Tag: composting

It’s almost time for the big winter cutback and the chickens get their new hats

In times past gardeners would have judged when to begin the big winter cutback by the weather and seasons. But when your wife has chickens you know it’s almost time when the chickens get their new winter hats.

Cruella (my wife) has been knitting for days to provide her girls with their new winter bobble hats. They get them every year for Christmas along with their other presents. Their hats are always in a variety of colours to best reflect their personalities and they all have different colour bobbles on top. Some even have little tie up chin straps so they don’t fall off as they peck for food.

She knows when it is time to begin knitting as the chickens gather in a huddle on our Naya to get out of the cold winds. Helga (her favourite and a really clever chicken) even flys up to the window ledges and taps on the glass to be let in. Cruella (my wife) even begins to gather them up and carry them to bed every night and sometimes stays out there for hours with them; I think they have wine!

The photo below shows the sure signs that Cruella needs to get knitting.

The winter huddle begins
Helga taps on the window to be let in
Cruella heads to the coop with Isabella for a night of wine and nibbles

Anyway enough of this nonsense here are a few things you can be getting on with as we work our way up to the big winter cutback.

5th December 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Planting bare root roses
  • Lifting and separating canna
  • Peeling Yucca

Planting bare root roses. Roses do surprisingly well in Spain especially if you plant them at the right time and make proper preparations for their future success. I have had a couple of Roses die back on me and now is the time to dig them out and replace them.

I have chosen two roses for their new interest. One is “Rhapsody in Blue” which is the first blue rose whilst the other is a new Rambler to replace a current disappointing climber. Both can be seen below as they arrived. The first thing you need to do is soak them for at least 4 hours to get them fully hydrated after their travels.

Bare root and container roses
Soak for at least 4 hours

Remember you can’t just plant roses directly into the hole left by an old rose. Roses are very hungry feeders and quickly deplete the soil of all beneficial nutrients, therefore you need to completely replace and replenish the soil before you replant.

I mix up a special mixture of 1/3 rd of my old compost, 1/3rd good professional compost and 1/3rd horse manure compost. I add a bit of Rose food to this mix and always sprinkle the roots with Myocorrhizal Fungus to help quick rooting. The photos below show this process in action.

The essential horse pooh
The secret ingredient Myocorrhizal fungus

When you have the planting hole ready then fill it with water and let it drain away whilst you have a cup of tea. For bare root and container roses there are two different planting levels. Bare root roses need to be planted with their bud junction at least three inches under the soil, whilst container roses should keep the same soil level as in the pot when replanted. The photos below show them planted.

Bare root bud junction must be buried
Container roses planted at their potted level

Lifting and separating Cannas. Canna are beautiful plants for Spanish gardens as their lush foliage and beautiful flower spikes add height and colour to any garden. The secret to getting the most from Cannas is to lift and separate them every 3-5 years as they can become congested.

Cannas grow from rhizomes (ugly bulbs) and they produce more and more flowering nodes on each rhizome and therefore need to be separated every few years. Cannas can be left each winter till their foliage is quite brown and raggedy, then you need to cut their stems back to 3 to 5 inches from the ground. The photos below show foliage before cutting back and the correct size to cutback the stems.

Remember you must leave 3 to 5 inches of stem

Once you have cut the stems back then it is time to lift and separate the rhizomes. Just ease them out with a fork and spade. You will be surprised how many new rhizomes and canna plants you now have. The photo below shows my new harvest of canna rhizomes drying out on top of my compost bin lids. They will now be stored in the dry and out of the sun till I plant them again or give them away to friends.

Lots of new Canna

Finally, when planting cannas you need to bury the rhizomes just below the surface of the soil with the old stem sticking out of the soil. The new flowers will come from nodes on the rhizomes and not from the stem. The stem is only there to stop water seeping into and rotting the rhizomes. The photo below shows some that I am just replanting (note the depth).

It’s very important that you plant just below the surface with the stem sticking out.

Peeling Yucca. If you live in a windy area and you have large Yucca in pots, then now is the time to peel them otherwise they will blow over in the wind and probably smash your nice pot.

The back of my house has different type of succulents and yucca in pots and this area can be very windy in the winter. I have given up using many clay pots in this area as they tend to end up smashed as the plants go over. However, peeling the yucca leaf blades makes them less susceptible to being blown over. Just peel one blade at a time by pulling down sharply; make sure you wear protective glasses and gloves as yucca blades are both sharp and pointy.

The photos below show my yuccas and other succulents peeled and shorn ready for wintry gusts.

Note the battered pot
Let the wind blow

The big composting special

Hooray it’s that time of year again when I regale you with advice on the merits of composting. For weeks I have been excited about this but unfortunately I mentioned my excitement to Cruella (my wife). Since then she has mercilessly mocked me saying that compost is smelly and that I am an idiot for getting excited about dirt. To make matters worse her chickens have taken to following me around pretending to hold their beaks and shouting smelly in chickenese (at least I think that’s what they are shouting.

But I’ve got my own back. Remember that Coca Cola advert that appears on the television every Christmas, where a large truck with a picture of Santa Claus on the side goes through towns accompanied by the sound track singing “holidays are coming…holidays are coming”. Well that has been me for the past few weeks I have been singing “compost special is coming…compost special is coming”. To say this has annoyed Cruella (my wife) would be an understatement, so much so that I now mumble it under my breath, and when she says what did you just say, I reply “nothing”. I know it’s not much, but I count that as a small victory.

Anyway, on with the show let’s keep the excitement bubbling.

1st November 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Why compost
  • How to compost
  • What to compost
  • What not to compost
  • The key ingredients of compost
  • what should compost look like

Why compost. All garden soil gets depleted over time and lose micro nutrients either they just get washed away by the rain or the plants take them up and the soil needs replenishing. Composting can help improve soil by adding back these nutrients and encouraging helpful bacteria that will break down and improve your soil. When added to your garden compost will help suppress weeds, lessen the need for chemical fertilisers, retain moisture and give you a warm feeling that you are doing a “green thing”. So no matter what your motivation, by composting you will be improving your garden and it will make you a better person.

How to compost. You don’t have to make a big deal out of composting and any one can do it. Whether you have a large garden or just a little patio garden with pots, adding compost will improve your garden. The basic need is to have a compost bin, or compost heap where you can store your compost. This can be very basic such as a little patch of your garden where you tip excess produce and cuttings etc. You could just have a heap in the corner covered by an old carpet, or if you like make a basic container out of chicken wire.  It might be easier just to buy a compost bin from a store and there are thousands of them, from basic one simple bin, right up to multi-bin purpose built composting systems.

As you would expect, I have a purpose built composting system consisting of two large bins with lid for easy access and doors that can be raised to allow me to get at the compost from the bottom. The photo below shows my composting system.

Now, I don’t want you getting compost bin envy, that’s not the idea. I designed these and had them built when we first moved to this house because this size garden calls for this amount of compost. There are fruit trees to be mulched, lots of beds that need seasonal replenishing, lawns that need some topping and all the planting and stuff on the potting bench.

What to compost. Now you can compost most organic material. Examples would be:

  • all plant cuttings and mown grass
  • vegetable trimmings etc from your kitchen
  • old newspapers and cardboard
  • hair and fur from your dog, cat, hamster; even chicken feathers
  • twigs and branches up to about an inch thick
  • eggshells, coffee grounds and filters, tea bags
  • fruit, but not too many lemons or oranges as they will make the heap acidic

What not to compost. You must be careful not to compost the following:

  • cooked food of any sort (this will encourage rats and cockroaches). This includes: meat, bones, fish, fat or dairy
  • leaves or cuttings from plants that have been infected with disease or pathogens such as rust on Roses or mildew. If you compost these then you will infect the heap.
  • dog or cat poo; and don’t even think of human poo.

The key ingredients of compost. Quite simply good composting requires four things:

1. Green items: that add nitrogen (grass, leaves etc)

2. Brown items: that add carbon (twigs, branches, newspapers etc)

3. Water: to keep the heap moist but not wet (don’t let it dry out, but don’t over soak it)

4. Air: oxygen is needed to encourage the composting process, so once a month you need to stir your compost with a fork or spade to keep the air circulating.

There is one other vital ingredient that you can choose to add to your compost heap, and that is “compost accelerator”. This is normally added as a powder which encourages the development of microbes in your compost heap and speeds up the composting process.

The photo below shows all the key ingredients apart from air; but I assure you it is there. In the photo you will also see a special compost turning tool that I bought some 20 years ago. You just push this into your compost heap then the two little wings at the bottom of the rod come out as you pull up and the whole heap is lifted and turned. If you can find one, buy it.

What should  compost look like? A question I am always asked (I lead an interesting life). The photos below show the current state of my compost bins. The first photo is the bin currently in use, and you can see all the ingredients I talked about above. The second photo shows the resting bin this has been in use for a few weeks that and has already had lots of compost removed. You can see from this photo that the bin is half empty, and this is because all the insects and beneficial microbes will have eaten stuff whilst making the compost. The final photo shows the finished compost; or as I call it black gold. Each of these bins will on average give me 20 wheel barrow loads of compost each year.

Gettting in the compost bin. One of the great joys at the end of a hard days gardening of trimming and cutting is to get in the compost bin and tread it all down. What do you mean you’ve never done this, just me then. One of the drawbacks of getting in the bin and stomping your compost down is that quite often you have cockroaches run up your legs which can be disquieting. To overcome this I have cut a board exactly the size of my bin which I fit into the top and then jump up and down on (patent applied for).

The photos below show my bin with the board in place, followed by a view of a reduced bin. Finally, I had to take a selfie of me in the bin as Cruella (my wife) refused to,come near because of cockroaches. Just after she took this photo, Cruella slammed the lid down and I was in there for two days. I must say they were the happiest two days of my life. She only got me out because the dishwasher needed emptying.

I pick seed winners, rescue a Leek and demand that chickens wear nappies

We are now in the dog days of Summer; the heat is intense, plants are wilting, water bills are high and Cruella (my wife) is refusing to fit nappies (diapers for US readers) to her chickens. I know it is all a bit surreal, but you should try living here. Anyway on with the gardening.

20th August 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Selecting the best blooms for seed
  • Cutting back Petunias
  • Dealing with tree suckers
  • Rescuing a common houseleek
  • Petitioning for chicken nappies

Selecting the best blooms for seed. Now is the time to consider which blooms you are not going to deadhead, but instead save for next years seed. As you wander up and down your borders deadheading, look out for the best blooms and mark them for seed. To be honest I should have done this earlier in the summer but I have been just too busy.

The benefit of marking the best flowers for seed, is that you do not accidentally deadhead them. Just get some masking tape, select the blooms you want to save, and wrap a band of masking tape around the stem to remind you not to deadhead this particular flower. I do this because when the flowers shrivel and die they all look alike, but if I mark the best ones I will save them for my next years seed. The photos below show some of my marked blooms.

Cutting back Petunias. I have mentioned in recent post that I have been delighted with Petunias this year. They have flowered like crazy and given me much joy. As long as you deadhead them each day – by plucking off spent flowers – they will keep flowering. However, by now they are getting a bit leggy as you can see in the photo below.

For some reason this pot does extremely well

To keep them flowering then you need to cut back the longer stems by a third to half. Don’t do all of them just select a few each week and prune them with secateurs. The photos below show me pruning to ensure flowering all the way to October hopefully.

Dealing with tree suckers. Tree suckers are those little bright green shoots that you see sprouting from the bottom of the trunk on your trees. It is important that you remove these as they are in effect sucking the goodness out of your tree before it reaches the leaves and fruit.

Tree suckers are particularly a problem on older trees, especially those suckers that are growing from below the soil as these may be root stock suckers that are no good to anyone. You need to remove suckers on a regular basis. The simplest way is to pull sharply downwards on the sucker and tear it away from the trunk, this method is far better than cutting with secateurs, as it seems to inhibit further growth.

The photos below show a sample of my trees before and after with a variety of types of suckers. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Do not use your hands to remove suckers from palms

Rescuing a common house leek. I don’t have many succulents in pots, but a while ago I potted up some house leeks with a variety of other succulents and they looked rather nice. Well, they all started to die and rot and it was all my fault. It was simple really, my nice pot of succulents sat between two pots of petunias, and as I watered one pot of petunias and moved across to the next, I would just give the succulents a squirt of water. But never do this, or you will get what I got a pot of rot. See the photo below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

If you catch this in time, then the solution is simple, stop watering! Then you have to dig up the plants, clean them of dead foliage and rot and repot them in a nice free draining compost with added vermiculite. Once settled water them once a month if necessary The photos below show my little succulents being rescued and revived.

Petitioning for chicken nappies. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but Cruella’s chickens are poohing everywhere they shouldn’t. I expect them to pooh in the garden, in fact I welcome it. But lately they have been congregating on our Naya (veranda), covering it in Pooh and then sneaking into the house to torment Tango the lonely blind Labrador by poohing near him. He then rolls over to ease his many pains and ends up covered in chicken Pooh.

I approached Cruella (my wife) with the problem, but she flat out denied that it was her girls. She began to blush and exclaimed that her girls were too well brought up for such things and were well versed in “toilette”. Anyway I presented her with the photo evidence below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Pooh covered Naya
sneaking in
they are on tiptoes
Tango suspects they are there

At first she denied they were real photos and I must have photoshopped her girls in. When I insisted this was not the case she changed her story and said her girls were just popping in to see if Tango the lonely blind Labrador was ok!?

Anyway, she has refused my suggestion of chicken nappies and instead insisted that I should put up an old fly screen over the door. So far poor old Tango has got tangled in the screen and fallen out the door three times; the chickens just stand back and mock him in chickenese as he struggles to free himself. It is a bit like watching Samson being mocked in the temple of Dagon by the Philistines.

I am deadheading night and day, Cruella has a new broom and the chickens are disrespecting Tango

By now your garden should be at its peak, with flowers galore, soft fruits and figs etc coming out of your ears. And yes, I know it’s hot, but when the going gets tough, the tough get gardening. As if all this isn’t enough Cruella has upgraded her broom to a digital model, she says it is the equivalent of the Airfryer of brooms, but I don’t know what she is talking about. The photo below shows a delighted Cruella with her new broom.

If you look closely the handle has a hole in the top, Cruella tells me this is to hang your handbag when flying.

Oh! and the chickens are trying to make Tango the lonely blind Labrador homeless and are disrespecting him. Anyway, on with the gardening.

5th August 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Deadheading
  • Harvesting and preserving figs
  • Dealing with the Chillis disaster
  • The chickens are disrespecting Tango

Deadheading. You have done all the hard work, planting seeds, potting on, planting out etc. And now you can enjoy your lovely summer flowers. Even if you shamefully went out and bought your plants, I can forgive you, as long as you deadhead every day.

Every plant will attempt to flower only once and then put all its energy into setting seed. The plants whole purpose is to fulfill its life cycle by setting the next generation. However, if you let this happen then all you will mainly get is a quick flush of flower then borders full of brownish wilting plant stems.

If you want flowers all summer then you need to deadhead daily. At its simplest this means taking off the spent flowers heads to encourage the plant to continue to flower.

Most deadheading is very simple. Take your secateurs to just under the spent flowers head, but don’t cut there. Instead, slide your secateurs down the stem of the plant till you meet the next flush of leaves, cut here. In this way your cut will be at a growth node and you will not be leaving behind deadwood that could get infected. However, sometimes you have to deadhead certain plants differently so I have outlined some examples below.

Marigolds. Marigolds are stalwarts in my flower beds and are wonderful flowerers all summer. You deadhead Marigolds in the traditional way by moving your secateurs down the stem. See photos.

Petunias. I have planted Petunias from seed this year and they have been delightful. Once they get going they flower profusely with new flowers every day. To get the best out of Petunias I deadhead them every morning and sometimes twice a day.

You do not prune Petunias, instead you deftly pluck out the spent flowers. However, it is difficult at first to tell which is a new flower and which is a spent flower. So you have to train your eye to tell the difference. A new unopened flower will come straight out from the stem as a closed funnel (which to be honest can look dead).

A spent flower that has been left and not deadheaded soon enough looks exactly like a new flower with the only difference that it has a slight curl at the end, and if you feel it, it will feel a little bit crusty. The first photo below shows an emerging flower, whilst the second shows a spent flower.

New flower
Dead flower

Cruella just looked over my shoulder, read this and said “nobody cares about your bloody flowers”.

Roses. Most of my roses are single bloomers and in the main it is all over by late May with another little flush roundabout now. The one exception is an old standard rose that I planted in a hedge years ago. This thrives on neglect and flowers beautifully all summer. To prune roses, wait until most of the colour has gone out of the individual blooms and then deadhead by sliding your secateurs down the stem as outlined above. The photo below shows my lovely old rose flowering away and how to deadhead.

Rain Lily. By now all of my bulb plants have flowered, been deadheaded and are happily sleeping in the soil till next Spring. The one exception is a lovely little pot of Rain Lily (Zephranthes Carinata). This lovely little plant flowers like crazy, but like all bulbs you just take off the seed head and let the stems die back naturally. It will be cut back to the soil in the autumn, but now it is time to just enjoy. The photos below show the little wonder.

Harvesting and preserving figs. If you pruned your fig tree correctly, then by now you will be awash with figs. Luckily I love figs, but even I can’t keep up with the harvest. The photos below show my daily harvest from two trees.

Now there are lots of things you can make with figs, so just look it up on the internet. But, if you want to preserve that luscious juicy feeling through till the autumn then I recommend drying your figs in the sun and then freezing them for use later.

It is quite simple as long as you remember that your figs will be under attack from ants, flys and birds, so you have to protect them. All you need is a few mesh baking type trays, fly coverings which you can get from most “China” shops (sorry those of you in the US, it is a common term in Spain).

Cut your figs into halves and then space them out in rows on your mesh tray. Put this out into your garden on a table in full sun all day. You must place the legs of your table into pots of water to ensure that ants can’t climb up and destroy your figs. The easiest thing to do is just cut a plastic orange or milk bottle in two and fill the bottom with water.

Leave your figs in full sun all day, but take them indoors each night and keep them covered. It takes about two to three days to dry the figs. The first photo below shows my sun drying technique, whilst the second shows some figs ready to freeze. They can be used as a snack or used in cereals and porridge.

Note the legs in water
Autumn treats

Dealing with the Chillis disaster. I have grown lots of Chilli plants from seed this year. I had so many that I kept 8 but have given lots away to friends. All was going well with plenty of flowers and nascent Chillis; that was until the chickens found them. I had placed them in pots at the rear of our house where the chickens seldom go, but I came out one morning to find the plants stripped of all flowers and the little Chillis and most of the leaves.

I was extremely distressed and complained to Cruella (my wife), but she just shrugged her shoulders and said “girls will be girls, you shouldn’t have left the stupid things there anyway”. In the end I put my plants up on tables out of the reach of the chickens, but then we had a terrible storm that blew all the plants off the table and removed all the new little Chillis. I have persevered and at last I have some Chillis. See the photos below for the hapless chilli plants and my little harvest.

It seemed a good idea putting them on tables
A hard won harvest

The chickens are disrespecting Tango. Tango the lonely blind Labrador was for so many years top dog. Together with his late brother Nero he rampaged around the garden, guarded the house and was generally just lovely. However, lately age and ill health have forced him down the animal pecking order. Now 17, blind, deaf, only three good legs and a gigantic tumour he cuts a sad figure. To me he will always be a puppy, but Cruella and her chickens laugh at him, mock his infirmities and snigger when he can’t get up. He is a bit like Samuel chained to the pillars by the Philistines in the temple of Dagon.

Tango’s situation has been made worse by Cruella’s new broom. She has been distracted with test flights and the chickens and their friend the Dove have started picking on Tango. They turn their backs to him every time he walks past and just snigger. They try and stop him entering the house by blocking the doorway. However, the latest indignity is the worst; the Dove has started bathing in Tango’s drinking bowl.

Tango has started having stress nose bleeds, so we are pulling together a “class action” to prove cruelty to dogs and Chillis. We are still working on the paper work, I will let you know how we get on. The photos below show Cruella starting one of her test flights, followed by various acts of cruelty.

She has already knocked the satellite dish off the roof
Mockery
Trying to keep Tango out
Shameful behaviour

Grapes in bags, Figs weeping acid and Sussex died in front of me

Let me start with the non gardening bit; Sussex is not related to that “Meghan”, but the chicken Sussex, who unfortunately has died in the heat. I was walking past her and she just keeled over and died. Cruella (my wife) has accused me of being involved and has contacted the police, she refers to me as “the perp”. Technically I am on the run so don’t tell anyone where I am. On with the gardening.

4th July 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Dressing grapevines and bagging grapes
  • Getting my figs ready for netting
  • Succession planting with Petunias
  • Goodbye to the mini greenhouse till next year
  • The death of Sussex

Dressing grapevines and bagging grapes. At this time of year your grapevines will be overflowing with leaf growth and hopefully some bunches of grapes. The photos below show my grapevines as leafy behemoths.

Too much leafy growth hinders grapes
Ornamentals can be left leafy

Now if you are growing them to be ornamental – like the one at the front of my house – then this is fine. However, if you want to maximise grapes, then you need to dress your grapevines. This process has been going on for centuries and is even mentioned in the Bible. In effect it means, pruning, tying in, removing suckers, thinning leaves and generally maximising your opportunities for grapes.

At this time of year your will need to cutback the unproductive growth on your grapevine as this will take energy away from grape production. Just cutback to a leaf node on the longest branches and make sure you let light into the grapes. The photos below show firstly, where to cutback and secondly you can see that I am training a vine to go through an existing Euphorbia and along a wire ( just for fun).

Remember you are not pruning, just dressing
This branch has grown 4 metres since January

Finally, if you really want to get serious with your grapes, bag them into horticultural bags. This saves them from wasps, too much sun and other baddies. You can buy these bags in most garden centres in Spain and on Amazon. All you do is pop the grapes into the open end of the bag and then tie the bag at the top. By leaving the bottom open the grapes get air, and you get to check them occasionally. When they are ready just cut them off at the vine, turn the bag upside down and you have a ready made bag of grapes – enjoy!

It’s in the bag

Getting my figs ready for netting. Regular readers of this blog will know that I prune my figs back very hard each January in pollarding style. They always come back with tremendous growth and hopefully give me two flushes of fruits. The only slight setback with this method is that the new growth can hinder the necessary netting of the figs to stop birds eating everything. The photo below shows my very leafy figs

To successfully net the figs requires me to take off the longest branches. The danger in doing this in Summer is that when cut, figs weep a very caustic sap which will burn flesh quite severely. So before you cut, gear up with long sleeved jacket, proper shoes and socks a hat and preferably eye covering as well. The photos below show me dressed in my extreme winter gear ready to get cutting( I had to wear shorts it was so hot).

Cruella took these photos before she found out about Sussex
This is my best severe weather gardening jacket

When you are cutting the fig, start from the bottom and work your way around the tree to the top. In this way you will not have caustic sap dripping on you as you work. The photos below show my working from the bottom and the caustic sap dripping from a cut branch.

Mind the sap

Finally don’t try and clear anything up for at least 24 hours, this will ensure that the sap will be completely dried both on the cuttings and the tree branches.

Don’t you dare touch this for at least 24 hours or off to A&E you will go

Succession planting with Petunias. A good gardener will have a succession plan for their garden to ensure that they have seasonal flowers nearly all year. Now I know that you are all good gardeners and you wouldn’t consider just going out every weekend and buying more plants from garden centres!

My final part of succession planting for this year is Petunias. These go into the spaces left by early bulbs and various Irises. A packet of Petunia seeds will provide you with hundreds of plants for just a few Euros. The photos below show the various stages of my little Petunias as they make their way to the planting beds.

Planting seeds
Pricking out
Lovely little roots
Growing on
Acclimatising but safe from the Blackbirds

With all succession planting the key is to reinvigorate and prepare the soil between each round of plantings. In this case it means lightly digging over the soil with a trowel, removing spent bulb stalks and them most importantly replenishing the soil with a layer of fresh compost from your compost bin. The photos below show this process.

Lovely free compost

Finally it is time to plant out the new seedlings. Remember you can only plant now with plants that you have grown from seed and fully acclimatised; plants bought from garden centres and planted now will usually die. The photos show some of the many seedlings I planted followed by a photo of the first flowers.

They will flower all the way through till October as long as you take off spent flowers by plucking not cutting

Goodbye to the mini greenhouse till next year. With just my cheap little mini greenhouse and packets of seeds I have managed to keep my garden in flower all year. It is now time to put the little greenhouse away together with all my seed trays. Remember you could easily do this starting from next January. You would not only save money, you would have the joy of nurturing your own plants from seeds to planting and see the wonders of God at close hand.

The roof has caved in, but I might just get another year out of it
Treated carefully seed trays will last for years

The death of Sussex. I was just walking up the drive to deadhead some Marigolds, when I heard a squawking from under an Orange tree. I looked round and Sussex (the chicken) just keeled over and died. When I informed Cruella (my wife) she screamed “what have you done”. Despite all my protestations she insisted on gathering what she termed forensic evidence; she watches too much CSI type programmes.

Anyway, she swabbed the inside of my mouth with a cotton bud, took scrapings from under my nails and plucked a load of hair from my head. She has informed me that this is going off to the Lab and that I shouldn’t leave the country. She tried to get me to report to her every evening and surrender my Passport, but I refused.

So technically I am on the run. I mainly hide out in the shed and at night sleep in the compost bins. I only sneak out in the late evening to do a bit of deadheading or sometimes prune a few things back. She knows I am still here as she has placed police tape across all the gates to stop me getting away.

The photo below shows Sussex involved in a delegation lobbying me on some chicken rights issue.

Spring has sprung and I have been dobbed in by a Dove

Cruella (my wife) is at our English house ruining the life of our idiot son. I am in charge of everything here: the house, the car, Tango the lonely blind Labrador and the bloody chickens. I just ignore everything and garden all day, the chickens don’t get fed unless they ask directly, and I don’t understand chickenese. It was all going so well until Cruella somehow found out. There were consequences, but more of that later.

Spring is such an exciting time for us gardeners and there is so many things that we need to be getting on with.

15th March 2025. Things I have been doing lately.

  • Deadheading Aeoniums
  • Refreshing plants in pots
  • Reviving your lawn
  • Planting seeds
  • Dealing with a traitor pigeon

Deadheading Aeoniums. By now most of your Aeoniums should have finished flowering and it is time to tidy them up by a bit of judicious deadheading. The process is simple. Look just below the spent flower and you will see that the plant stem has started to thin and is noticeably thinner. The plant is naturally cutting off the flower as it no longer needs it. All you have to do is help it along, using your secateurs cut the stem at the thinnest point below the flower. The photos below show the process. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Refreshing plants in pots. If you have plants in pots then now is the time to refresh them. Over time plants can become untidy, pot bound and in need of fresh compost. Walk around and have a good look at all your plants in pots. The first thing to do is sit down and pull out all the debris, dead leaves and detritus that has built up.

Next, prune back any dead or dying stems and reshape the plant. Finally, most plants can only thrive for a couple of years in the same compost. Tease the plant out of its pot being careful of the roots then fill with fresh compost and gently ease the plant back into its pot. The photos below show a number of my potted plants all looking a bit bedraggled, overcrowded and in need of attention.

It is important to note that if you are tidying up Yucca and other spikey or spiny plants, then it is essential that you wear eye and hand protection. The photos below show what a difference a tidy up makes in restoring each plants self esteem!

Reviving your lawn. I know that not many of you have lawns in Spain, but those of you in the US and other parts of Europe are in love with your grass. But like love, if neglected it soon dies. And so it is with your lawn, Spring is the time to revive the love affair with your lawn. There are a number of things you should be doing:

  • rake out areas that are dead or dying
  • apply a selective weed killer
  • top dress with a specialist compost
  • feed with a specialist feed
  • reseed when the weather is warm enough in your area

The photos below show all of this activity going on in my lawn, with the final photo showing the lawn after its first cut of the season.

I have to admit photos from this angle do flatter the lawn, there are a few bareish patches

Planting seeds. Oh the joy and delight in planting seeds and creating your own plants. Not only is it cost effective; as you get hundreds of plants for a few Euros, but also you will really be gardening rather than just shopping for plants.

If you have never planted seeds before then don’t panic, it is so simple. Go out to the local Garden Centre or supermarket check out the packets of seeds and buy a few packets of the ones you like. Try and pick ones that are easy to grow and suitable for your local climate and garden. But better still, why not gather seeds from your garden this summer and start your own seed collection. The photo below shows some of my collection.

The key to success in seed growing is the growing medium you use. Pick the best compost you can afford, and make sure it is for seedlings. You can help your compost by making it as free draining as possible, so buy some vermiculite to mix in with your compost. The photo below shows the stuff I use.

Mix your compost and couple of handfuls of Vermiculite in a trug. Make sure there are no lumps in your mixture then fill up some seed trays. Finish by tamping down the compost in the seed tray to get rid of any air pockets. The photos below show the process.

When you have your seeds trays ready, then just follow the instructions on the packet. Most seeds are sprinkled on the surface of the compost then lightly covered with compost. The photos below show this process.

With larger seeds the process is slightly different. Most larger seeds need to be sown individually in 4 inch pots or cellular seed trays. Just fill the pots or cells with compost, water lightly. Then using a pencil or dibber make a hole about half and inch deep pop your seed in and pinch the top of the hole closed. The photos below show this process.

The final,part of the whole process is to put your new seeds somewhere warm to allow them time to germinate. This need not be expensive you can use a window ledge indoors or just buy a real cheap mini greenhouse, you will only need it for a few weeks. The photos below shows my first seeds planted and in my mini greenhouse. The final photo is four days later and God has worked his magic and I have lovely new plants.

Dealing with a traitor pigeon. Whilst Cruella is away I take the opportunity to show the chickens whose boss. This means no special treats, early bed times, and restricted exercise periods. As you would expect this has engendered lots of discontent. In the past the chickens have somehow got a message to Cruella (my wife) and I have been made to reverse my restrictions including having to publicly apologise to the chickens whilst they smirk at me.

Anyway, this time I had taken the necessary precautions to stop them communicating. All chickens had been frisked for phones, I changed the Wi-Fi password and taped over the ChickenCam Cruella had insisted on; I told her there was an electrical problem.

I had to put up with all their squeaking and frantic gesticulations, but I just point to my ear and shout “me no speak chickenese” it drives them mad. They have held meetings, protest marches and even sent Elsa to plead their case. The photos below show their attempts to protest.

Protest meeting
Angry march
Elsa pleads their case

But I held out and was really pleased with myself until a furious phone call from Cruella. She was literally screaming at me “what have you done to my girls” I pleaded ignorance, but it was no good, she knew everything. I tried to blame Tango the lonely blind Labrador, but to no end. The end result was that she insisted that I make it up to the girls. I had to put Elsa on the phone, they chatted away in chickense, in what sounded a very animated call. The end result was that the chickens had demanded reparations and I have been forced to give them grapes every day. The photos below show the humiliation.

I couldn’t understand how Cruella had found out about my neglect of the chickens, especially after all my precautions. Then it came to me, I had covered everything apart from the bloody Dove that Cruella has adopted. It seems I thought it was an innocent Dove, when all along it was a stool pigeon! Photo of the traitor below – I didn’t give it any grapes!

The big Winter cutback stage 4. I Tackle the big tree and the chickens try to assassinate me

The last thing I tackle in my winter cutback is to prune back my big ficus tree. This sits majestically in a gravelled area on part of my front garden. The pruning is a mammoth task mainly because the ficus gets bigger year by year whilst I get smaller over the same time frame. Those of you who regularly follow this blog will remember that I pruned this tree back to a donut effect over 13 years ago by cutting out the central trunk to create a hole in the middle into which I inserted a statue of the Cheshire Cat from Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland.

The big ficus has always seen this reshaping as an affront to its dignity, and as such has sought to punish me over the years by various means including:

  • Becoming infested with wooly aphids and many other creatures
  • Deliberately dropping its leaves to make the gravel area untidy
  • Tripping me up in its roots
  • Throwing me off my ladder when I am entering the centre of the tree

Anyway let’s get on with the gardening:

24th February 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Pruning the big Ficus
  • Surviving chicken assisination attempts

Pruning the big Ficus.  An important part of my pre-pruning ritual is to build up my courage by pre-prune psyching out. This is a bit like boxers at the weigh in. We stare at each other, I strike postures around the tree and issue a series of blood curdling threats. For its part the tree just waits silently knowing its time is coming. To be honest my pre-prune ritual was hindered by Cruella’s (my wife) chickens constantly mocking me and deliberately making “chicken” sounds. The first two photos below show the terror of the big Ficus, the final photo shows the centre of the tree overgrown and ready for reshaping.

The first stage in pruning is to begin to open up the centre of the tree to let light in. This involves using long reach electric trimmers. The photo below shows the first few trimmings. Note the two trugs at the base of the tree these are to protect existing plants from damage.

I then move on to trimming the sides of the tree.This takes place in two stages.The first stage involves me walking around the tree trimming up the bottom half and underneath before standing on my platform to trim the top half. The photos below show the action.

When the sides are finished the tree begins to take shape. The photos below show the sides trimmed and ready for the top and inside to be cut.

Getting up inside the tree is the bit that I dread most. I have to climb the ladder then stand at the centre of the tree precariously balancing on the main branches whilst reaching out with the long trimmers to get at the farthest branches. This year has been more precarious than most for chicken related reasons that I outline later. The photos below show me in action. Where you can’t see me, I’m in the middle of the tree.

The final act is the big clean up. I do this over a couple of days so that most of the moisture has gone out of the cut leaves making them easier to gather up. The photo below shows the official end of the big cut back and the declaration that Spring has come.

The chickens try to assassinate me. I didn’t like to mention this when I was telling you about the big tree, as I was a bit upset and emotional. It all started about two weeks ago when Cruella (my wife) casually mentioned the British government’s “Assisted Dying Bill”. She enquired. Whether I had given any thought to perhaps not being a burden to her and her girls.

Since then she has asked me to sign various documents, I don’t quite know what they are for, but she has assured me they are just admin and nothing to worry about. Evidently it turns out we might be going to Switzerland for a holiday. I only became suspicious when I found the tickets and I haven’t got a return.

Since signing those documents I have had a few near miss accidents, things have fallen on me, my food has tasted funny and my electric blanket appears to have been rewired. I have started taking precautions and the only place I felt safe was in the garden hiding by the compost bins.

That all changed when I was cutting back the big tree. When I was up the ladder I could see Cruella and her chickens close by in deep conspiratorial discussion. Suddenly without any warning the chickens all charged at the ladder. Screaming in Chickenese “banzai” (I know that’s Japanese, but that’s what it sounded like). I only survived by clinging to the tree as the ladder fell away.

Cruella apologised, and I accepted that accidents happen, and I wouldn’t have minded but it happened twice more. On the last occasions I was left up the tree for 6 hours. When eventually I got down I found Cruella and the chickens had remodelled my bedroom and thrown all my clothes out. I am consulting a solicitor.


The big winter cutback Part 3 and I am chicken free.

I am currently at our English house freezing despite the heating being on very, very high. The days are grey and misty, punctuated by heavy down pours, the only gardening I can do is to look out the window and plan. So when you have romantic longings for gardening in the UK, be careful what you wish for.

Despite the weather I am blessed to be free from Cruella (my wife) and her chickens; but I want to confess I am worried about the last part of my big winter cutback when I reshape the big Ficus tree. Anyway, on with the gardening.

6th February 2025. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Preparing your flower beds and planting seedlings
  • Pruning roses
  • Cutting back palms
  • Cutting back hedges

Preparing your flower beds and planting seedlings. Over the past few weeks I have been clearing out my flower beds, weeding them and then mulching with compost. Normally, I remove self seeded plants such as Osteospermum and put them into seed trays to grow on and then plant later. This year I am cutting out the seed tray part and re-siting and replanting the Osteospermum as I go along. The photos below show the flower beds in the process of being cleaned up followed by the seedlings being replanted.

The photos below show the strong seedlings ready for transplanting. You can only do this with strong over winterers like Osteospermum. Do not try and plant new plants now as they will just rot in the ground.

Finally, the beds all set out with their new seedlings. I will interplant these with Marigolds and other spring plants as I grow them from seed.


Pruning roses. Now if you are a rose lover you can fetishise rose pruning. Over the years I have lost gallons of blood as I carefully prune back my roses to exactly just the right bud. I have castigated others who have left their roses unpruned or worse still pruned them badly.

I now have lots of rose bushes and adopt a more cavalier approach. Instead of carefully pruning each stem I get out my hedge trimmers and take everything back to about six inches. If necessary I will go back in a few weeks and trim up any straggly stems with my secateurs. The photos below show below shows pruning in action.

Cutting back palms. Now is the time to cutback all types of palms. The sap has been drawn down into the roots, there is no growth, and most importantly the dreaded palm weevil is not flying. Do not be tempted to cut back in the warmer weather as the palm weevil will smell your cut and soon home in on your tree. For larger palm trees I always use a professional Palmista, do not try and cut back large trees yourself as it is extremely dangerous.

I have a lovely stand of European Fan Palms planted in a rotunda on my front path. These serve to block the view from the street towards the house and need cutting back yearly. To prune palms all you need to do is cutback the old drooping fronds, stopping when you have only fronds that are pointing upwards at about 45 degrees. The photos below show my palms ready for their annual trim.

And finally here they are looking all trim and ready for another years growth.

Bringing hedges back into shape. Hedges are an important part of my garden as they mark boundaries so much better than fences, and they flower, which fences never do. I have about 200 metres or more of hedges all tightly packed and encouraged to fight to earn the right to flower. These include:

  • Bignonia
  • Plumbago
  • Trumpet vine
  • Jasmine
  • Roses
  • Bower vine
  • Bougainvillea 
  • Hibiscus

In addition to all of the above I have two self seeded trees that have found their way in: a white maple and pomegranate both of which add a bit of contrast in height. The rule with hedges is very simple; everything is cut back drastically to the same height, with the edges taken back straight to encourage light into other areas. The photos below show my hedges before, during and after their prune. Click on each photo for a larger view.

The final act of hedge pruning is to shred the thicker stems from the maple and the pomegranate and use them as mulch under other trees. Click on each photo for a larger view.

The big winter cutback part 2. Cruella demands chicken workers rights

The big winter cutback continues, and this post covers the main jobs you should be doing in your garden right now. Remember, don’t delay as growth will start in late February and you will have missed the window to prepare your garden for summer.

All is going well with my cutback and I have managed to find a use for the chickens in the garden; Cruella (my wife) is not impressed. Anyway, this is what I have been up to:

19th January. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Pruning figs safely
  • Pruning grapevines
  • Cutting back ornamental grasses
  • Pruning figs safely
  • Mulching with chickens

A well maintained fig tree is a joy: it not only looks good, but it provides you with hundreds of juicy figs. Unfortunately the majority of figs trees in gardens in Spain are large bulky behemoths that are far too big with fruit that is impossible to reach. Maintaining your fig tree is simple. If you have a young fig tree (less than 7 years old), then just prune to keep the tree trim and with an open centre. If however you have a large tree, or one that you want to keep manageable then I would recommend pruning to a “pollard”. When pollarding you take the tree right back to a few key branches then let it grow annually from these knuckles. Unfortunately you may lose fruit for the first year, but thereafter it will be much better.

I have two fig trees one that is pollarded and one that is espalied. The photos below show both trees when they are in full leaf. Click on each photo for a larger view.

The important point to remember when you are pruning figs is that they will weep a very caustic sap from their pruning wounds so you must not attempt to prune until January or February when the sap will have returned to the roots. Even then it is best to wear a long sleeve shirt, gloves and eye protectors.

The photos below show both of my figs with their leaves off and safe to prune.

The large free standing tree was pollarded a few years ago so all that I need to do is to take back this year’s growth to the knuckles. Using lopers, and secateurs I cut everything right back to knuckle, but be careful not to take it right back or you will breech the “collar” of the branch where the next growth comes from. Leave a centimetre or two.

The first photo below shows the structure of the knuckle, the second shows a knuckle pruned, and finally the tree cutback for another year and ready to burst into leaf in about a month.

Pruning the espalier tree is different. I want this to grow along the wall on the wires that I have trained it. So the main stem I have stopped growing and want no more upward growth. Neither do I want growth at the back against the wall, or any growth that goes to the right, as I am espaling to the left. In this case I trim all the side shoots back to the lead branches. The end result is shown in the photo below.

Pruning grapevines. Pruning grapevines is very similar to pruning espalied figs. You need to take all the side shoots away and take everything back to the main vine. I have three grapevines. One grows along the front of the house and is mainly ornamental as it gets mildew each year because of its position against the wall. The others grow along wires attached to balustrades and therefore have lots of air flow and ventilation. See photos below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

In each case I just move along the main stem taking out any side shoots and taking everything back to the one strong vine. The photos below show the vines pruned. You may be interested to note that I am using the large Euphorbia at the end to grow the vine through, hopefully this will be a nice feature in a couple of years.

Cutting back ornamental grasses. You have to be determined when cutting back ornamental grasses. You might think “well they don’t look too bad let’s leave it this year”. But if you are lenient then this years growth will soon fallback into a matted mess, that will not only look untidy, but will hinder this years new growth.

Cutting back grasses is simple, just use your hedge trimmer or shears to cut right back to a small mound shape. The photos below show one of my my grasses before and after its trim. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Shearing Lantana. Lantana are a perennial favourite in Spanish gardens. It is a reliable and hardy shrub that produces a continuous flow of lovely little flowers all summer. I prefer trailing Lantana and these do not need much pruning, but to keep them in shape you should shear around the outside to keep them neat. The first photos below show my main Lantanas ready for a trim, whilst the second shows them brought back into shape. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Mulching with chickens. If you have a compost bin, (and if not, why not?), then now is the time to start mulching your flower borders and under trees with your compost. If you don’t have your own compost then buy some from a garden centre. The benefits of mulching is that you replenish the micro organisms in your soil and generally enrich and enhance your growing medium. The photo below shows my composting area with a full bin and one in the process of being emptied.

This is a gardening gold mine

Normally I spread mulch under all my fruit trees, only to see the bloody chickens kick it all over the place. This year I had a great idea, instead of spreading the mulch I left it piled around the tree trunks and just as I hoped the chickens then spread it for me. The photos below show the chickens in action. Click on each photo for a larger view.

When I rushed in to tell Cruella (my wife) about my great idea, she said “you are exploiting my girls” and demanded reparations for slavery. I explained that they were enjoying it. Despite my explanation she stormed off furiously and called all the chickens together. Since then she has given all the chickens what she calls “slave names” and keeps muttering about the underground railway and heading north. As if all this wasn’t bad enough they have started chanting in chickenese what sounds like work songs. So far I can make out “Go Down Moses” and “Nobody Knows the Troubles I’ve Seen”.

Anyway the upshot of all this is that she demands I pay them a living wage. I agreed that they should benefit from their labour and promptly produced a plate of maggots from the compost. Cruella ran away screaming, but the chickens seemed pleased, if a little perplexed.

They are not singing now

Gathering seeds, composting leaves, cleaning up and the chickens go to the Ball

Now that is what you call a title, no messing around or euphemisms, you know exactly what you are getting in this blog post. It is the last real post before we begin the big winter cutback, so there is still lots to do. Added to this I have had the problem of Cruella (my wife) preparing the chickens for a Ball. Anyway on with the gardening.

12th December 2024. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Gathering seeds
  • Composting leaves
  • Last minute clean up jobs you need to do
  • Planting out cuttings
  • Cruella prepares the chickens for a Ball

Gathering seeds. Take a look around your garden at this time of year and you will find lots of seed heads and pods ripe for picking. If you pick them off now, store them to dry, and plant them next Spring, then you will have lots of lovely new plants for free. But what’s more you will be on your way to being a gardener rather than a shopper for plants.

You will have lots of different seed heads in your garden of all different types, just waiting for you to harvest them. To process the seeds is very simple.

  • Wait until your seed heads have completed their cycle, the flowers have died and fallen off and the seed pod that is left has gone fully dry and brown.
  • Cut the seed head off with your secateurs and if possible leave a little bit of stem.
  • Place the seed heads into a plain white envelopes, one for each type of seed, until you are ready to process them.
  • Depending on the type of seed pod, the process is more or less the same; carefully remove all the outer casing of the seed pod till you expose the seed. Pour this into the palm of your hand.
  • Gently blow across the seeds as you transfer them between your palms, this just removes any chaff.
  • Place the seeds in plain white envelopes by type with the name and year clearly written on the envelope and store them in a cool dark place (a drawer is fine).

The process is shown for Marigolds and Trumpet Vine in the photos below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Marigolds
Trumpet Vine
Ripe seed heads
Cruella took the photos I look younger in real life
Roll seedhead between your fingers
Gently blow away the chaff
Just split trumpet vine seed pods
Let the seeds flow into your hand
My seeds ready to be stored away safely for Spring planting

Composting leaves. Most gardens have a tree or two, and as we all know deciduous trees shed their leaves every Autumn. Now you can either see these fallen leaves as a mess that needs to be cleaned up, or, you can see the leaves as compost gold.

I have lots of pine trees, but their leaves whilst perfectly compostable over time, tend to produce an acid compost. So if you have lots of pine trees it is ok to add pine needles to your compost bin, but no more than 10% of each layer. However, if you have a deciduous tree, like my large Mulberry or even better a Fig with its large leaves then you are lucky. The photo below shows my Mulberry and one of my figs shedding their leaves. Click on each photo for a larger view.

You don’t have to wait till all the leaves are off your trees. Instead get into the habit of clearing the leaves once every two weeks. Just rake the leaves up into piles and then store them in plastic garden sacks. See photos below.

Leaves compost in a different way to normal compost, so don’t just add them to your compost bin. Store them in plastic sacks, but before you store them prick the sack with a fork in a number of places to allow for air circulation. You will need to store your sacks somewhere in your garden where they won’t be unsightly and where they do not get sun. See photos.

Your leaf compost will be ready in about a year, roughly the same time as you will be harvesting the next lot. You can cheat if you want. After about six months just pour the sack into your normal compost. It won’t be fully composted, but when you get to my age you go for quick wins.

Last minute clean up jobs you need to do. There is still a few little jobs you need to do before next month’s big cut back.

You can start by cleaning up fallen citrus fruit such as oranges and lemons. The recent high winds here in the Costa Blanca has meant we have lots of fallen fruit. If you leave this fruit on the ground for any length of time then you will get an active green mould growing on it. Left to itself this will release spores which are not very healthy for other plants or us. My efforts to stop a future plague are shown below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

If you have Fig trees that still have residual fruit, just take them off. Any fruit left on your trees will never mature and will only take strength away from the tree. With figs the sap will not yet have been drawn back into the roots so be careful you don’t get a sap burn.

Take all the fruits off
Look carefully and you can see the caustic sap seeping out.

Planting out cuttings. If you have any cuttings you have grown out, then now is a good time to get them in the ground. There is still warmth and moisture in the ground so it will not be a great shock.

I have grown a number of cuttings over the Spring and Summer. During the Summer I mostly just dot these around the garden in pots, just to see how they get on. By now I will have either put them into larger pots or if they have really performed then they go into the ground.

I have a problem area in one of my hedges where a Jasmine cutting is being very slow to grow to fill the gap left by a dead Hibiscus. The photo below shows the problem. From the photo you can see that there is Plumbago to its left and Pink Trumpet Vine to its right. The idea was that the Jasmine would grow and provide colour variety between these two.

In order to deal with this problem I have been growing a Trumpet Vine to add to my hedge. I like to keep hedges over planted and competing for space and light thereby guaranteeing more flowers. The Trumpet Vine has grown strongly during the Summer and now needs to go into the ground. The Jasmine has had its chance, now for some competition. The photo below shows the new gap filling contender.

I have trimmed it back ready for its transplantation. On a sad note, my lovely teapot confection on the pillar was blown over and smashed in the recent storm; Cruella is devastated.

When planting out make sure you do all the usual stuff like clear the area of any weeds or stones then dig a planting hole big enough not to cramp the roots. When you take the plant out of its pot make sure to tease out the roots so that they can be encouraged to reach into their new soil. Also, if possible sprinkle some Mycorrizhal rooting powder into the planting hole and onto the roots as this will definitely aid early root growth. The photos below show the process. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Cruella prepares her chickens for a Ball. It all started when Cruella (my wife) read a magazine article about Queen Charlottes Ball where debutantes are presented and come out into society. She breathlessly told me that this was just the sort of opportunity her girls needed, and if they could only come out formally she would be the happiest mother alive – I have given up explaining that she is not their mother.

Despite my explaining that Queen Charlotte’s Ball was not for chickens, she refused to accept this and began looking up Finishing Schools in Switzerland. I only averted her flying to Switzerland by persuading her that it would be far better if she prepared the girls for “finishing” at home.

It has been almost a month now and every day has been filled with Cruella schooling her girls in all sorts of arcane skills and manners. They start most mornings with “dining etiquette”, this involves politely pecking at their food, not pecking each other and definitely no eating worms. This is followed by “elocution”, to be honest as it is all in chickenese, I have no real idea what they are saying. They all cluck away as Cruella nods enthusiastically, but it does sound a bit like “how now brown cow” but in chickenese.

The afternoons are spent in “deportment, dance and formal bowing”. It is quite fascinating, especially if you have never seen a chicken walk up and down with a book on its head. Dance is my favourite as Cruella stands in the middle of the lawn playing Mozart on her phone whilst shouting out the timings. Despite her best efforts the chickens gyrate wildly in a figure of eight in front of her and all end up colliding and fighting.

I am involved in the formal bowing part. I have to sit on a chair pretending to be the King whilst Cruella acting as a Herald formally calls each of her girls forward and introduces them to me. Each bird has a new sash in soft pink silk and they formally approach me and bow. From my perspective though the whole effect is ruined by them poohing on my shoes. The photo below shows a dancing lesson in action.

The music was Mozart – Ascanio in Alba, the dancing was appalling

Don’t cutback yet! Just tidy up and get ready. Cruella meanwhile has left me for the farmers

Now that we are into autumn and most flowering plants have died back and everything else is looking scraggly and scruffy, don’t be tempted to start cutting back. The recent much needed rain and the very warm autumn have meant that everything is having one last little burst of life.

If you cutback now you will stop all of God’s goodness being drawn back into the roots, bulbs, corms and rhizomes of your various plants. Your plants strength and growth next summer all depends on it drawing every last bit of goodness from its sap and leaves etc down into itself. Cut now and your plants will not fulfill their full, potential next year.

Instead of cutting back spend your time wandering round your garden tidying everything up and planning for next year. I have been happily pottering round the garden as Cruella (my wife) has flown off to support the British Farmers (Chicken Section) more of this later. But here is some of the stuff I have been doing.

25th November 2024. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Continue to clear up leaves
  • Remove suckers from your citrus trees
  • Trim standards
  • Tie back Canna and any other floppy plants
  • Get ready to cut yucca
  • Finish your lawn tasks
  • Cruella has left me for the farmers

Continue to clear up leaves. I know it sounds obvious and I keep telling you to do it, but it is important. If you leave leaves and let them settle in the gravelled areas of your garden, then they break down and present a perfect mulch for pernicious weeds. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! The photos below show my regular clean up efforts. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Remove suckers from your citrus trees. Nearly all of you have citrus trees, and people constantly ask me how to improve their crop. The best ways are correct pruning – but I will discuss that in the Spring, the next best way is to feed regularly during the blossom season, and last but not least remove all suckers on a regular basis. Suckers are those little bright green stems you find poking out of the trunk of your citrus trees, especially at this time of year. Suckers will divert your trees growth potential away from the main trunk and thereby weaken your tree.

You need to remove these by simply pulling straight down on the sucker stem as close to the trunk of your tree as possible. They will come away easily, but if you are not careful others will pop up, so you need to look at your trees weekly. The photos below show you examples of suckers on my trees and how to get rid of them. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Trim standards. If you have standards, then now is the time to give them the last trim of the year. The overall aim is to leave them in their basic shape so that they suddenly don’t get away from you next Spring. The photos below show my standards before and after their last trim. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Just a light trim nothing drastic.

Tie back Canna and any other floppy plants. It hasn’t been a good year for Cannas. The lack of early rain meant that their rhizomes (ugly bulbs) did not swell or develop new growth nodes. Most of my Cannas have been quite weedy and stunted. Just because your Cannas look all floppy and unsightly, don’t cut them back.

Instead you need to roughly tie them up and keep them in place until they have fully withered and gone completely brown. This will allow the last bits of goodness to be extracted down into the rhizomes ready for a better effort next year. The photos below show my Cannas tied up and ready for the chop, probably in January. Notice the lurking chickens, they have been tasked with spying on me. Click on each photo for a larger view.

They will get messy and embarrassing, but hang on in there no cutting till January.

Get ready to cut yucca. Everyone in Spain has Yucca, and sometimes they let them get so out of hand that they begin to resemble a large tree. Yucca are a good addition to any Spanish garden as they give shape, structure and sometimes drama. But if you want to get the best out of your yucca then you need to keep it appropriately proportioned to your garden, and a size where the flower spikes are not 20ft in the air where nobody can see them.

Don’t cut your Yucca yet, just think about it. What I mean by this is, it is a good idea to wander round envisioning what you want your yucca to look like. If you just cut before planning you will undoubtedly live to regret it. Yucca can sometimes be quite slow growing so you will have to live with your mistake for about a year.

I will be cutting my Yucca over the Christmas holiday when I can press gang my idiot son to help me. But as a preview the photos below show the yuccas I am currently thinking about. Click on each photo for a larger view.

These will be cut back at various levels to give added interest.

Finish your lawn tasks. I know not many of you have lawns. And yes, I know I am stupid having a lawn in Spain. But I can’t help it, it’s a man thing. My lawn suffered terrible depredations in our long summer drought and was reduced to desert. I even thought about abandoning a lawn all together and had begun designing other options.

However, the lawn has stayed, I top dressed the whole thing, fed it copiously and selectively weeded it. It is not perfect, I still have one largish bare patch, but I will do some more work in the spring, but at least I now don’t cry myself to sleep at night. The photos below show the current condition of the lawn. Click on each photo for a larger view.

My bald patch, it matches the one on my head.

Cruella has left me for the farmers. Last week Cruella (my wife) suprised me by suddenly announcing “the farmers need me, I have to go back”, normally I don’t really listen to what she says so at first I thought she said “Fur-murs”. I was wracking my brain for what a furry Mur would look like and why it would need Cruella, when she noticed my blank look of incomprehension.

Mistaking my look for concern – when really my heart was singing at my planned hours of undisturbed gardening – she said “farmers you idiot”, but don’t worry, I have asked the girls to keep an eye on you. Instantly my heart sank because I knew that what she really meant was “don’t try anything because the chickens will be watching you”. It is a little known fact that the East German Stasi used chickens to spy on their population.

Anyway, the upshot is that Cruella (my wife) flew off the other day dressed in a full chicken suit to take part in the national farmers demonstration in the UK. She assures me that she will be leading the Chicken Section on the protest march. She carried with her a load of placards that she and her girls had made with lots of protest slogans including:

  • “Our lives aren’t cheep
  • “Fowl play must end”
  • “We egg-spect better”

In the meantime I have been left with the chickens. They follow me everywhere, watch everything I do, and I think they have bugged the house. Even when I stop for a cup of tea, they silently sit and watch. To be honest I am finding it a bit unnerving. The photo below shows the problem.

If you look carefully their eyes glow red, and I am sure they have an antenna hidden in the Dame de Noche

I prepare the garden for the autumn and Cruella holds a Chickens for Trump rally

Well it’s that time of the year again when we begin the slow process of winding down the garden for the year. However, just because the flowers have stopped coming and most of the fruit is now in, don’t think you can let up, there is still so much to do.

I am still working on my lawn , but as yet, it is not fit to be seen in public, maybe in the Spring. In the meantime I still have major chicken problems mainly involving digging, scratching and intimidating me by staring. But things have taken a strange turn as Cruella (my wife) has started holding chickens for Trump rallies! Ah well, more later, let’s get on with the gardening.

18th October 2024. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Harvesting the last of the summer fruits.
  • Autumn planting
  • Don’t forget these autumn jobs
  • Cruella holds chickens for Trump rallies

Harvesting the last of the summer fruits. Most of the summer fruits have gone now and we await the citrus fruits from December. But here in the Costa Blanca there is still a few fruits we can harvest:

Loofahs. I only grow loofahs for their cosmetic purposes. Once harvested and prepared they can be used as a skin defoliant whilst showering. Normally I make a small fortune this time of year selling loofahs to Cruella’s coven. They highly prize them for their ability to remove warts from their noses. However, the crop of loofahs this year has been terrible. The photo below shows my paltry crop ready for harvesting. Click on each photo for a larger view.

They had too much sun
Watered every day and fertilised once per week and this is my reward

Neverthless, don’t let this put you off, loofahs are a lovely crop with lots of little yellow flowers and usually a crop of up to 10 loofahs per plant. Loofahs are simple to process.

  • When the pods are completely brown, dry and wrinkled (Cruella just looked over my shoulder and asked if I was writing about her); shake each pod and you should hear the seeds rattling inside. If so they are ready to harvest.
  • Using your secateurs cut off each pod leaving about 1 inch of stem attached.
  • Holding the pod upright, use your thumb to press against the stem and the top will pop off Leaving a neat hole at the top of the pod.
  • Turn the pod over and pour the many seeds into the palm of your hand. This is next years crop.
  • Once the seeds have been successfully harvested take the pod in both hands and gently crush it. This will cause the skin to crack and break open. You then just need to peel the skin away to reveal your lovely loofah. Store this in a drawer and each one can be used for about three months in your bathroom as a skin defoliant.
  • Lastly store all your seeds in a paper envelope and keep ina dark place till next year.

The photos below show this process in action. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Persimmons. Persimmons are a lovely juicy sweet fruit about the size of an apple normally, but this year, the size of a tomato. The birds love this fruit so you have to net and pick the crop daily. Luckily persimmon is one of those fruits that happily continue ripening after picking.

All you need to do is beat the birds to them every day, then just wash them and place them in the fridge. Use them daily, either eat them on their own or add them to your breakfast cereal, either way they are lovely.

The photos below show my persimmons happily washed and then nestling in my fridge ready for use. Spookily if you look carefully at the fridge photo you can see the face of Donald Trump smiling up at you. This is because Cruella (my wife) has purchased lots of Donald Trump chocolate bars which she uses in her “chickens for Trump rallies”. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Pomegranate. Pomegranates are really the last of my summer crops and I don’t really get many of them. In Spain, pomegranates are the most valued summer cash crop. Over the years I have tried many a routine aimed at retrieving the seeds to eat, but by far the best way is as follows:

  • Cut the pomegranate in half.
  • Hold the cut side down in the palm of your hand over a bowl.
  • Bash the round half of the fruit with a heavy wooden spoon
  • Let the seeds fall between your fingers into the bowl. Keep bashing till you have them all.

The photos below show my paltry crop and the process for retrieving the seeds. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Autumn planting. If you have taken some cuttings and you have grown them on, or if you have been to the garden centre and bought lots of plants, then now is the time to plant them out. The extreme heat of the summer has gone, but there is still plenty of warmth both in the air and the soil.

In the Costa Blanca we have a growth window between now and December when you can put plants in the ground or repot and you will still get some growth before everything more or less stops for the Winter. If possible try and stand your new plants in the area where you intend to plant them for at least a couple of days to see how they acclimatise.

My usual planting regime includes:

  • Watering thoroughly the new plants or cuttings the night before.
  • Digging the planting hole at least twice the size of the new plants roots.
  • Filling the planting hole with water and letting it drain.
  • Using Mycorrhizal fungi sprinkled on the roots (not essential but helpful).
  • Firming the new plant in with fresh compost and watering thoroughly.

The photos below show the planting process for some Swedish Ivy cuttings that I have been growing on for a couple of months. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Don’t forget these autumn jobs. In the rush to close your garden up for winter, don’t forget these two important jobs:

Feed all your plants in pots and maybe include a few of your favourites that are in the ground. By feeding them now you will be ensuring that they will still have some oomph (an old English gardening term) as they slowly subside into their period of non growth. In addition to feeding them add a little bit of Iron to each watering can just to stop them taking Chlorosis into the winter.

Lastly, don’t forget to take any nets off of tree or bushes you may have placed them on to save your fruit. Nets left on will definitely snare a few little birds as they search around for winter food. Photo aide memoir below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Cruella holds chickens for Trump rallies. Cruella (my wife) has always been interested in politics, but usually she has stuck to British politics. Lately however, things have taken a strange turn and she has started following USA politics in general, and Donald Trump and the Republicans in particular.

This mania all started when someone told her that Donald Trump likes chickens. This knowledge made her determined that her and her girls would do all in their power to secure Trumps election to the Presidency. No matter what I tell her, she is convinced that she will have a vote in the elections and that when elected Mr Trump will support chicken emancipation and universal chicken suffrage.

I am only telling you all this because it is radically affecting my gardening. Every morning she holds a chickens for Trump rally and they march up and down the garden singing “Born in the USA” and “Eye of the Tiger”. This is followed by Cruella insisting that all the chickens drink out of her Trump mug. I consistently refused and stuck with my tea till she sent Helga to stop me by sitting on my teapot. The photos below show the latest idiocy. Click on each photo for a larger view.

The rally starts
Cruella toasting Trump
Helga joins in
Cruella made me send this photo to Trump for him to sign
Helga blockades my teapot

Pruning, trimming, a Blackbird broke my heart and Cruella has entered the chicken Olympics

I have been away, I know I didn’t tell you, but I just slip away and creep back, it is best for the garden. If Cruella (my wife) knows I am away she takes down all my chicken defences and dances around the garden with her girls shouting about freedom and chicken rights. She told me she that she sees her self as a latter day Isadora Duncan whilst being an admirer of Just Stop Oil, chicken division.

When I crept back in after a week away she said “where have you been?”. I told her I had just been down by the compost bins and she nodded ok. She then casually informed me she was preparing for the Olympics; anyway, on with the gardening, more later.

29th June 2024. Things I have been doing lately:

  • Taking fig cuttings
  • Planting out loofahs
  • Trimming back to encourage new growth
  • Trumpet vine and the Blackbird
  • The chicken Olympics

Taking fig cuttings. By now your fig tree should be putting on leaf and fruit at a great pace. This means there will lots of lush green growth which is ideal for taking cuttings. If you fancy a new fig tree for free, or would like to donate one to a friend, then now is the time to take a few cuttings.

I must warn you that when taking fig cuttings at this time of year you have to be very careful of the white sap that will weep from the cut wound as this will be very caustic and can give you a nasty burn. But taking this into account and dressed accordingly in long sleeved T shirt and wearing gloves, all you need to do is select a lush non fruiting stem and cut just below a leaf node. See photo below.

Try and take a number of cuttings as this will give you a better chance of success. Once you have all your cuttings, take them back to your potting bench and remove all the leaves apart from a couple at the end of each stem. See photo below.

Once you have trimmed your cuttings up, leave them for a couple of hours in the shade so that the dripping sap can dry up. Once the sap has dried dip the end of each cutting into hormone rooting powder or liquid (this is not essential, but it helps). Plant each of the cuttings around the edge of a six inch pot, I usually plant four to a pot, but it is up to you. Finally place your potted cuttings in the shade on your potting bench and wait. Most will die, but hopefully some will sprout new leaves and give you a future fig tree. The first photo below shows the stems being dipped in rooting liquid, whilst the second shows the new cuttings in their new home ready to go into shade for a few weeks. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Planting out loofahs. Those of you who came to my open garden day were given some loofah seeds to plant, and hopefully you did? Loofahs are lovely plants, an annual that grows quickly as a climber, has lovely yellow flowers and as an end product you have a loofah to use in your shower as an exfoliant. What is not to like; Cruella’s Coven swears by my loofahs wart removing powers.

I planted some loofah seeds some time ago and it is now time to pot them on. The photo below shows my little seedlings ready for a new home.

The secret to success when potting on loofahs, is to recognise that they really don’t like their roots to be disturbed. I plant them two to a 9 inch pot, but before planting them I place each of the pots into the new pot and build compost around them, then I gently ease out the loofah beforecarefully slotting it into its newly prepared home. The first photo below shows them being prepared for their new pot, whilst the second shows the strong root growth after only a few weeks. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Finally a couple of photos of their quick growth. Each plant can grow up to 10 to 15ft and give you 8 or more fruits. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Trimming back to encourage new growth. By now most plants will have flowered and will happily go to seed if you let them. But if you want flushes of new flowers all summer, then don’t let them. Both perennials and annuals can benefit from deadheading and trimming.

I have been deadheading roses daily for the past couple of months, but as yet have not started on the Marigolds. But look for those perennials that flower in a flush. Don’t bother with secateurs for flowers that all come at once; instead get your shears out and give them a hair cut.

The photos below show some of the plants I have been shearing starting with one of the most unusual “spiral grass”. Click on each photo for a larger view.

If you have multi head sunflowers, then take off the individual heads as they die back. But don’t forget to let the final flower head go to seed for the birds.

One of my favourites is the lovely Fairy Fan Flower. It flowers all in one rush and after the bloom has gone off trim all the flowers and you will get a second flush. The photos below show the plant after its trim and the successful second flush just coming through. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Gaura is another of those plants that benefit from the complete flush of flowers being taken off. Gaura, like Lavender, does not like you cutting too deep into the wood so just take off the flowers and the first bit of green. The cutback Gaura shown below will soon give me another lovely flush of flower spikes. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Trumpet vine and the Blackbird. Each year I take seeds from my Trumpet Vines and carefully set them aside to grow them in the Spring. Every year to date the seeds have failed; mainly my fault. But this year I eventually managed to get eight through to the seedling stage. When I came to prick them out and pot them on, I bought the best compost, mixed it with Perlite and prepared 4 inch pots for each seedling . This painstaking process can be seen in the photos below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Once I completed this task I wandered into the house to boast to Cruella about my success. I swear I was in the house no more than 5 minutes before I went back to the potting bench. As I turned the corner to the potting bench I caught a flash of black wing before my eyes fell on the devastation. A blackbird had dug up all my new seedlings and thrown them around.

Crying out with anguish I rushed back into the house to ask Cruella if she knew anything about this. That must be “Shadowstrike” she said, “I told him he could play in the garden”. The devastation left by the stupid bird can be seen in the photo below. To make matters worse he now follows me round the garden smirking.

The chicken Olympics. It appears that whilst I was away Cruella (my wife) became concerned that her girls appear to be getting fat. At first she blamed it on ultra processed foods and has written to the WHO complaining. Then she lighted on the fact that wonder drugs can stop obesity, and tried to order Wegovy and Ozempic. The vet refused to prescribe them as he said she just needs to cut back their food. She stormed out shouting that she would not put up with fat shaming and would be reporting him to Weight Watchers.

Anyway, the end result is that she has started to train the chickens for the Paris Olympics. She has already written to the IOCC (International Olympic Chicken Committee). I told her chickens are not allowed in the Olympics, but she just said I was stupid and should just stick to gardening.

Cruella has bought herself a whistle, megaphone and stop watch and the chickens are now trained every morning. They start with leg stretches, which I entitled the “drumstick roll. This is followed by running around the garden in circles whilst chanting improving slogans in Chickenese. Their coop is plastered with self improvement slogans such as

  • Be best chicken you can be
  • Cluck your best and the rest will follow
  • Feathers high, spirits higher
  • Every day is a chance to spread your wings
  • Beneath every feather beats a strong heart
  • Find your flock, lead with pride

The photos below show you some of their early morning training sessions. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Early morning run
Bertha taking a short cut
Little brown one is last
Chicken licken posing for the podium
Exhaustion
The podium
Tango at the start of training
Tango at the end of training

After two weeks of training and exhortation she asked me how I thought they looked. I said “they are still fat”. I’m sleeping in the shed with Tango the lonely blind Labrador and the big rat.

Seeds, seedlings, greenfly and other pests + a new big rat and his best friend the snake

Well summer is certainly getting going and what is left of my seedlings are growing well. All round the garden is looking ok apart from the chicken destroyed lawn. I was just settling down for a summer of steady gardening when all hell broke loose. I have a new big rat in the compost bin and this time he has brought a snake to back him up.

The presence of the rat and the snake has sent Cruella (my wife) into a frenzy of chicken health and safety; culminating in me and Tango the lonely blind Labrador having to mount night patrols. Anyway, more of this later, on with the gardening.

2nd May 2024. Things I have been doing lately:

  • another successful Open Garden Day
  • dealing with the last of seeds and seedlings
  • tidying up Bird of Paradise
  • keeping a look out for pests
  • keeping up with composting
  • dealing with the big rat, the snake and Cruella’s hysteria

Another successful Open Garden Day. Regular readers of this blog will know that I organise an Open Garden Day every year in my village of Campoverde. The basic idea is that some local people will open their garden for a day to the general public. Everything is free and all that is asked is a small voluntary donation to our Church’s work with young people. The photos below show me in action together with a look at the other gardens so you know what you missed. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Dealing with the last of seeds and seedlings. By now all your seeds should have germinated and most things should be in the ground in the next couple of weeks. However, I have been dealing with a few stragglers.

Loofahs. I love loofahs as they are such a joyous simple to grow plant with lovely yellow flowers and at the end of it all you get your own home made exfoliant. Loofahs are simple to grow. Just place a seed on top of compost in a four inch pot, push the seed down into the compost to the depth of your finger nail, and that is it.

Keep them watered and in full sun and in a couple of weeks after germination transfer to a 12 inch pot to grow on. The photos show the start of the seed process followed by the fast growing seedlings two weeks later. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Sunflowers. One of the other annual gardening events that I organise is the “Campoverde Sunflower Challenge”. This again is a fund raiser for the Church and is an idea you can perhaps consider copying in your area.

It is a simple process. For 5 euros I provide entrants with an envelope containing two Sunflower seeds (giant variety) and all the instructions on when and how to plant them. The instructions stipulate when the closing date will be and the measuring method. I send out monthly updates with photos of progress and the eventual winner gets glory and a mention in the local press.

To ensure there is no cheating, I change the Sunflower variety every year and I grow two test seedlings to ensure nobody sneakily plants too soon. In addition to the Sunflower Challenge why not try growing some mini sunflowers, they are a delight. The photos below shows my two test seedlings coming along nicely, followed by a photo of some of my mini sunflowers. Strangely the sunflower growing beside the minis came from the same packet, obviously a flower from another father – I will love her just the same. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Tidying up Bird of Paradise. Bird of Paradise (Strelitzia Reginae) is a very popular plant in Spain. Which normally can be trouble free once you get it flowering. People are always asking me when will my plant flower. It is simple, the plant itself can take up to 5 years before it decides to flower. Sometimes it is quicker in a pot as it does not mind being a bit pot bound.

My large stand of Bird of Paradise has reliably flowered for years. It is fed and watered at the correct times and it normally rewards me with a continuous flush of flowers from Spring onwards. However, over the last few months it has been curiously droopy and looked rather untidy. So it was time to go in and have a look. The photos below show my starting point. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Once established Bird of Paradise do not object to pruning. The simplest method when you are tidying up is to go round the plant cutting any drooping or diseased stems right to the ground. When I was doing this I discovered the reason for the overall droopiness. Something was rotting the stems at the base and proceeding up the plant. The photos below show my newly cutback plant together with the mysterious problem. I am still investigating, but any advice would be welcome. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Keeping a look out for pests. Don’t forget that as your garden begins to bloom so you will get a build up of pests. This is where you have to be clever and admit your age, it is time to put on your glasses! Most pest build ups start very small with just a few insects such as greenfly hiding under the odd leaf. However, if you don’t notice this it can rapidly build up to a major infestation which, whilst it may not kill your plant, it will make it unsightly.

The photos below show the need for me to put my glasses on sooner. You must treat these infestations as soon as you see them. I will leave the method up to you. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Blighted Dame de Noche
Suffering pomegranate

Keeping up with composting. As the summer progresses, so you will be continually cutting back and generating green waste. I have waxed lyrical many times in this blog on the benefits of composting. And I will do a “composting special” later in the year – be still my beating heart. But for now keep loading your compost up in layers and keep it moist and use an accelerator. Also make sure that you tread your compost down to keep it relatively compact with not too much air between layers. The photos below show my compost treading in action. I sing old composting songs as I work. Click on each photo for a larger view.

You put your left leg in
Left leg out
In out, in out shake it all about

Dealing with the big rat, the snake and Cruella’s hysteria. It all started when I went down to the compost bins one morning and opened the lid. There staring straight at me was the big rat. My first impression – I have to admit – was that he was a good looking rat; big eyes and lovely eye lashes. As I quietly closed the lid both the big rat and I knew this was not going to end well for him.

In the past when Tango the lonely blind Labrador was young, and accompanied by his brother Nero, the big rat would have faced an untimely end. But given Tango’s obvious problems this was impossible so unfortunately the big rat had to be poisoned. I have nothing against rats per se. However, rats can introduce bacteria and pathogens such as Salmonella and Leptospira into your compost, and that is not good.

I set about my normal process of gradually poisoning the big rat, but, that was when I discovered the big snake. Standing by the compost bins one afternoon he shot out from the bottom of the bin door straight through my legs. A day later I found him sunning himself on the compost bin lids before disappearing into the bin. The photos below shows the big snake and an idealised photo of the big rat.

The snake will not be harmed
The same cannot be said for the big rat

It was at this point I thought it important to warn Cruella (my wife) of the existence of the big rat and the snake. I should have realised this was a mistake. No sooner had I told her than she instantly flew into hysterics crying out “my girls, my girls they are in danger”. She then insisted that a comprehensive plan for chicken protection should be put in place.

This has involved proactively patrolling the compost bin area by Tango the lonely blind Labrador and me, every hour on the hour. She has placed leggings on all the chickens made out of tin foil to protect them from snake bites and little tin foil collars to protect them from rat bites. In addition she has asked me to dig a moat around their coop – I have refused. When I told her no to the moat she then fell back on her normal tactic of threatening to report me to organisations and authorities that she insists are real, but I know she makes them up. So far she has told me I am in big trouble with the following agencies:

  • ICCJ: International Court of Chicken Justice
  • BBC: British Board of Chickens
  • RSPCA: Royal Sociaty for the Prevention of Chicken Attacks
  • UNESCO: United Nations Economic Social Chicken Organisation
  • National Trust: Chicken Section
  • RCA: Royal Chicken Academy

When her various threats failed, she hinted that she may nominate me for a Chicken Nobel prize if I would just dig the moat. But I don’t even believe there is a prize for chickens, is there?

It’s mulch wars and I am forced to pay a maggot ransom

Hooray it’s Spring, Cruella (my wife) has flown off to our English house and I am free to merrily prepare the garden for summer unhindered. I started going about my tasks with joy in my heart a spring in my step and a glint in my eye, but unfortunately things soon took a dark turn and I have become a victim of serious garden chicken crime. Anyway more of that later, on with the gardening.

11th March 2024. Things I have been doing lately:

There are a number of jobs we need to be getting on with in Spring.

  • Lift and separate Cannas
  • Guarding against Palm Weevils
  • Applying mulch to flower beds
  • Fighting and losing the mulch wars

Lift and separate Cannas. I call this the Wonderbra treatment – I recognise this is both accurate and sexist. If you grow cannas then you will know that they are delightful plants that provide wonderful flower spikes that add height and drama to any garden. Unfortunately here in Spain drought is taking a toll on canna rhizomes (ugly bulbs) as they are drying up and failing to thrive. Normally you can happily leave cannas in the soil and the rhizomes will gradually multiply and provide you with more plants.

However, by this time of year I should have been seeing the first shoots of my cannas poking through, but when they failed to reveal themselves I have had to dig them up, separate them and give them a good drink before replanting them. Luckily my friend Pip has regifted back to me some cannas I had previously given to her, so I was able to replenish my stock. The first photo shows my cannas ready for some work followed by them having a drink by soaking for 24 hours in a trug before replanting. Click on each photo for a larger view.

When replanting canna, they need to be planted shallowly in rich but free draining compost. Where there are shoots from the rhizomes these need to be left poking from the soil. The photos below show the planting process. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Guarding against Palm Weevils. The problem of Palm weevils won’t really mean that much to those of you who don’t live in Spain. But, if you live in Spain and you have Phoenix palms, then you dread the advent of palm weevil season. For those of you who are mere disinterested bystanders the photo below shows the culprit together with its malignant grub.

The modus operandi of this weevil is to lay its eggs at the base of Phoenix palm fronds. When hatched into grubs, they merrily chomp their way up inside the fronds and in most cases destroying the tree. The weevil can be treated by spraying the crown of the palm with a proprietary chemical, but there are two main problems with this. Firstly, unless you know what you are looking for, the weevil grubs can remain undetected until it is too late. Secondly, many palm trees are much to tall for the normal gardener to reach the crown and therefore require specialist contractors.

You can guard against Palm weevils. The easiest way is not to cut your palms between the end of March and October. The adult weevil flys only in the hot months, and I am assured by experts that it can smell a cut palm frond from a very long distance.

In addition to not cutting my palms at certain times, I have drilled holes into the centre of my very large palms into which I drip a chemical during the summer months which allows the sap to take the chemical to the palm crown making it a poisonous environment for Palm weevils. If you want to find out more about this method then just use the search bar on this blog to search for Palm weevils as I have covered this in detail in past posts. The photos below show my poisoning technique in action, followed by some photos of some of my newly cut palms. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Applying mulch to flower beds. I have waxed lyrical in the past about the importance of compost to the soil of all Gardens. A good friable soil rich in nutrients and natural enzymes is the perfect medium in which all plants will thrive. Compost bought from garden centres will have been violently heat treated to kill off weed seeds, which in turn can damage or destroy the micro nutrients. So if you possibly can set yourself up a compost bin or two. The photo below shows my compost bins in action.

Applying a deep mulch to your flower beds at this time of the year will remarkably improve even the most depleted of soils. There are three basic stages to mulching:

  1. Hoe the flower beds to remove all weeds
  2. Water profusely
  3. Apply a thick mulch of compost at least 2 inches thick

If you haven’t got your own compost then buy a good one from a garden centre, or if you prefer use shredded bark (though this will not instantly improve the soil). The photos below show my flower beds in the process of being mulched. Notice in the last photo some of the big fat worms from my compost making their way into the soil, you only get this benefit by making your own compost. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Fighting and losing the mulch wars. Who would have thought that an innocent activity such as mulching could be the cause of so much grief. I mentioned earlier that Cruella (my wife) had flown off to our English house to continue her nurturing of our idiot son. I had been left in charge of Tango the lonely blind Labrador and the bloody chickens.

As you can imagine this caused immense resentment by the chickens who refused to accept my authority, wouldn’t go to bed at night, ate junk food and continually swore at me in Chickenese (or at least I think they were). Cruella also insisted that I left my IPad in their coop on FaceTime so that she could could converse with them at all times.

At first this didn’t bother me I happily got on with mulching around all my fruit trees accompanied by Tango the lonely blind Labrador. The photo below shows all my trees lovingly mulched.

However, no sooner had I completed the mulching and retired indoors for a nice cup of tea, when I heard loud chicken squawking. I emerged to the terrible sight of the chickens frolicking under the trees and kicking my newly completed mulch all over the place. The photos below show the extent of the venal criminality. Click on each photo for a larger view.

I managed to scare them off with my water pistol (which is in breach of the restraining order Cruella took out against me) I was assisted by Tango the lonely blind Labrador who did his best running around barking and banging into trees. I could see the seething resentment in the chickens little eyes and I knew this wouldn’t be the end of it.

What happened next is like something from a horror film. The next morning I emerged to find that my mini greenhouse had been knocked over and all my lovingly planted seedlings had been destroyed. The photo below fails to convey the anguish and sense of loss; it was so bad that I even mentioned it in Church at the end of a sermon. Anyway I knew it was them as there were feathers everywhere.

I phoned Cruella (my wife) straight away to confront her but she completely refuted any suggestion that her girls were involved. She then asked for privacy so that she could have a FaceTime conversation with her girls. They all trooped off to the coop and emerged smirking 10 minutes later (I’ve told you before chickens really can smirk). A few minutes later the phone rang and it was Cruella (my wife) she told me that her girls had denied any involvement, but they had said that if I would supply them with maggots from the compost bins then they would keep an eye on my mini greenhouse to ensure nothing happens in the future. I complained that this was blackmail but she merely replied that this was “mulch ado about nothing” which she thought was hilarious.

The upshot of all this is that I have been paying a ransom of maggots every day since. If ever I forget to give them some, then one of them goes up and makes a big show of just bumping into the mini greenhouse ‘by accident’. The photos below show me paying the daily ransom. Click on each photo for a larger view.