Author: spanishgarden

The terrible pun in the title above was a feeble attempt to keep everyone focused on the Big Winter Chop Down. It really is important that you get everything chopped back, pruned and tidy this month. If you leave it too late then growth can happen very quickly in Spain and you can find yourself having to cutback just when buds are appearing. Anyway, with that dire warning ringing in your ears let’s get this show on the road.

9th January – Things I have been doing lately

🌳 Cutting back hedges. I have over 100 metres of mixed hedges. These consist of Hibiscus, Bignonia, Pink Trumpet Vine, Plumbago, Roses, Bougainvillea, Jasmine a self seeded Pomegranate and a Partridge in a Peartree, ok I lied about the last one. All of these plants intertwine and are encouraged to fight for light and space, which in turn produces a vivid wall of colour and interest for at least 9 months of the year. Over the summer the hedge can grow in parts to over 10ft tall, which means it all has to be brought back into shape during the big chop down.

Normally I bring everything down to line up with the front wall and railings and square it off over the lawn to make sure there is no overhang during winter which could kill off parts of the lawn. This includes using a hedge trimmer, lopers, secateurs all of which I utilise precariously from a mobile platform. If you have hedges then you have to be cruel to be kind, if you don’t cut back then all you will have is straggly leggy growth poking over your railing or wall. Many gardens in Spain have this untidy look which can be seen as you walk along the road. By cutting your hedges back hard in January you are guaranteeing dense flower filled growth. You only need do it once a year but it is definitely worth it. The top two photos below show the hedge before its haircut and the bottom two show it newly trimmed (click on each photo for an enlarged view).

🌺 Cutting back Canna. You no doubt remember that I planted some lovely Canna earlier this year to take the place of Pampas grass that had become a bit unruly. The Canna have been a joy and provided a lovely statement plant in a key area of my garden. The Canna have been allowed to die back so that all the goodness goes back down into the soil and the rhizomes (a bit like bulbs but uglier). The die back process is important for Canna if you cut off the top growth too soon then you are denying the plant all its sustenance for next year; and that means weedy growth and no flowers.

Because we do not have frost in our part of Spain it is safe to leave Cannas in the ground over Winter. When all the leaves have gone brown and the stems are starting to collapse, you just need to cut the main stems of the Canna back to between 4-6 inches from the ground. If you cutback any less the plant could start secondary growth during warm weather which will ruin next year’s flowers. If you cut back any more then you risk getting too close to the rhizomes and damaging them.

If you haven’t got Cannas yet, then what is stopping you, get on with it. You can purchase rhizomes on line from respectable growers in the U.K. and they will deliver in Spain. Or, you could just wait till I divide my Cannas in a couple of years – I will undercut anyone’s price in my new Secondary Canna market. The photos below show the dying Canna and then their new cutback status. They should miraculously be back by Easter; remind you of any one (click on each photo for an enlarged view).

🌾 Cutting back grasses. Apart from my lawns I don’t really have any other grasses. The only exception; after my brief dalliance with Pampas, is Pennisetum (Fountain grass). This grass is popular in Spain and can be seen in many gardens and municipal plantings. This is a lovely showy grass with beautiful bobbing seed heads lofted on long graceful blades. Normally I copy the municipal gardeners and cut this back to about 25cm in January. However, this means that the grass never really gets very big, and yet I have seen quite big ones in some gardens. So by way of experiment, this year, I am just cutting off the seedheads and seeing if I can grow the overall size of the plant. I will let you know what happens. By the way if you fancy growing this grass, remember that all grasses need much more water than their desiccated looks would lead you to believe. The photos below show the Fountain grass prior to its trim and then afterwards in its new slightly reduced state. (click on each photo for an enlarged view).

The big Winter Chop Down in the garden has just started and I have already completed my annual fall off a ladder. This annual event involves me balancing precariously either up a tree or on top of various types of ladders and platforms. This year’s occurrence whilst not being as spectacular as some past years, did involve me falling about six foot on to my head and side whilst holding a hedge trimmer. My hand and wrist were a bit damaged, but hey my heads ok. Cruella (my wife) says it’s the thickest part of my body. Anyway, let’s get this blog started I have messed around long enough with triviality and medical updates; mind you it does hurt, and I do have a rather fetching stretchy thing on my wrist. See photo below.

5th December: Things I have doing lately.

🌿 Cutting back Lantana. Before you start the big chop down it is a good idea to cut back perennials otherwise you risk damaging them as heavy prunings drop on to them. In my case this only really applies to Lantana. So if you have Lantana, and lots of people in Spain do, then now is the time to cut them back. Lantana can take quite hard pruning, in many cases to just about six inches for mature plants. I have two type of Lantana in my garden: trailing ground cover type and the normal bush type. The bush ones are only about a year old so I have not cut them back very much, whilst the trailing ones I can cut back quite drastically and they will come back as they are older. The pictures below show the Lantana in their unpruned and pruned states.

🌳 Pruning trees. I have lots of trees, many are fruit trees and a considerable number are pines. However, the only ones that I really prune besides the fruit trees are a large evergreen Ficus and a large Mimosa. Ficus are lovely evergreen trees that do well in Spain, but they can get a bit top heavy and bulky. Here in Spain they have overcome this by cutting out the main trunk and creating a donut shape with the branches. I copied this about five years ago (one of my more spectacular falls) and it looks very nice. However, if you are going to do this, and I recommend it, you have to cut it back to shape every year. To be honest this involves lots of clambering around in the branches with a chainsaw or hedge trimmer so I really would recommend getting a professional in. My fellow garden blogger Tony Tomeo @tonytomeo.wordpress.com is the tree expert, but as he lives in the US he won’t be able to pop round, but he can offer good advice.

Anyway, pruning the Ficus in to shape has to take place each January because by this time your donut is gradually filling back in again and you need to reshape it. The photos below show the Ficus before and after its annual reshaping.

The Mimosa is a different kettle of fish; although I don’t tend to prune it annually it can be a very bulky tree and grow to over 30ft. In my case the canopy of the tree was gradually edging towards the roof guttering and it was overshadowing the dogs kennel. Whilst some shade is important, the dogs were living in permanent twilight. As with all big pruning exercises, take your time saunter around the tree for a few days and eye up it’s structure and look at the lay of the main branches. Should the tree ask “who are you looking at”, just deny everything and say you are just out for a walk. Never tell them in advance they are going to be pruned, they get skittish and play up.

The eventual outcome was that I have raised the canopy of the Mimosa by removing the main lower branches. Overall I am happy with the outcome as I have taken it away from the roof guttering and the dogs now have more light, though they are now requesting sun glasses. Raybans! would you believe, that of course is ridiculous, dogs in sunglasses. I’m thinking Aviators would probably suit them better. The photos below show the Mimosa before and after its big prune. Mind you it’s still not speaking to me. I’ve also shown you a photo of the prunings from the Mimosa and the Ficus to show how hard I am working.

🌸 Trimming Pink Trumpet Vine. Pink trumpet is a big favourite here in Spain and you can see it everywhere. However, it is a vigorous grower and if you are not careful it will become unmanageable. You have to be very strict with it and severely cut it back each January. At first you can trim Pink Trumpet with shears or a hedge trimmer, but gradually over a few years it’s main stems will thicken and become almost like tree branches. Then you will need to use a saw or chainsaw. But don’t be afraid, you can be quite ruthless with it and leave just a bare stump of 2ft. If you fail to do this then Pink Trumpet will become so strong and vigorous that it will become a major undertaking.

I grow Pink Trumpet in hedges and as a stand alone wrapped around an old Palm tree trunk. The picture below shows the plant around the tree trunk. Every summer this plant throws out a profusion of lovely pink flowers that makes the tree trunk look like part of a firework display. But if I failed to trim it up each January then it would eventually come into my bedroom one Winter night whilst I was asleep and beat me to death with the tree trunk. The photos below show the Pink Trumpet before and after pruning. Oh, I forgot to mention that at the top of the trunk I have a small solar panel that powers solar lights wrapped around the tree; this is very effective and means you get a day night effect from the plant.

🧟‍♀️ Cruella. Many people have asked me whether Cruella my wife really exists and if she is really as wicked as a I report her to be. Let me be quite frank, no plant is safe anywhere in her vicinity. She is so bad with plants that Interflora delivery vans regularly crash outside our house.

Anyway, here she is. I surprised her in her “counting house” the other day. You sound a bit credulous that she has a counting house, but of course she has a “counting house” all the wicked fairy tale characters have one, and she is no exception. She told me that she was counting the collections from our Church over the Christmas period. But, I don’t know all the collecting tins for our local orphanage were stolen over Christmas and she started laughing when someone told her about it.

I know it’s not the worst premature problem to have, but I just can’t help myself. And yes, I know I should wait till January to start the big chop down, but I’ve got myself over excited and I’ve started. I comfort myself by the fact that I am not in full swing yet, I am more or less just warming up before the main event starts in January. Anyway here are some things I’ve been doing lately; and if I’m doing them you better get on with them as well.

22nd December: Things I have been doing lately.

Planting next year’s garlic. I don’t really grow vegetables as they are very cheap to buy in this part of Spain. However, the one exception is garlic. I grow it just for fun and it is the easiest thing to grow. Each year at this time (just before Christmas) I take cloves of garlic and plant them in the garden. You can use cloves of garlic from the supermarket, but I use cloves from last year’s crop. The first photo below shows some of the sprouting cloves from last year. These have been kept in the fridge for use since they were harvested in May. So if you plant now you will have free garlic for six months.

I plant the garlic under the trees where I have grown Butternut Squash as the soil here has been fed during the summer. Plant the cloves about a fingers depth deep by just sticking your finger in the soil and pop in a clove. It is best to plant in a recognised shape as if you don’t there is every chance you will hoe off the seedlings as weeds. I plant four cloves in a cross shape either side of the tree trunk. I consider it part of my Christian gardening duty. The second photo below shows a little garlic clove just sticking out of the soil – cute eh!

Pruning fig trees. I have two fig trees and a deep and abiding passion for figs; especially when accompanied with goat’s cheese. Anyway I am digressing and drooling. Fig trees don’t need much pruning, all they really need is trimming back to keep the figs within reach, and thinning in the centre to make sure air and light can get in. One of my fig trees I am attempting to espalier up a wall and along wires. It is early days, but as you can see from the photo below, it looks quite promising.

My other tree is bigger but still needs a bit of a Chop back to ensure it stays in shape. The extent of the pruning can be seen from the two photos below. The first one shows the fig in its pre-pruned state, whilst the second shows it pruned. You have to look closely to see where the pruning has taken place. And that’s a good thing. A little prune each year is better then a drastic cutback every 10 years. Spain is full of giant fig trees that have got out of control and the fruit is so high up only the birds can benefit from them whilst us poor humans are left to slip up on fallen over-ripe fruit. So get out there now and prune your fig tree – you know it makes sense.

Daphne’s Dame de Noche and the Solanum. Regular readers of this blog will know that earlier this year I planted a Dame de Noche cutting for my friend Daphne at the same time as planting Solanum cuttings. Subsequently there was a mix up when my wife Cruella and my friend Karl proceeded to kill the Solanum and then compounded their crime by passing off the Dame de Noche as the Solanum (see September 13th posting for the full story). Anyway, although it still rankles I have moved on (counselling was involved).

Putting all that behind us it is now time to move the misplanted Dame de Noche ready for its future transportation to Daphne, whilst at the same time planting the Solanum cutting where it belongs. Mature Dame de Noche can be pruned right back to bare branches, as I showed a few weeks ago. But young plants need to have some leaf left or they may not recover from the shock of pruning. The first photo below shows the newly pruned Dame de Noche, potted up and ready for future transportation to Daphne once it has stabilised in the early Spring.

The second photo shows the newly transplanted Solanum in its new home. I planted this in a mixture of home made compost and store bought with Pearlite mixed in and some soil from the planting hole. I then watered this well and gave it a small trellis to get it going. Once I have seen it is ok, I will fix wires to the wall to grow it up and along. Watch this space; I am thinking of cameras and trip wires to secure it from Cruella and Karl.

Killing Ivy. I dislike Ivy, I know some of you love it and even grow it out of choice. I find it invasive, and once it gets into soil it takes a lot of hard work to get rid of it. Anyway, I’ve got some, I didn’t want it and never asked for it. Despite my best efforts at digging it up (you need to get every bit or it comes back) and spraying it with weed killer (its waxy leaves make it impervious). My new approach is to cut a number of leaves to break their water tight barrier and then paint them individually with undiluted weedkiller. The picture below taken by my son James shows me gamely painting each leaf. It may look like I am thinning on top, but really, it’s just a trick of the light. I will keep you informed of progress – about the ivy not my hair!

Not long now to the big day. To be honest I can’t sleep at night I am so excited and sometimes the anticipation is just too much. I expect you feel the same; all over the world gardeners are wishing the days away in a trembling state of excitement. You thought I meant Christmas didn’t you. Well I am sorry to disappoint you, whilst the birth of Jesus Christ the saviour of the world is the most important thing at this time of year, I meant the second biggest thing – “The Big Winter Chop Down”.  Yes, it will soon be that time when we cut down the summer growth and prune back ready for Spring growth. Yup, the “Big Winter Chop Down” can’t come soon enough. Whilst we gardeners love to plant and grow things, our next best thing is chopping things down, pruning, shredding, mulching and composting. We get to use sharp implements: blades, saws, knives, shears and a large variety of power tools and ladders; what’s not to like.

11th December: Things I have been doing lately

✂️ Cutting back Dame de Noche. Yes I know I am supposed to wait until January to start the big Chop Down, but I got over excited and couldn’t wait. I have so much to do that I have decided to get an early start. Think of it as like unwrapping your presents before Christmas Day. Now Dame de Noche needs to be cut back hard, so don’t be frightened. My plant is quite large and will grow to 2 metres in the summer; see the first photo below. But if you want good flowering and that lovely night scent then you have to act now. Whilst the plant is dormant you can cut it back to about 25cm. This looks brutal and you will be left with a bare branches, but only for a couple of months. Once the sap starts rising in the Spring it will be off again and covered with leaves ready for the lovely summer scents. The second picture below shows my Dame de Noche with it’s new haircut. Looks good eh?

🌳 Pruning back Standards to stop root rock. I must admit this does sound a bit like I am putting myself in moral jeopardy, but it only involved a quick trim of standard bushes. I have two main standards that are either side of a small gate to my swimming pool area. This can get quite windy at this time of year, and you will remember that in my last posting I complained about the high winds. Well they are back so these standards both had to be cut back to a smaller lollipop. If you leave standards then the wind will either knock them over and they will break, or else the wind will rock them and loosen their roots. The photo below shows the newly pruned standards.

🍊 Doing the Persimmon Snip. It will soon be time to prune trees, but I have decided to keep my hand in by pruning a small Persimmon tree that I put in two years ago. This small tree is about 5 foot tall and produced six lovely Persimmons last year. I expect it to produce many more next year, so I just had to remove any overlapping and crossing branches. If you look at the first photo below you will see the tree unpruned. It may look as if it doesn’t need pruning, but all those little crossing over branches will fill with leaf and stop air and light getting to the centre of the tree. The second photo shows the tree lightly pruned. This weeks competition is to find the difference.

🌿 Clearing up leaves. You can wait until all the leaves are off your trees before starting to pick them up. The exceptions to this are if you have leaves on a lawn, these must be cleared up straight away or they can kill the grass. The other exception is if you have leaves falling on gravel. If you leave them there they will eventually form a fine leaf mulch that will sink through the gravel and provide an excellent base for weed growth. The first photo below shows my Fig tree, whilst the second shows my Mulberry tree. Both trees are a rich source of large leaves which I compost in bags till next year. More about this later.

You always think the worst. I am talking about the weather, here in Spain we have exceptionally high winds at the moment and these bring particular problems for us gardeners.

2nd December: Things I have been doing lately

🚑 Rescuing the potting bench. Luckily this time of year there are not too many plants on the potting bench. But those that where there were duly buffeted and bashed around. It is important that you do not put cuttings too close to the edge of the potting bench when high winds are expected. Most new plants can survive falling over, but they cannot survive falling off a potting bench and being left cold all night. The photo below is what I term “potting bench carnage”.

🏋️‍♂️ Picking up large potted plants. If you have large plants in pots, no matter how heavy they are, a strong wind can push them over. The photo below shows a substantial potted Yucca that was blown over during the night. This should be fine as Yuccas are very sturdy, it should just need picking up. However, be careful to check that the plant hasn’t become loose in the soil. ‘Root rock” as it is known can kill what look like healthy plants, this is when the plants roots become loosened and are no longer fully in touch with the soil. This can be exacerbated by days of high winds, which both desiccate the plants leaves and then deny sustenance from the loose roots. Check all large potted plants are still well planted, also check small trees and roses as they can also suffer.

✂️ Prune your Standards. This could apply to a few Members of Parliament. But in this case we are talking plants. If you have standards like the plant in the photo below, then it is time to severely trim the “lollipop” top. When I went out to inspect the damage today, this plant was rocking and being bent precariously. I will trim it up tomorrow to ensure it doesn’t suffer any damage. Also check any trellised plants as they may have become loose or the trellis may be moving, which in turn will damage the plant.

⛱ Shelter cuttings and seedlings. If you have any cuttings or seedlings going at the moment then make sure you shelter them from high winds. If they fall over they have no real root stock to help them recover. The photo shows some cuttings I have been bringing on; especially the precious Solanum that my wife Cruella and friend Karl have tried to murder on so many occasions. The poor little darlings are sheltering from the storm and those with cruel intentions.

👼 Decorating the Church garden. Lastly some good news. Every year we decorate our Church garden with a Nativity Trail and a Nativity Scene (Belen here in Spain). This year our junior Church which consists of Lolita and Halley, two lovely little girls, enhanced our efforts by producing a scarecrow Angel. The photo below shows our first scarecrow angel, we may have scarecrow shepherds next year!

Right that’s it there is no time to mess around, it is time to get amongst those plants and trees and get pruning. I have pruned and cut so much lately that I am now officially known as the Sweeney Todd of Campoverde. Cruella my wife calls me the Demon Gardener; but that is only when she is being kind.

23rd November: Things I have been doing lately.

🍇 Pruning grapevines. In our climate the beginning of winter is the time to prune grapevines. By now all the leaves should be in a shrivelled state and will have already started to fall off. Because grapevines start to regrow in very early spring, if you leave it much later you will be cutting off new growth and they will weep sap and may be liable to infections

I have three grapevines, one is quite big and is on wires at the front of the house, whilst the two others are growing along balustrade by the swimming pool. Cruella and my friend Karl attempted to kill all my vines this summer in the worst case of plant cruelty seen by the RHS. Both are slated to appear before the International Court for the Prevention of Cruelty to Plants; I will let you know what happens, but it will probably be on television. The photos below show my grapevines in their unpruned state. Click on each photo for a larger view.

The aim when pruning grapevines is to end up with one or two main stems. You need to cut all last year’s growth off each stem leaving just two potential buds. If you get scared leave three; I do sometimes. Once you have trimmed the stems up and cut them back, then you need to tie them into the wires. It is important that you tie them in, or the wind will thrash the stem around and bash your two little buds to death. The photos below show the grapevines in their new neatly trimmed state. Click on each photo for a larger view.

🍈 Pruning an olive tree. I only have one olive tree and it is about 5 years old. This basically means that it is old enough for its first big prune. Now, I was just going to trim it up to keep it fruiting as I have enjoyed processing the olives and then storing them in jars for future use. When I mentioned this to Cruella, she called me an idiot and reminded me that we still had jars of olives from years ago. To be honest I could corner the market in antique olives; if there were such a thing. I am thinking of opening and EBay shop!

Anyway, the outcome of the great olive debate was that I decided to go for a radical topiary type prune. If you are going to radically prune any tree it is important that you study the tree shape over a number of days and think about how it might look when completed. The olive tree and I have been warily watching each other for days. Like boxers circling in the ring we have been weighing each other up and making feints towards each other. Occasionally as I passed I would stick my head under the canopy to check out the branch structure (I cannot think of an appropriate methaphor for this that doesn’t sound rude). The photo below shows the unpruned olive tree ready for the battle.

Well, the outcome is that we finally went at it today. It wasn’t easy, there was no quarter given and none asked for. We both new this was a fight that could only end one way. I was armed with secateurs, long armed lopers and a pruning saw. The olive tree had five years of pent up wrath and energy, slashing branches, and knotted areas that made the saw bounce and get blunt. I lost blood and the tree lost branches. At the end we both stood panting, leaning against each other and covered in tree debris. The photo below shows the final pruned version. I will admit it will take time to look it’s best; Cruella cried when she saw it, but only because that is where she normally buries kittens and little rabbits.

✂️ Pruning Canna. You will remember that early this summer I removed two large Pampas grasses and replaced them with lovely Cannas. Well the Cannas have been a great success, they have grown quickly to be large ornamental statement plants. Whilst they are not quite finished flowering yet, they start to suffer from browning leaves at this time of the year. This is perfectly normal and is part of the process whereby the plant returns all its goodness to the underground rhizomes. I will eventually cut the top growth down in January (I think, but I will see how they turn out). But in the meantime you need to cut out all the dead brown leaves so that the plant does not become unsightly. The photo below shows one of the newly tidied Cannas. It wouldn’t let me do anything at first, I think it had seen the olive tree and was scared!

🕷 Replanting Spiderwort. Those of you who follow this blog avidly will no doubt have followed the great Spiderwort Experiment of a few Posts ago. At that time I was experimenting with taking and growing cuttings from Spiderwort (Tradescantia). Anyway, at the risk of boring you I have suffered another Spiderwort event. Something has been eating one of my Spiderwort and making it look very moth eaten see first photo below.

After close inspection all I could find was the bright green caterpillar shown in the first photo below. However, and perhaps coincidentally, lurking nearby was the much larger ferocious looking caterpillar, second photo below. After a swift trial where I was both judge and jury, I found the green caterpillar guilty and he duly suffered the ultimate penalty. The big ferocious looking one was found not guilty; mainly on the basis that he intimidated the jury. Nevertheless he was banished by being launched into the farthest reaches of the wild part of our garden. What do you mean you didn’t know we had a wild part to our garden. Right then I shall dedicate a future Post to this exciting topic.

The final photo below shows the replanted Spiderwort. I had to use cuttings from other plants as the original was too far gone. I also removed the top 20cm of soil from the pot and renewed it with fresh compost, just in case something was lurking in the soil.

I am a fan of the works of Lewis Carroll, and have been since I was a small boy. What I like about the “Alice” books is their topsy turveyness, things happen when they are not supposed to happen. And so it is with weeds here in Spain. In the normal organised world weeds grow in Summer and die in Winter; but not here in Spain, weeds grow in Winter and die in Summer. The end result of all this is that it is time to get weeding.

15th November: Things I have been doing lately.

Weeding borders with bulbs: The secret to successful border weeding is “hoe, hoe, hoe”, that’s my seasonal joke. But it’s true, if you hoe beds at least once a week with a sharp hoe then they will remain weed free. However, there is one exception, and that is where you have bulbs planted. When they first emerge, most bulbs look exactly like a blade of grass. If you happily continue to hoe, you will successfully behead all your bulbs (see the Queen of Hearts – Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland). It is important that you mark where you have placed bulbs so that you remember year to year where they are. I mark where I have planted bulbs with white stones (see Lewis Carroll diaries) – great literature and gardening, I hope I am not casting pearls before swine here.

The photo below shows an area of border where bulbs are planted, but as you can see it is difficult to tell which is the bulb stem and which is weed grass. You can’t hoe because you would kill friend and foe; what to do.

What you need to do, is what you should always do in life when you have problems – get on your knees. Not just for praying – though that is important – but to weed by hand. And I mean weed by hand, no gloves and no trowel, just good old fingers. Get your hands in amongst the grass and the bulbs, and by feeling the stems you will be able to differentiate between each. The grass will have thin flat blades which bend easily, whilst the bulb growth will be slightly rounded and more unyielding. Using your fingers get amongst them and tease out the grass, don’t try and get roots out, just pull out the top growth. You will have to do this weekly, to keep the grass in check, but after a few weeks the bulbs will out compete the grass for light and they will win the race for space and you can stop. The photo below shows the bulbs newly released from their weed hell. I explained to my wife Cruella that it is a bit like a hostage situation with me as the negotiator, she just rolled her eyes and called me an idiot. Personally I think I am the Jack Reacher of gardening; but not the Tom Cruise version, the bigger one you see in your imagination.

Weeding rose beds: Now weeding rose beds is my least favourite type of weeding (everyone has their favourite don’t they – oh well, just me then). The predicament I face is that my main rose beds are only 2/3years old, and therefore still quite close to the ground, see the photo below. This means that weeds get underneath them and get especially close to the stems. To get at the weeds normally involves a bloodbath, where I lose pints of blood trying to get the weeds out from under the stems. The rose thorns shred my hands and arms as I try valiantly to save them from weeds. As I take a daily aspirin, I then bleed profusely and end up changing the colour of the roses with my blood; a bit like the gardeners in Alice’s Adventures In wonderland – I bet you didn’t see that coming eh!

My new solution, which involves slightly less blood loss is to paint neat weed killer directly onto the weeds with a small brush. I did try and use an empty roller deodorant filled with weed killer (which I planned to patent) but the bloody thing didn’t work, it just wouldn’t roll. Anyway, the photo below shows me applying the weed killer. Cruella took the photograph, she kept telling me I had a stupid look on my face and that I should look down, but she was just trying to let everyone know my hair is thinning.

Unfortunately the above statement, if said to a female researcher in a lift in the House of Commons, and in the current climate, could have ruined my Parliamentary career; but as gardeners you know I am talking irrigation – what else! Anyway we are well into Autumn and you should be both capturing water and adjusting your irrigation systems. So following our big “compost special” of a few weeks ago; we now have the excitement of an irrigation special issue – what fun!

13th November: Things I have been doing lately

💧 Capturing rain water. Here in Spain water is a precious commodity for us gardeners. So when it rains we need to capture as much rain water as possible. In the past, at the first sign of rain, I have been known to run around the garden frantically opening the compost bin lids and filling trugs with water. But those days are gone, I now have NASA level “state of the art” water capture facilities, I am even thinking of selling water back to the government.

If you’re not capturing rain water at the moment, then the basics are simple. Get guttering fitted to the roof of your house and then capture water in rain butts as it comes off the roof. This need not be expensive, you can even use a dustbin bought from the China shop and then drill a hole and attach a tap. Remember all that water is free and you will need it during the summer so the expense of the guttering etc will eventually pay for itself.

The first photo below shows one of my two large “Ali Baba” type water butts that are attached to the house roof guttering down pipe. Each water butt holds 500 litres of water and I drain them off into boxes as I need the water, this allows me to use them as dipping troughs for watering cans.

The second photo below shows my large 1,000 litre water tank. These are very commonly used in agriculture in Spain to hold all sorts of fertilisers and chemicals. They can be bought for about €50. Though if you do buy them and they have been pre-used, make sure you flush them out thoroughly with water. In my case, the water tank is below the level of a large tiled pool area. When it rains the tiled area around the pool provides a huge quantity of water which is then channeled by a large pipe into the water tank. Note the dust bins beside the water tank. I siphon off the overflow water from the tank into a series of linked dustbins which I then use as dipping troughs for watering cans. I can often be found out there during thunderstorms cackling like Professor Frankenstein shouting “it’s alive” as I adjust the various valves to move water around.

⏲ Adjust your irrigation. It is now time to adjust your irrigation systems for winter. We have been having nice weather lately, and the strong winds in the last few days mean that plants will dry out quickly, but even so, you need to adjust things now or you are in danger of rotting plants. When the weather is cold enough to stop growth, overwatering will mean that plants will sit in water as they do not need to draw it up. This means their roots will rot and turn to mush; by the time you notice this it will be too late. For lawns I would recommend 10 minutes every 3 days. For orchards I would recommend 15 minutes every 5/7 days. And, for plant beds 5 minutes every 3 days. If it rains heavily turn off your irrigation system for about 3 days.

In total I have 11 metred watering timing points around my garden. All of them need to be adjusted and reconfigured for the changing season. Most importantly they need to have their batteries changed on an annual cycle (sometimes less than annually). You must make sure that you diarise this; if you fail to change the batteries, one of two things will happen depending on the type of timer. Some types will just open up and water night and day for ever; and if you are away this can be expensive. Others will just stop watering and the first you will notice is when all your plants start dying.

The photo below shows one of my many complicated irrigation points. It is a real Heath Robinson contraption but such fun to mess around with. It drives my wife Cruella mad I spent a whole day this week just adjusting all the timers for Winter. She locked me out, but I have built a tunnel back into the house under the compost bins, she only discovered I was back in from the smell!

Regular followers of this blog will know that I went back to England for a week to visit our son and daughter, tidy up our English garden, and see the mighty Tottenham Hotspur – the football team I support – beat Real Madrid. But forget all that, the big news is that whilst I was away I left my wife Cruella in charge of a few precious cuttings. Normally this is the equivalent of leaving a fox to babysit your chickens; the end result is normally death. But in this case they survived and look reasonably healthy; mind you I haven’t seen the cat and Cruella does have new fur gloves.

7th November: Things I have been doing lately

🌱 Creating more Yuccas. You can never have too many Yuccas. These versatile canes are easy to grow from pruned cuttings and provide you with some lovely greenery without the need for constant watering; what’s not to like. OK they can poke you in the eye if your not careful, but that’s your fault – health and safety gone mad. Anyway, I have lots of Yuccas of various sizes, and I love their flower spikes. But once they get too high, you end up with a flower spike that can only be appreciated by passing aeroplanes, or my friend David’s drone. It is at this point that you need to cut them back and then use the cuttings to propagate more. The picture below shows a Yucca that I have chosen to cut back, from this you can see that the plant is about 3.5 metres high which means the flower spike is more or less invisible from the ground.

When you prune a Yucca you should be thinking of reshaping the plant and where you want new growth. New spikes will grow from around the edge of your pruning cut, and will in effect become branches of the Yucca. Once you have cut the plant back, each of the pruned stems has the potential to become a completely new plant. If you want to plant these then firstly you need to trim back any brown dead leaves on the stem, then trim back the green leaves until only a few are left at the top. The easiest way to do this is to put on your gardening gloves (Yucca leaves are very sharp) and holding the stem in one hand, pull the leaves down sharply with the other. Do this all around the stem until you have the required growth left. See the first picture below. If you have not decided where to plant your cuttings, you can leave them for up to a week in a trug filled with water. See second picture below.

I decided to plant my cuttings in pots in a terrace at the back of my house which I have only just noticed looks a bit bare. I have decided to enliven this terrace in a number of ways as it is North facing and can look a bit dull. The picture below shows the Yuccas in their new home.

Oh by the way the cats back, the picture below shows her drinking thirstily out of a water feature. Cruella denies everything, but I think we are looking at a potential kidnap situation here. I suspect, but can’t prove it yet, that the cat has been kept captive as a means of putting psychological pressure on me. Cruella wants a new kitchen and I did receive a weird telephone call from someone demanding a new kitchen or the cat “gets it” I think that explains everything.

I am in England at the moment tending to our English garden, but due to the wonders of technology I can regale you with my activities in Spain. Because I have been so busy with the garden and other things I just haven’t had time to post any material on this site. I know you will be disappointed and thousands of you are currently standing in your gardens holding your trowel with vacant looks on your faces and waiting for my next instruction, but fear not here we go.

1st November: Things I have been doing lately

 😀 Planting bulbs. This is the time for planting bulbs in Spain. A lot of the heat will have gone from the soil and there will be a bit of rain around to help them on their way. I have decided to plant some flag irises that I saved from this year, and to place them in a bald corner of my lawn. The most natural way to plant bulbs is to scatter them and let them fall where they will. The temptation is to start to rearrange them because you don’t like where they have fallen, but this is a mistake and the plants when they grow will look too “staged”.

I did think I would make things easier for myself by using a bulb planter. But save your money, they just bend, especially if you are planting on hardish soil or in my case lawn. Just use your trowel, you don’t need to dig a hole, force your trowel into the soil then push hard one way to open up a gap in the soil and pop yourbulb in at the appropriate depth.

The photos below show my trug of bulbs that I cleaned and stored from last year, the bare corner of the lawn, and my scattered bulbs ready to be planted – but not by the useless bulb planter. Just click on each photo for a larger image.

🌿 Replanting seedlings. As we go into Autumn all of the plants in your border will have set seedlings by now. If you haven’t already taken cuttings or seeds, then this is your last chance to get plants for free. My favourite for this is Margeurites. This daisy which is ubiquitous in Spain has a long flowering season and loves full sun. Not only that you can cut them back after flowering and off they go again.

Now the problem with self set seedlings is that they are clustered around where the mother plant was, and not necessarily where you want them. This means you have to transplant them to where you wish them to be. To be successful in this endeavour there are a few rules:

– Prepare the soil where you intend to plant the seedlings by weeding, feeding and watering.

– Only transplant seedlings either early in the morning, late afternoon or on overcast days. Never attempt to do this in full sun as they will wither before their little roots start working.

– Wait till the seedlings are 7-10cm high before attempting to transplant. If they are too small there rootsystem will not be well enough developed.

The first photo below shows the seedlings where their mummy left them, and where I don’t want them. The second photo shows them transplanted where they will be happy. The canes crossed over the seedlings are to stop rampaging Labradors.

🕷 The answer to the Spiderwort Question. Keen followers of this blog will know that a while ago I engaged in cutting edge scientific experimentation, the results of which are being eagerly awaited by the scientific and gardening communities. The aim of the experiment was to decide what was the best process for propagating Trascedentia (Spiderwort). Was it by taking cuttings and planting them in pots? Was it by planting directly into the soil? Or was it by placing cuttings in a glass of water.

Well, (drum roll) the wait is over. My findings are as follows:

– the cuttings in pots grew the fastest and put on more leaf, but they were planted in compost.

– the cuttings in the soil all survived and are slowly growing.

– the cuttings in a glass of water quickly grew a profusion of spidery fine roots and where easily replanted in pots with just a quick dibber to make a hole.

In effect each method was successful. But my recommendation would be the method to be used should depend on where you intend to place the final plants. If you intend to plant in the soil and your soil is prepared then plant straight out directly. Again if you intend to plant directly in the soil, but you want to make sure of success, then plant first in pots before replanting in the soil. If however you just want to add some bulk to plants that are already in a pot, but which are getting a bit sparse, then you can’t beat the glass of water, it is quick and relatively easy. Make sure you use rainwater and change every week if possible.

I am exhausted after all that experimentation and my white coat needs laundering. My next experiment was going to be the “chicken and the egg”, but my wife won’t let me have a chicken.

The pictures below show the final outcomes of the experiment. Just click on each one for a larger image.

After all the excitement about the Church garden award in my last post, it is back to the everyday gardening stuff you should be doing this time of year.

22nd October: Things I have been doing lately

I lied about this post not being exciting as I am declaring it a “COMPOST SPECIAL”. My wife Cruella just rolled her eyes and left the room muttering about divorce lawyers; she has no soul. Anyway the compost bins are decorated with balloons lets get this party started.

🌿 Starting a compost heap: Anyone who takes gardening seriously should have a compost bin (or two). You don’t need anything grand, mine are purpose built, but you can just make a heap in a corner somewhere out of the way in your garden and cover it with an old carpet. I’ve told you before, but I’m going to tell you again, you need four things for good compost:

1. Green stuff (nitrogen): vegetables from the kitchen, garden cuttings, grass etc. Nothing cooked and no oil or fat, otherwise you will attract rats.

2. Brown stuff (carbon): twigs, egg cartons, newspapers, boxes and cartons (not greaseproofed ones), egg shells. Not leaves (I will explain why later)

3. Water: you need to keep your compost moist but not wet. Too wet and the compost can become slimy and smelly (coincidentally the name of the two people I sat next to at school).

4. Air: I know this sounds obvious but you need to occasionally stir or turn your copmpost to let air in. Once a month should do it.

Once you have your compost heap going, try to add things in alternate layers; nitrogen then carbon. You can also add an accelerator which is a powder you sprinkle over the heap to aid the composting process.

🗑 Emptying your compost bin: Depending on how your compost has developed it usually takes 6-9 months to get good compost, but that depends on lots of variables. Once you have a bin or a heap full leave it for this amount of time, turning occasionally. At the end of this period the magic will have happened; all that garden waste and rubbish will have turned into lovely rich, dark, and beautifully smelling compost ready for you to use in your garden or for potting. The first photo below shows the compost bin that I am emptying. The second photo shows a barrowload of lovely compost; I don’t like to boast, but each of my compost bins will give round about 20 barrowloads of compost.

🌱 Using leaves in compost: I told you I would get round to leaves eventually, I was just trying to keep the tension building before the Maggots. Anyway, you can’t compost leaves in the normal way, don’t ask me why it is just the way God made it. Leaves require an anerobic process, where as normal composting is aerobic. At its simplest it’s all about air. To compost leaves, gather them when they are dry, stuff them into black sacks, lightly tie the top and then slash holes in the sides. Leave the sacks somewhere out of the way for about a year, then you can use the resulting leaf mold. I leave the sacks for about nine months then I add the part composted leaves to the top of a full compost bin that I am just about to leave for 6 months. The photo below shows a full compost bin with 9 month old leaves added.

🐛Finally, as it is a Compost Special, and it’s Halloween, here come the maggots: Every year when I empty my compost bins I discover giant maggots lurking in the compost; there are hundreds of them. These are curious creatures, when you pick them up they instantly ooze blood from their head, it is quite disconcerting. Unfortunately, they cannot be left in the compost as they will destroy plants in the garden. I have tried leaving them out for the birds, but the birds are too scared to touch them. The only answer is to drown them, but after a day I recycle them back into the compost. The photo below shows a few of the giant blood oozing maggots. What a finale to this Compost Special, such fun. As they used to say on Crimewatch,  before the BBC axed it “sleep tight, don’t have nightmares”

I haven’t posted much lately, not because I haven’t been gardening – oh no, there has been lots of gardening of which I will post more later. However, something much more exciting has been taking place. I have been preparing for the Church of England’s Garden Oscars. What do you mean you haven’t heard of them, you must have “Green Church Awards 2017”. It is a really big event in worldwide Anglican Church circles.

Anyway, straight to the exciting stuff. Our little Church garden here in our village of Pinar de Campoverde had been nominated for the Green Church Awards. Now if you were cynical you may say so what! But that would be to misunderstand what we are talking about here. Our garden was created from a parcel of wasteland beside our Church, it was a derelict eyesore, unloved and uncared for by anyone. That is until our super congregation all 20 of us got stuck in. The garden was designed by a well known gardening blogger (alright it was me, now you ask), but that was the easy part, the hard part was raising the funds, getting the plants and then making the garden. The pictures below show me starting to layout the garden at the start of the project.

Everyone at the Church got stuck in, we started a plant donation and sponsor a plant scheme, we held fundraisers to pay for the hard landscaping, and then most importantly we enthused the whole village so that lots of people come along with their garden tools and wheelbarrows etc to help create the garden. The photos below show us developing the garden and then some of the team at the end of a long day. The final photo shows the garden in all its award winning glory.

Anyway, the end result was that myself and Cruella (my wife who is notorious for plant destruction in this blog) went to Lambeth Palace to the awards ceremony as representatives of our Church. Bear in mind our little Church in Spain was shortlisted from 117 entrants worldwide; and that everyone we were up against had full time workers and most had Lottery funding. Anyway after a week of practising our disappointed Oscar face, and Cruella debating whether when she was asked “who she was wearing” would Primark be a good answer, we turned up at Lambeth Palace.

The outcome was that we were awarded a “highly commended” certificate; for us gardeners that is the equivalent of a “silver gilt” at the Chelsea Flower Show. Disappointing but still very acceptable. Especially when the Church who won had three full time workers and National Lottery funding. We were very proud to accept our certificate from the Bishop of Salisbury on behalf of everyone in our village.

The award ceremony was given added tension and spice when Cruella (ever the attention seeker) suddenly announced that in solidarity with all the other women she too had been propositioned by Albert Einstein at an audition. When it was pointed out that the father of Physics had nothing to do with show business she changed her story and claimed it was Leonard Bernstein. It was further pointed out to her that the famous Conductor was now over 70. Eventually she claimed it was actually Arnold Weinstein and she met him when he was playing the part of the “Terminator”.

The photos below show me and Cruella at the ceremony and with the Bishop of Salisbury. We both brush up rather well I think, but the Bishop looks as if he is about to go to sleep, it must have been my gardening stories.

Morrisey and the Smiths May have sung “girlfriend in a coma”, but can they say they have suffered the trauma of a Hibiscus in a coma for two years. Yup, that’s what we are talking about here, real drama, real life, gardening on the edge, the sort of thing that makes you wake up at night in a cold sweat thinking it’s all been a dream only for you to sink back realising the nightmare goes on. Oh I tried everything, I sat by the bed and played her favourite music, I talked to her as if everything was normal and she was still part of the garden community. I even had Alan Titchmarsh send her a recorded “get well” message. Well, no longer, the torture is over, today I turned off the machine and let her go peacefully.

8th October: Things I have been doing lately.

🚑 Saying goodbye to a Hibiscus. In the immortal words of Michael Caine, not a lot of people know this, but Hibiscus have a habit of falling into a coma. They just stop growing, shed all their leaves, and to all intent and purposes look dead. Now I have quite a few old Hibiscus bushes that form a hedge along the wall at the front of our garden. They must be 20/30 years old but most are in good health. However, three years ago one went into a coma, and after researching this – and the fact that they can just come out of it – I just left it alone. Sure enough after a year or so it started thriving and flowering again. This miracle I put down to fervent praying, but it seems that divine intervention isn’t always needed, it is just one of those things, when Hibiscus are old sometimes they just need a rest – a bit like me really.

When the latest one went into a coma I was calm about the whole thing, but after a year I started to panic and went into recovery mode, hence all the special coma care described above. But all to no avail. Now if your Hibiscus goes into a coma, and I hope it doesn’t – I wouldn’t like to wish that worry on to anyone. But let’s just say it does. If it is a young plant only a couple of years old and under50cm high, then let it go and start again. However, if like me your plant is big and will take you 20 years to get one the same size then try the following:

– feed it with a high Potash feed

– water thoroughly then mulch around the base

– after three months scrape the bark of the branch with your fingernail and check whether it is green underneath

As long as there is green under the bark then there is hope. You can leave it for up to 2 years to see if it recovers. But, sadly once you start to find brown consistently, then it is all over and you have to say goodbye. Now in my case with this particular plant we were doing well; although it was in a coma, it was really just “locked in syndrome”. When I explained that to my wife Cruella, her retort was “it’s only a plant you idiot get rid of it”,  mind you she does drown kittens for fun. The picture below shows my poor dead Hibiscus.

Anyway the moral of this tale is that all is not lost, even with a dead Hibiscus life can go on. The strong branch framework of your late Hibiscus will provide you with a useful support framework for growing climbers up and thereby retaining the integrity of your hedge without the necessity of trying to dig out the substantial root ball of the Hibiscus. The picture below shows another old dead Hibiscus that I have used as a growing framework for Pink Trumpet Vine, Plumbago and even Pomegranates. Now that looks much better than a big gap with a small plant stuck in the middle waiting years for it to grow the same size as surrounding plants.

✂️ Taking Jasmine cuttings to grow up the Hibiscus. My plan is to take cuttings from some fast growing Jasmine and then to grow these up the Hibiscus. This will give me rapid evergreen cover that will close the gap in the hedge whilst at the same time giving me lovely flowers and scent – what’s not to like.

Anyway, I’ve said before, and I am sure you were listening, never take cuttings from tendril plants like Jasmine by using secateurs as you will only crush the stems. Use a sharp knife to cut a long stem that has no flowers or buds showing. Cut just below a leaf node and take a number of cuttings. As you cut each stem place it into a plastic bag to keep it moist and away from the wind. Once back at your potting bench (or wherever), cut the stem higher up to give a nice fresh cut, but leave enough stem to plant. Take off all the leaves up the stem apart from 2/4 at thetop. If you have it use hormone growth powder (but don’t worry if you don’t). Place the cuttings around the edge of a four inch pot – four to each pot. Keep it moist but not soaking. If it works, great if not just keep popping cuttings in there, they will take eventually. When this is ready I will plant the whole pot under the dead Hibiscus. The photos below show the cuttings being prepared and in their pot.

This post was going to be full of Zen like calm as we ran through the things that need tidying up as we end summer. That was before I discovered this tiny white fly and the bugger is eating my Ficus (weeping fig). I had to resort to international detective work to find out what it is, and it turns out if I’ve got it, then it is coming to bush near you very soon.

We will deal with the Zen stuff at the end of this post, but let’s get on with this fly emergency; I wish I had a pole to slide down, or at least a siren.

27th September, Things I have been doing lately:

🥊 Dealing with the fig whitefly: Yup that is what it is. After searching through the internet and talking to gardeners in the US, I have identified it as the fig whitefly (Singhiella simplex) which comes from the Order Hemiptera which also includes Aphids. Evidently it is relatively new to the US where it is destroying weeping figs just for fun and leaving large parts of Florida gardens completely bereft of their ficus hedges.

I discovered the little blighter purely by chance. I have two Ficus weeping figs, one is a smallish bush and the other is more tree like. Anyway, the small one started shedding its leaves quite dramatically and at first I thought it was an irrigation problem; but as they don’t need much water I was perplexed. Then I thought it might have been accidently hit by some wind borne weed killer as I had been spraying gravel near it. To help it recover from what I thought was weedkiller I was just applying a watering can full of feed and pushing back the leaves to get to the roots I was suddenly engulfed in a cloud of very small flies. It was only then that I twigged (plant pun) what was wrong. The clever little sod hides on variegated weeping figs, but because of its colour it sticks to the white part so you can never see it.

The fig whitefly has up to three egg laying periods in a season and the immature stage sits under the leaves not moving and sucking the life out of the leaves. Although there are some natural predators, not enough to deal with its astounding birth rate, so if you want to stop it you have to spray or drench the roots. If you want my advice go out and shake your Ficus now and I bet the little blighters are there – this could be a new dance craze, called doing the Ficus shake. See the picture below of my poor Ficus, you have been warned.

🍇 Trim back grape vines. Although it is not time for the big grape vine cut back, you can make the plant healthier by cutting back any lower sucker type growth close    to the ground. This has the benefit of not only making the plant look tidier, but also it ensures that its energy is going into the vines that will fruit next year. The first picture below shows one of our small vines that needed tidying, the second picture shows it showing off its legs like some hussy.

🌳 Trim suckers off the trunk of Californian false peppers. The False pepper is a lovely tree and we have lots of them in my area of Spain. But I have mentioned in previous posts that to keep it tidy you need to do a big cutback every 2 or three years and take off more or less all the branches and just leave the trunk. This then encourages the weeping willow effect that is so lovely. The drawback in this is that once you cut off the branches, then twice a year you need to cut off the suckers that swarm from the trunk. This is very easy as they are soft and pliable and can easily be removed quickly by a hedge trimmer. The first picture below shows the tree before trimming whilst the second shows it with what looks like designer stubble.

🍊 Trim suckers off the trunk of citrus trees. Talking of suckers, you should never give them an even break; I have used this rather lame joke in previous posts, but I believe in recycling. Anyway, at this time of year your orange and lemon trees will start to sucker like crazy. You will see bright green little shoots starting out all over the trunk of your trees. You need to take these off as they will take away the energy that you need to get your fruit ripe. Wearing gardening gloves, just pull the sucker down against the trunk and it will come away in your hand. If you have left it there too long and it has gone a darker green, then you will need to use secateurs to remove it. The picture below shows me in action removing a sucker.

👃 How is your Dame de Noche. If you have followed my advice in previous posts about when to prune your plant for best flowering; and I am sure you have, then you should have a magnificent flush of flowers that scent late summer barbecues. If you didn’t follow my advice then you are currently looking at a very uninspiring green lump of bush, and it’s your own fault. See the picture below of my Dame de Noche in late flower’ I am encouraging “petal envy”.

I have always been an admirer of mad scientists, the likes of Dr Frankenstein, Dr Moreau, Dr Emmet Brown and of course Dr Sheldon Cooper are all long time heroes of mine. It’s the idea of experimenting that I like, not the mad bit. But anyway, the whole point of this is that I decided to conduct my own experiment with plants. I have started with Spiderwort because that sounds the sort of name mad science experiments would have. It’s right up there with “Quaitermass and the pit” or “the Andromeda Project”. ‘The Spiderwort Question” is my chosen title, pretty cool eh!

24th September: Things I have been doing lately.

🕷 The Spiderwort Question. I might have bigged this up too much, for as most of you know Spiderwort or Trascedentia is a lovely Naya or terrace plant that is quite common here in Spain and in other warm climes, see the first picture below. Spiderwort can be grown in pots or can act as ground cover. It needs partial shade otherwise it will not thrive and will also lose the distinctive stripe on its leaves. The main problem I have found with Spiderwort over the years is that it can sometimes die back in the winter to such an extent that you can lose it. Therefore my strategy to date has been to take cuttings so that I am ready with replacements.

Now for the experimental bit; this year I am going to try three different ways of growing these cuttings on. I have bought a white coat from Amazon and I did try to get a stethoscope but my wife found out and stopped me. The white coat looks very fetching by the way and it appears that gardening’s great gain was a sad loss to mad scientistry. Anyway, back to the experiment. To take cuttings from Spiderwort you need a very sharp knife (secateurs will crush the stem); cut just below a side shoot on a long trailing stem. Then peel off all the leaves apart from a couple at the top, you are then ready to plant your cutting, see picture two below.

I know the excitements building, but here is my new three step trial that will eventually answer “The Spiderwort Question” – I am thinking of commissioning special music to go with me saying that. The first lot of cuttings I have planted as normal with four around the side of a 4 inch pot, see picture three below. The second ones I have just popped into a glass of rainwater that I have placed on a windowsill on my Naya, see picture four below. The third ones I have layered into little slits in the soil about 1 inch deep with the stem lying along the slit and the leaves coming out of the soil, see picture five below.

I shall be reporting back on progress in a few weeks; I will probably announce the results here, but it depends I may be called to the UN to report direct, we shall see, either way I will be wearing my white coat.

🍋 Watching fruit ripen: this time of year you have to keep an eye on any fruit that is on your trees to make sure you pick it at its optimum. You also have to make sure that nets etc are in place to ensure that birds don’t enjoy your fruit before you do.     At the moment I am watching Persimmon (kaka in Spain) and Pomegranates.

Persimmon will be ripe when it is fully bright yellow and slightly squashy to the feel. The colour of the fruit triggers the birds interest, so you have to net and go round every morning to squeeze the fruit for ripeness. See first picture below.

Pomagranates, of which I have a few (this lost verse to “My Way” never made it to the final Sinatra version). People some times think that as Pomegranates have such a tough skin there is no need to net them, but this is wrong, certain birds can soon strip a Pomegranate crop. As I only have a few, and they are well hidden in a hedge, I have not netted them. However, if I had a big tree with a good crop, I would definitely net. Anyway, to tell if Pomegranates are ripe they need to be going a lovely deep red russet colour and when you ping them with your finger they should give off a slightly metallic sound. See second photo below.

It is all very exciting round here at the moment, just as summer is winding down so we enter the season of “mists and mellow fruitfulness” as our old friend John Keats said; classic poetry and gardening – what’s not to like. Anyway, there is lots to be getting on with in the garden, not least harvesting fruit and taking late cuttings etc.

22nd September: Things I have been doing lately.

👶 Harvesting Sago Palm pups. As everyone knows Sago Palms are very expensive, but not if you can get them for free. Yup, all you have to do is watch out for when your Sago Palm starts to “pup”. The pup is a small mini Sago Palm that appears at the base of the plant, I don’t think daddy Palms are involved – at least I hope not, this is a wholesome family blog with a Christian message. Anyway, when this mini pup appears at the base of the plant – see first picture below – just dig around it carefully to expose what looks like a small coconut attached to the main trunk by a hard woody structure. Then taking a sharp spade cut down as close to the pup as you can. This takes a fair bit of force, but if you persevere you will succeed in loosening the pup from its mum. You will then have what looks like a mangled coconut with fronds sticking out the top, see second photo.

Cut off the fronds to leave you with a woody coconut with a scar on one side where you cut it from the Palm. Clean this up with a hard brush being careful not to do any more damage to the scarred area. You then need to leave the pup in a dry cool area out of the sun, for about two weeks till the scar heals over, see third photo. This stage is important so don’t be tempted to just plant the pup, as infection will get in, the pup will die, and I will phone the Spanish RSPCA equivalent and they will prosecute you.

After two weeks plant the pup in a tight fit pot, in a mixture of sand and compost. This needs to be free draining so 25% sand to 75% compost should be about right. I have made the mistake of making the mix 50/50 before with subsequent disaster. Water this lightly and keep it dry to the touch, too wet and it will rot. Keep an eye on it and hopefully in about six weeks you should see fronds growing from the top. See photo four for a happy pup in his bed.

I really wanted to concentrate in this Post on finishing off the lawn chores and in general tidying up around the garden, but events have overtaken me. I have to conclude today’s post with a tale of betrayal and cuckoldry (look it up).

13th September: Things I have been doing lately

🌿 Clearing leaves and debris off stones and lawns. As this summer has been exceptionally hot we have seen lots of trees dropping copious amounts of leaves. You already know that if the drop on lawns you must clean them up before they kill off the grass. But it is just as important to clean up if you have laid gravel. The danger with gravel is that if you do not clean up leaves and debris then it will eventually mulch down between your gravel and provide an excellent leaf humus for weeds and unwanted tree seedlings. If you look carefully at the first photo below you will see a gravelled area of our garden which has accumulated leaves. This needs to be cleared up whilst the leaves are still whole and before they break down into leaf humus.

The best thing to do with this is wait for a very dry day when there is no strong winds, then using a leaf blower or leaf rake if you are a technophobe. In my case I use my leaf blower to blow all the leaves onto the lawn. Once I have successfully chased the leaves around for an hour or so, I then use my mower set on a high setting to hoover them up. This has three benefits. Firstly, it means you don’t have to bag all the leaves up as the mower does this. Secondly, you can use the shredded leaves in your compost. Thirdly, and probably most importantly the lawn mower shredding action will deposit a very fine leaf mold directly to the roots of your grass. What’s not to like! The second picture below shows the leaves successfully blown onto the lawn. I know I won’t win a Pulitzer Prize for photography, but I just wanted you to see how hard I was working.

🥔 Clearing up after Butternut Squash and Melons. By now most of your Butternut Squash and Melons should be harvested. I just have two plants at the far end of our small orchard that have three fruits on them. But the rest have been harvested and I needed to clean up the area as we have a Church event in our garden this weekend. Just pull the Squash and Melon vegetation directly out of the ground by holding the main stem close to the soil and easing it out. All of this lovely vegetation should then be put on your compost heap.

Melons as I have mentioned before have been a disaster this year because of them pesky ants. However, I shall have my wife take my annual photograph with the Squash and you will see it soon – I know you can’t wait. The photo below shows a nicely cleared orchard; if you look closely you will see the two Squash plants awaiting harvest at the far end.

🐥 Paternity tests for plants! As the heading to this post so dramatically says, it has come to my attention that I am raising another man’s plant; actually it’s “woman” but that doesn’t sound so dramatic. Anyway, to get on with the story. You will remember I told you a few months back that whilst I was In England for three weeks. I left the garden to be looked after by my friend Karl in conjunction with my wife. I left explicit and detailed instructions for all aspects of garden care, but they still managed to destroy my tomato plants – which I may have mentioned in the past. However, just when I thought it was all behind me and there was no other ways they could hurt me (in a gardening sense of course) it has all come flooding back.

This is how the story unfolds. I had been given a cutting of a lovely Solanum with a nice blue flower and I had duly potted it on. As with all cuttings they do not look very distinctive in this early stage so I always place them in a certain order so I know who is who. These events took place early to mid summer when I usually have cuttings and seedlings all over the place. Included in my cuttings was a Dame de Noche which I was hoping to grow for my friend Daphne. Anyway, to cut a long story short Karl and my wife switched the plants around and then, I believe deliberately, but I could not prove it in a court of law, killed all the seedlings and cuttings through neglect. When they told me of this outcome, I was of course disappointed but when I enquired after the blue Solanum they both assured me that it was the sole survivor.

Since that fateful day I have cosseted the Solanum as the sole survivor of the Killing Fields of 2017, as I like to call this summers massacre. I have potted it on and eventually planted it out ready to start climbing up trellis. You may remember that a few Posts back I featured it as a survivor of Chlorosis; which I sat up all night nursing it through. Although things seemed fine I first started to harbour suspicions that all was not what it seemed. The first signs were the leaves seemed a bit large, but to be honest I didn’t want to admit to myself that something was wrong. I talked to my wife about it but she assured me that it was all in my imagination. Though I did notice she phoned Karl directly after this conversation.

Anyway, the flowers started to form and my excitement rose. However, again I became suspicious as they were the wrong shape, and the plant itself was trying to form a bush rather than climb. Although it has not flowered yet, I decided that it was time to confront my wife. Oh, she cried and denied it, but eventually she cracked and confessed. She promises me that it was only once, it didn’t mean anything, and it would never happen again. But once you lose trust in a gardening sense there is not much point in going on. We are now going to counselling and I have promised to raise the plant as my own. Daphne will have to wait till next year for her Dame de Noche and I have challenged Karl to a duel. The picture below shows the Dame de Noche, the good things is people think it looks like me!

It all started so well, I was going to tell you a bit about late summer planting and how to get the best from your borders, when suddenly It went from Gardeners World to Demolition Squad in the space of one minute. Here’s what happened…

6th September: Things I have been doing lately.

To get this bit into context I have to give you a bit of a preamble and go back a little bit in time. So you have to imagine your screen going all wavy and that back in time music; you know “do dah do do, do dah do do”. Anyway, we are back at the end of summer last year and I had decided to completely redo the borders either side of our drive. I was going to take out all the plants including bulbs and perennials and strip away and replace the top six inches of soil. I successfully undertook this, replanted the bulbs and sowed my usual annuals in Spring. So far so good, but because I had removed all my perennials this meant that when we returned to the present “do dah do do, do dah do do” there was no late summer flowering perennials.

The whole idea of a successful flower bed is that you have continuous flowering through “succession planting”. As one plant dies down so the next comes into flower. In Spain succession planting would look like this: Marguerite Daisies, Carnations, various bulbs (flag Iris etc), Marigolds. But holding it all together would be the perennials which dotted around the border give continuity amidst change. My plant of choice for this role are Lantanas (commonly known as Spanish Flag because of their colouring). Anyway, I didn’t have any as I had dug them all up last year, so I decided to buy some. I know, I know, we gardeners are supposed to grow things not buy them, but I didn’t have the time to grow from seed or cuttings as this would take about a year before I had the type of plants I required.

So I stole €100 from my wife’s purse, donned a disguise in case any fellow gardeners saw me and went to the garden centre. Half an hour later I was the proud possessor of 6 mature Lantana and my wife was lighter by €78 not bad at €13 a plant. I spent the rest of the hundred buying magic beans from a man I met in the garden centre; He wanted my cow as well, but I told him she was at home.

🌼 Planting Lantana. The secret to planting Lantana is to recognise they are going to be around for a long time so they will need good rich soil to get them going. Dig a good size hole for the root ball, at least a spade length deep. Fill this with water and leave to drain. Then fill the bottom of the hole with well rotted compost and add a handful of slow release food granules to the hole. Lay the Lantana pot on its side and roll it backwards and forwards whilst putting pressure on the sides. This should successfully loosen the plant and ensure it slides out of the pot into your hands. Once the plant is out of the post, holding it upright, place your fingers underneath and tease out the root ball to ensure the roots are ready to face out into the soil. Place the plant in the waiting hole, fill in with a mixture of the soil from the plant hole and more compost. Firm the plant in, water profusely and you are done.

That is what is supposed to happen, what actually happened was this. I was digging the planting hole for the second Lantana whilst the first hole was draining. As I dug down the required spade length I decided I needed to go a bit deeper as the second plant had a large root ball. Given the spade was getting nowhere, I decided to use my fork. As I dug the extra couple of inches I came up against a tree root. I duly dug harder and pulled at the root ramming my fork into it. In a sudden flash of clarity I thought “there are no trees near this spot”. That is when the water main went sending a jet of freezing cold water straight up the leg of my shorts. In my panic to get away I tried to clear the area by loading everything into wheel barrow and pushing it across the drive. This was when I hit the drive border wall smashing all the plaster off a big chunk of it.

I won’t bore you with telling you how I had to repair it all, or the cost. Needless to say this has confirmed my wife’s view that I am an idiot. The first photo below shows the planting hole of the first Lantana, I took this just before the great deluge. The second photo shows the damaged drive border wall.

🌱 Reviving the lawn. Those of you who follow this blog will know that now is the time to repair and revive your lawn. In my last blog I dealt with repairs to bare patches and reseeding. This time I want to deal with seasonal maintenance. If you have a lawn you only have two good months of the year when you can do serious work. In Spain the months of March and September are your two windows of opportunity. After March the lawn is growing and the sun is too hot. After September, the grass is going dormant and you are too late to seed.

September is the month for reviving work when you need to scarify and give your last feed of the summer. The process of scarifying involves using a lawn/leaf rake to scrape across the lawn and remove the thatch of dead grass that has built up over the summer. You can use a motorised de-thatcher (I had one in England, but unfortunately not here). If you don’t remove the thatch then it will gradually impede the growth of new grass and leave your lawn looking dry and patchy.

If you have a large lawn like ours then it will be too much to try and de-thatch it all. Instead you should pick out the worse areas to tackle. The system I use is to find a bad area and stand in the middle of it then work around it in a circle with me at the centre. This maximises your effort and minimises your need to move. The thatch once removed can be put on your compost heap, or if you wish keep it in a black sack then use it to line your hanging baskets just as you would with moss.

Once you have de-thatched the areas of the lawn that you can manage, then you need to give it its final feed of the year. This final feed will give the lawn a nice boost to see it through winter. I use a granulated feed high in Nitrogen and Potassium. Now you can distribute this by hand if you want by walking up and down the lawn and scattering it as you go. The danger of this approach is that you will unevenly distribute the feed leaving some areas badly covered where the grass won’t get fed and it will look sickly next year; and other areas with a double dose of feed that will scorch the lawn and leave you with bald patches next year; (the lawn not you).

The best way to distribute lawn feed is by using a wheeled dispenser. These are very cheap these days and most have a dial that you can set to different sizes that allow you to control the rate of distribution. Walking up and down with the dispenser it throws out the feed in a circle around your path of direction. Just make sure that you do not overlap the stripes as you walk up and down the lawn, otherwise you will get scorching (again, the lawn not you).

The two photos below were taken by my wife and are meant to be action photos. In the first I am de-thatching and in the second manfully feeding the lawn. At first she demanded that we brought in a body double for these pictures, but I refused citing my artistic integrity and desire for gardening authenticity. I wouldn’t mind really but I have just passed her computer and she has used photoshop and it now appears that George Clooney has been de-thatching and feeding our lawn. That wouldn’t be so bad but she now has it as a screensaver.

I am sorry if this heading gives false hope to all middle aged men who are balding prematurely and mistakenly may think I have discovered a new Japanese cure. I am talking about Kikuyu the very tough gama type grass seed which I have decided to deploy against the scratching of my Labradors on the lawn; which if you think about it could have been a Pink Floyd album! At this time of the year all lawns start to suffer from wear and tear and none more so than the lawn where we sit and take our morning tea. It’s not that the dogs dig, they would never dare do that, no, they stretch in ostentatious ways as if they were in the Mr Labrador stretching competition. This involves lying sideways together and then stretching their back and front legs as far out as possible then drawing them back in whilst scratching the lawn. They know it annoys me but they exist under the protection of my wife who says their only stretching and it’s just grass anyway!

The outcome is that I have to repair this particular part of the lawn every year. So if you have over indulged dogs, or, rowdy children who insist on running on your lawn, this is how you repair it.

28th August: Things I have been doing lately. Repairing the lawn.

Stage 1: The first stage in repairing your lawn is to assess the type of damage and the position of the damage. In my case it is simple wear and tear through Labradoragedon. The photos below shows both the damagers and the damage. If you look closely at these photos you will see a metal mesh showing through the grass. This could either mean my grass is a cyborg terminator, or, it could be down to the fact that I developed the technique of adding mesh to reseeds. More about this later.

Stage 2: If you have holes or very deep scratches then these will need to be filled. To do this I use top soil that I have saved in a sack from various planting holes during the year. I sieve this directly into my wheelbarrow and also add some shop bought compost, also sieved, to give it a bit of a boost. It is important that you sieve as grass seed does not thrive in stoney or rubbish littered soil. The photo below shows the equipment you need. Notice the trug beside the wheel barrow, this is to pour the sieved stones etc into for later disposal.

Stage 3: In this stage you need to spread the soil over the area to be patched. This is an important stage so take your time. Spread the soil by spade then rake over carefully with a leaf rake. Once you are happy with your work, roller the whole area. The rollering will quickly reveal the various humps and bumps. You then need to re-spread more soil and rake again. Repeat this process until you are happy that it is more or less level. Whilst in my case I am obviously not trying for a perfect lawn, but just one that does not look like something out of Jurassic Park after the dinosaurs have rampaged across. The photo below shows my efforts at rollering. By way of special pleading I should point out that my roller has a large dent in it, which means “it’s rollering Jim but not as we know it”.

Stage 4: This stage involves spreading your chosen grass seed. There are hundreds of different grass seeds suitable for areas whether they are shady, dry, wet or sunny – you just have to choose the right one. In this case I have chosen to use Kikuyu. This is an extremely tough Grass from East Africa in an area that is the home of the Gikuyu tribe (I am not making this up). Anyway, I chose Kikuyu because it has lots of virtues: it is hard wearing, drought resistant, regenerates itself and is deadly to Labradors; alright the last bit I made up but don’t tell Nero and Tango. The only real draw back with Kikuyu is that it is very expensive, costing about €26 for a very small packet. This means that unless you are a millionaire you could not seed a large lawn with Kikuyu. A pleasing aspect of Kikuyu that you can see from the photo below is that it looks like “hundreds and thousands”. One last thing, you must roller again once you have spread the grass seed. I know that there is disagreement about raking in or rollering spread grass seed, but with Kikuyu you must roller. If you don’t have a roller, don’t worry just tread it in.

Stage 5:  The last stage is to protect the new grass seed so that at least has a chance to grow. As I said earlier I have adopted a technique over a number of Labrador plagued years of placing strips of mesh over reseeded areas. This has two main benefits it stops the soil being eroded by foot traffic or dog scratching, and it disappears once the grass has grown. The first photo below shows the prepared and seeded soil with its mesh overlay. The second photo shows the area covered by garden fleece. Both the mesh and the fleece are secured in place by the type of large garden staples normally used to hold down artificial grass. The overall benefit of the fleece is that it stops you feeding the neighbourhood bird population, whilst at the same time letting light and water through to the seed.

Finally, if you are going to repair grass and reseed then you have a window of opportunity now that lasts roughly till the end of September, after this you will have to wait till next March. I of course couldn’t wait as the dogs would have dug trenches by next March.

I have a love and passion for figs that verges on the compulsive. I have two fig trees and this summer the crop has been astounding as I have been feeding the Butternut Squash below the trees and thereby benefiting the tree, hence lots of figs. Regular followers of this blog know that I netted all the fruit trees a couple of months ago to keep out birds etc. I am happy to report that this has been very successful and we have been gorging on figs for at least two months even to the extent that I have given some away. However, and this is the sad bit. I harvested the figs each morning until the fateful day yesterday, when I was down to the last fig of Summer. I duly photographed this to share with you – the photo not the fig, don’t be stupid what do you think I am some sort of Socialist. Anyway, next morning I went out to enjoy my last mouthful of home grown fig – I had actually dreamt about the moment during the night. When to my horror I was met with a half eaten horror of a semi destroyed fig. At first, I must confess I accused my wife Cruella, as her teeth pattern matched those on the fig. But I let her off when I looked more closely and discovered beak marks; though to be honest she does have a prominent nose.

The first photo below shows the last fig of Summer in all its juicy splendour. The second photo reveals the horror of my unrequited tastebuds.

26th August: Things I have been doing lately.

🍉 Harvesting fruit: Although the great fig disappointment is now behind me I am now looking forward to a bumper olive harvest. The process of feeding Butternut Squash beneath the trees has again benefitted the olives. I only have two trees but the larger is  positively weighted down with olives which I shall be harvesting in a few weeks. You can of course harvest your olives when they are green, but I prefer leaving them till they are black then you can be absolutely sure they are ripe. I will tell you all about the processing system in a few weeks.

The Butternut Squash are also almost ready for harvesting. Where these are concerned you leave the fruit on the plant until the stems and leaves fully die back, then you cut off each Squash leaving at least an inch or more of stem attached to stop rotting’ but I will talk about this more in a few weeks.

The great disappointment of the summer have been the Melons. You will have seen my recent photos of the ants feasting happily on my Melons (no innuendo intended). Anyway, they are all gone apart from one. The ants have triumphed and the photo below shows the last Melon standing (or more accurately lying). This of course has made me melancholy (couldn’t resist it). I may not grow Melons next year, but we shall see time is a great healer and my friend Daphne is working on an ant resistant mat in her secret laboratory so we will see. In case you are interested the photos below show a nice healthy Butternut Squash and the last Melon.

✂️ Cutting the lawn: I hope everyone is assiduously cutting their lawn. I know it is hot but that is no excuse for an untidy lawn. Keep cutting on a medium height and water at night. Next month you will need to do the last feed of summer and begin lawn repairs; especially where stupid Labradors scuff it up and blame each other. The photos below show our main lawn looking lovely after a summer mowing. Whilst the second photo shows one of our smaller lawns looking like the Somme with Nero and Tango blaming each other.