The squirrels have eaten my Weevil tubes

Now I loved science fiction as a child and I defy anyone to beat my heading above as the title for a new science fiction book. The title alone would guarantee it would be a best seller and probably win the Hugo Award which is the highest award for the best science fiction book each year. However, and unfortunately, it is nothing so prosaic. The squirrels have actually eaten my weevil tubes and to make matters worse Cruella (my wife) has informed me she is starting gardening. On this ominous note let’s talk a bit about gardening and what you should be doing right now.

24th June. Things I have been doing lately:

🦗 Treating Phoenix Palms against Palm Weevil. If you have Phoenix Palms then you should be actively treating them against Weevils. Now that the sun is getting hot the weevils will soon be flying round your trees and looking for places to lay their eggs. A weevil infestation can quickly destroy that lovely palm that is the pride of your garden. If you have large trees then get professsionals in to spray. You will notice that all the public trees in the square etc have been sprayed by the Ayuntiemento hence the certificate stapled to them. If your trees are small then just spray the crowns yourself. But if like me you have large trees and don’t trust your wife to hold the ladder, then I would normally recommend my self invented weevil killer.

Regular readers of this blog will remember that I drilled a hole half way into all my Phoenix Palms and that I then apply weevil killing chemicals though a tube reservoir. The chemicals are then taken up by the rising sap and poisons all the palm fronds thereby killing off the weevils. The photo below shows my as yet I unpatented system.

All was going well until the arrival of this years brood of red squirrels babies. It seems that they have now developed in a Darwinian way to feast solely upon my weevil tubes. It was only when I started pouring the chemicals in and they gushed out and soaked my sandals that I realised that something was wrong. The photo below shows the damage wrought on every tube on every tree.

Anyway to cut a long story short and given that necessity is the mother of invention, I have developed a variation of my patent and developed the new improved weevil killing machine. It is a bit like the issue of a new Apple Phone by Steve Jobs. I fantasise that I am in a large arena stuffed with gardeners who listen keenly as I stroll up and down with my throat mike extolling the virtues of the new method. Eventually after teasing the audience my PowerPoint presentation reveals a photo of the new improved version. The photos below will undoubtedly give you the same thrill. The first shows the new model (a range of other colours are available), whilst the second shows it in action.

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🧟‍♀️ “Cruella goes gardening”. This is the title that Cruella (my wife) insists that I now use if I mention her in this blog. She is hoping to launch a whole range of Lifestyle merchandise with a gardening and witchcraft theme, which she believes will be both popular and remunerative. Her two themes she wishes me to publicise today are firstly her clothing range. She can be seen in the photo below posing. The shorts and top are available in black only, as is this the rest of the range. Whilst the sunglasses are a special model which she assures me stops her eyes bleeding when she is in daylight. I have ringed in red her first plant Dieffenbachia. This is poisonous in all parts and can cause death in children and small dogs it also can cause temporary loss of speech in adults. She tells me it will be part of her house plant range.

Cruella has also done her first plantings for her new garden range. The photo below shows her first four plants which include:

• Strychnos nux-vomica (source of strychnine)
• Hemlock (traditional poison in ancient Greece)
• Ricinus -communis (source of harmless castor oil but also deadly ricin)
• foxglove, Atropa belladonna (commonly called Deadly Nightshade)

When I asked her why she had chosen such dangerous plants, she said they were part of her “family friendly” range.