Tag: nature

The big winter cutback Part 4: The terror of trees and I am referred to a Tribunal accused of making the sky fall in!

So this is it we have finally reached the end of the big winter cutback. It has taken about a month and I have left the worst till last. Regular readers of this blog will know that I always finish the cutback by tackling my large Ficus tree. I cut out the centre of this tree about 10 years ago to make a pleasing donut shape, but the tree has never forgiven me and takes every opportunity to do me harm. To be honest it comes second only to Cruella (my wife) in threatening my existence. I have fallen out of it, had branches fall on me, it has made me bleed, bashed and concussed me on numerous occasions.

And now you know why I leave this task to the very end. I have to work up my courage through extra physical exercises, primal scream therapy and I channel my inner Robert De Niro every time I look at the tree by shouting loudly “you looking at me…”. But it knows I am afraid despite all my braggadocio, I can see it smirk.

Anyway as if all that wasn’t bad enough Cruella (my wife) confronted me after my struggles with the tree and presented me with what she said was a writ, which she later said was a warrant. Anyway, whatever it was she just flashed this piece of paper in front of me and said it was official. But to be honest all I could see was some gobble-de-gook in her handwriting with a drawing of a chicken in the corner. Hey-ho more later, on with the gardening.

6th February 2004. Things I have been doing lately

Reshaping the little Weeping Fig. By way of warming up before the battle with the big Ficus, I decided to reshape my little weeping fig tree. Lots of people in Spain have these variegated weeping figs in their garden. They are lovely little trees that give colour and interest to even the smallest garden. However, because they are slow growing they can just sit there and be forgotten about.

To make them interesting you should consider cloud pruning them in to various shapes. Remembering that they are slow growing so don’t be too drastic and do it over a few years. The photo below shows the little fig with its trunk exposed (which I did a few years ago).

As it was time for its annual prune and I decided to prune back the lower growth with the eventual aim of having two pom poms of leaf with exposed trunk below and in the middle. The photo below shows the end result. I think it is quite fetching.

The battle with the big Ficus. The trouble with this annual battle is that I am getting older, smaller and weaker, whilst the tree is similarly getting older, but at the same time getting bigger and stronger. How long I can continue I don’t know, but I do know that if you show fear to rabid dogs or large trees then you are finished.

I always start this task the same way; I get Cruella (my wife) to take various picture of me posing in bravura poses in and around the tree. Then I assemble the various tools that I will need and leave them close to the tree to try and psyche it out. The photos below show the big tree in all its malevolence followed by my efforts at psyching it out. Click on each photo for a larger view.

I start the process by using my long reach electric trimmers to walk around the circumference of the tree gradually bringing the sides back into shape. The tree of course responds with ill will by continually dropping things onto my head and into my eyes. I keep my spirits up be singing hymns as I march round and round – onward Christian Soldiers is a favourite. The tree responds by moaning “the trees of the field”. The end of the first phase can be seen in the photos below. Click on each photo for a larger view.

The next, and most dangerous phase, involves climbing up into the tree, pruning the top flat and redefining the central donut. The photos below show me in the tree, this time I’m singing “nearer my God to thee”. The tree was singing “the fall of man how deep and great”. Click on each photo for a larger view.

The ascent of man
I know you can’t see me but I am standing in the middle of the tree cutting away.

After it was all over my final act is to place the Cheshire Cat back into the centre of the tree.

The Cheshire Cat smiles for another year.

My appearance before the Tribunal. After all the highs and excitement of conquering the big tree for another year, you can only imagine my disappointment at being confronted by Cruella and her supposed writ/warrant. What it all came down to was that her chickens had complained that my activities in the big tree was making the sky fall in as things kept landing on their heads. To back this up she showed me the photos below as evidence. Click on each photo for a larger view.

When I complained that she had been reading her chickens the bedtime story of Chicken Licken which has exactly the same plot when the sky supposedly falls in on Henny Penny. She drew her self up to her full height thrust her hand out into my face and shouted loudly “always believe the chicken and not the hetro-normative establishment”.

Anyway she insisted there had to be a trial. Her jury consisted of the chickens. I was not allowed to call any witnesses in my own defence. When I tried to call big Bertha her biggest chicken as a witness on my behalf, there was a sudden cacophony of noise from all the chickens (in chickenese of course). Cruella then accused me of dead naming Bertha who now goes by the name Bert. As I looked across at Bertha I knew I had messed up as she was now sporting a waistcoat and smoking a pipe.

Well it was all down hill from there. Cruella called a whole range of witnesses including: Cocky-Locky, Ducky-Lucky, Goosey-Loosey and Turkey-Lurkey all of whom damned me in no uncertain terms. The end result is that I have been found guilty of a hate crime and sent into exile at our English house for a few weeks.

The big winter cutback Part 3: and I am referred to a Tribunal accused of making the sky fall in!

Well by now most of you should have just about completed your big winter cutback and this is my penultimate instalment of my marathon effort. This of course only applies to those of us who don’t have frosts, some of you might not even have started yet – good luck.

This post covers the following areas and plants of my garden:

  • cutting back trailing lantana
  • pruning grape vines
  • cutting palms
  • bringing hedges back into shape

31st January 2024. Things I have been doing lately:

Cutting back trailing lantana. I use trailing lantana and other trailing plants in many areas of my garden as part of island planting which I use to break up and add interest to areas of stones and gravel. The photos below show some of my lantana islands. Click on each photo for a larger view.

When cutting back lantana it pays to be brave. Using your secateurs cut back hard to just above a leaf juncture. By taking it back this far you will be removing most of the old wood and encouraging strong new foliage in just a few weeks. When you do this the plant itself will actually get larger each year as you are cutting it back on much larger root stock.

When cutting back low growth plants at this time of year be sure to wear your garden gloves. Snakes and all sorts can be happily hibernating under your plants and they don’t like being disturbed. The photos below show my lantana happily cutback together with a large toad sleeping away. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Even Cruella’s chickens were too scared to wake it up.

Pruning back grape vines. When pruning grape vines you are looking to just take off the side shoots to leave a small stump for the new fruit growth. Do not cut the main stem! the aim is to leave this to thicken and lengthen over the years to act as a superhighway for the sap for the whole vine. The photo below shows the best place to cut.

Don’t be tempted to cut right to the stem as you will lose the fruit.

I have three grapevines: one runs along the front of the house and two grow through balustrade at the side of my pool. The photos below show my grapevines prior to pruning, you can also see that I have encouraged one of my vines to grow up and through a Euphorbia. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Finally some of my handiwork. These vines will start sprouting within a month and off we go again. With correct pruning the vine will get stronger each year and eventually before you know it you will be making your own wine. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Cutting palms. Now is the time to prune and tidy up your palms as the sap will be down, the palm weevil will not be flying and most viruses will be dormant. However, do not be tempted to climb large palms and hack at them. You will probably fall off the ladder or cut yourself and bleed profusely. Leave it to the professionals.

The only palms I cut myself are Sago Palms and European Fan Palms, both of which I can reach from the ground with long lopers. I dealt with cutting sago palms earlier in the big cutback so I was left with my stand of fan palms. These consist of four main palms and their multitude of pups which grow in a small redonda we have created in a pathway. The photo below shows the palms prior to their cutback.

From the photo you can see that it is becoming an important feature of the garden. To stop it dominating and overwhelming this part of the garden it is necessary to thin it, reshape it and lift the crown of each palm.

Using long lopers I first go round the edges of the palms cutting out wayward fronds that are ruining the round shape. For the bottom growth I am not so worried about keeping the symmetry of the palm I am more interested in keeping the lower growth within the redonda.

Once I am happy with the lower shape I then use very long extended lopers to take the top growth of each palm back to just two rows of fronds. The two row bit is important as I will always have a spare if something happens to one of them. The photos below show the resultant frond massacre. Click on each photo for a larger view.

Bringing hedges back into shape. Hedges are an important part of my garden as they mark boundaries so much better than fences, and they flower, which fences never do. I have about 200 metres or more of hedges all tightly packed and encouraged to fight to earn the right to flower. These include:

  • Bignonia
  • Plumbago
  • Trumpet vine
  • Jasmine
  • Roses
  • Bower vine
  • Bougainvillea
  • Hibiscus

In addition to all of the above I have two self seeded trees that have found their way in: a white maple and pomegranate both of which add a bit of contrast in height. The rule with hedges is very simple; everything is cut back drastically to the same height, with the edges taken back straight to encourage light into other areas. The photos below show my hedges before, during and after their prune. Click on each photo for a larger view.

The final act of hedge pruning is to shred the thicker stems from the maple and the pomegranate and use them as mulch under other trees. Click on each photo for a larger view.

I am referred to a Tribunal. I am too upset to cover this item in this post, and also I have to prepare my defence against accusations of making the sky fall in. Hopefully, I will be able to talk about it in my next post.