my grapevines as leafy behemoths.

Too much leafy growth hinders grapes
Ornamentals can be left leafy

Now if you are growing them to be ornamental – like the one at the front of my house – then this is fine. However, if you want to maximise grapes, then you need to dress your grapevines. This process has been going on for centuries and is even mentioned in the Bible. In effect it means, pruning, tying in, removing suckers, thinning leaves and generally maximising your opportunities for grapes.

At this time of year your will need to cutback the unproductive growth on your grapevine as this will take energy away from grape production. Just cutback to a leaf node on the longest branches and make sure you let light into the grapes. The photos below show firstly, where to cutback and secondly you can see that I am training a vine to go through an existing Euphorbia and along a wire ( just for fun).

Remember you are not pruning, just dressing
This branch has grown 4 metres since January

Finally, if you really want to get serious with your grapes, bag them into horticultural bags. This saves them from wasps, too much sun and other baddies. You can buy these bags in most garden centres in Spain and on Amazon. All you do is pop the grapes into the open end of the bag and then tie the bag at the top. By leaving the bottom open the grapes get air, and you get to check them occasionally. When they are ready just cut them off at the vine, turn the bag upside down and you have a ready made bag of grapes – enjoy!

It’s in the bag

Getting my figs ready for netting. Regular readers of this blog will know that I prune my figs back very hard each January in pollarding style. They always come back with tremendous growth and hopefully give me two flushes of fruits. The only slight setback with this method is that the new growth can hinder the necessary netting of the figs to stop birds eating everything. The photo below shows my very leafy figs

To successfully net the figs requires me to take off the longest branches. The danger in doing this in Summer is that when cut, figs weep a very caustic sap which will burn flesh quite severely. So before you cut, gear up with long sleeved jacket, proper shoes and socks a hat and preferably eye covering as well. The photos below show me dressed in my extreme winter gear ready to get cutting( I had to wear shorts it was so hot).

Cruella took these photos before she found out about Sussex
This is my best severe weather gardening jacket

When you are cutting the fig, start from the bottom and work your way around the tree to the top. In this way you will not have caustic sap dripping on you as you work. The photos below show my working from the bottom and the caustic sap dripping from a cut branch.

Mind the sap

Finally don’t try and clear anything up for at least 24 hours, this will ensure that the sap will be completely dried both on the cuttings and the tree branches.

Don’t you dare touch this for at least 24 hours or off to A&E you will go

Succession planting with Petunias. A good gardener will have a succession plan for their garden to ensure that they have seasonal flowers nearly all year. Now I know that you are all good gardeners and you wouldn’t consider just going out every weekend and buying more plants from garden centres!

My final part of succession planting for this year is Petunias. These go into the spaces left by early bulbs and various Irises. A packet of Petunia seeds will provide you with hundreds of plants for just a few Euros. The photos below show the various stages of my little Petunias as they make their way to the planting beds.

Planting seeds
Pricking out
Lovely little roots
Growing on
Acclimatising but safe from the Blackbirds

With all succession planting the key is to reinvigorate and prepare the soil between each round of plantings. In this case it means lightly digging over the soil with a trowel, removing spent bulb stalks and them most importantly replenishing the soil with a layer of fresh compost from your compost bin. The photos below show this process.

Lovely free compost

Finally it is time to plant out the new seedlings. Remember you can only plant now with plants that you have grown from seed and fully acclimatised; plants bought from garden centres and planted now will usually die. The photos show some of the many seedlings I planted followed by a photo of the first flowers.

They will flower all the way through till October as long as you take off spent flowers by plucking not cutting

Goodbye to the mini greenhouse till next year. With just my cheap little mini greenhouse and packets of seeds I have managed to keep my garden in flower all year. It is now time to put the little greenhouse away together with all my seed trays. Remember you could easily do this starting from next January. You would not only save money, you would have the joy of nurturing your own plants from seeds to planting and see the wonders of God at close hand.

The roof has caved in, but I might just get another year out of it
Treated carefully seed trays will last for years

The death of Sussex. I was just walking up the drive to deadhead some Marigolds, when I heard a squawking from under an Orange tree. I looked round and Sussex (the chicken) just keeled over and died. When I informed Cruella (my wife) she screamed “what have you done”. Despite all my protestations she insisted on gathering what she termed forensic evidence; she watches too much CSI type programmes.

Anyway, she swabbed the inside of my mouth with a cotton bud, took scrapings from under my nails and plucked a load of hair from my head. She has informed me that this is going off to the Lab and that I shouldn’t leave the country. She tried to get me to report to her every evening and surrender my Passport, but I refused.

So technically I am on the run. I mainly hide out in the shed and at night sleep in the compost bins. I only sneak out in the late evening to do a bit of deadheading or sometimes prune a few things back. She knows I am still here as she has placed police tape across all the gates to stop me getting away.

The photo below shows Sussex involved in a delegation lobbying me on some chicken rights issue.